So people think they are lawyers on Facebook now

Many of you, like me, may have come across a certain Facebook status on their News Feed recently. In fact, many of you, like me, may have come across this message multiple times.

I’ve already voiced my displeasure regarding these chain Facebook statuses that try to manipulate and guilt-trip people into sharing it with their own followers. The message will say something like, “Cancer is bad. If you don’t share this than you clearly disagree.”

Okay so maybe it wasn’t those exact words, but these type of things bother me because they are completely artificial and fake. If you want to speak up about a cause, then say it in your own words — don’t copy somebody else’s or don’t let somebody else do it for you.

It’s similar to Joseph Gordon’s Levitt inspirational yet somber diatribe towards the end of (500) Days of Summer, when he quits his job at the greeting card factory, explaining how the words in greeting cards are devoid of actual emotion, and just provide people with excuses to not have to say things in their own words.

[Spoiler alert]

But anyway, I’m gearing a little off topic here. The Facebook status that I am referring to doesn’t bother me because of its manipulative agenda, it bothers me because of its sheer stupidity.

So here is the message I am referring to:

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention))

For commercial use of the above my written consent is needed at all times!

(Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will place

them under protection of copyright laws. By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates.
.

First of all, it absolutely baffles my mind that somebody can read this and think that it is real. It amazes me that somebody would see this status, and actually think with their brain that by reposting it onto their own News Feed, they are somehow accomplishing something. And yet, so many people did.

ABCNews, among many other outlets, have already verified this message as a hoax.

Hey, NO SHIT.

I didn’t think that, by some miraculous loophole, the wizards at Facebook somehow made changes without realizing that everything they did could be outdone by a simple post of a Facebook status. In fact, the article states that there isn’t even such a thing as the Berner Convention. It’s actually called the Berne Convention.

When I read the Facebook status for the first time, I nearly lost my shit laughing when I read the “UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103” part. I’m sorry, but there is no way that is a real anything. It’s simply just a cluster of letters and numbers and that have no bearing on absolutely anything. Again, I can’t repeat it enough, it just blows my mind that there are some people out there who thought it was legit.

Also note that the word “communique” with the actual accent is in the same paragraph. You really can’t make this shit up.

Scopes.com, a site that is devoted towards debunking myths, says that when you agree to Facebook’s privacy agreement upon registration, they can not retroactively change your privacy or copyright terms. It’s illegal. So… there you go.

Honestly, if people are this gullible, then I have half a mind to post something on my Facebook wall that reads as such:

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that I am Jesus.
.

If some people out there think they can singlehandedly bypass Facebook’s privacy laws by posting a status, then I don’t see why I can’t make them believe I am Jesus. They’ll see my status and say, “Well, he posted it on Facebook, and he used the word ‘hereby,’ so, I guess that means he is Jesus now.”

But you know what — people of the world, please, please, never change. It’s your stupidity and naivety that keeps the world interesting. And most importantly, without you guys, I wouldn’t have really have much to talk about.

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