Why do girls cut their hair short?

Before I begin, let me just say that I have not the slightest desire to even attempt to learn what “fiscal cliff” means. Normally when something is extremely relevant, and is being highlighted by news media outlets, I have some sort of yearning to learn about it.

But I just hear the words fiscal cliff, and it’s so dull that it makes me actually want to jump off of a cliff. I literally have no idea what it means. If I were to try to explain it to somebody, I would be as informative as Bradley Whitford was in Billy Madison attempting to answer the question about business ethics at the end of the movie. I would also probably pull out a gun just like he does.

However, our economy appears to hinge on our government settling this fiscal cliff dilemma.

My response?

Honey badger

Moving on.

Alright, so today I want to talk about a new topic — females.

I am a pretty shallow person in the sense that I make immediate judgments on girls based on their physical appearance. But in my opinion, that doesn’t make me shallow. It makes me human. I don’t write anybody off as bad people based on their physical appearance — I just make an instinctual and rapid decision as to whether I am physically attracted to this person. Everyone does.

Upon locking eyes on a female, whether it’s at a bar, at the mall, through my binoculars, etc., there are a few things that I will take notice upon. Some of them are obvious. But in that one or two-second glance, I will examine the girl’s body type, her face, her height, and her hair, among other things.

To me, hair is an underrated feature on a girl. It’s usually not make-or-break, but it’s important. I’ve never looked at a girl and decided I was in love with her because of her hairstyle. But on the flip side, I have dismissed girls because of it.

I personally enjoy when girls have long hair. Like, really long. To me there is no limit at all. I think it’s sexy. Even when I see an illustration of Rapunzel, it manages to turn me on.

The princess in the movie Tangled? Holy shit.


Grade-A babe. And the fact that she was voiced by Mandy Moore only makes it that much better.

Okay, but to give a real-life example that wouldn’t incriminate me, this is more of what I am talking about:

Anna Kournikova arrives at "Runway For Life" Benefiting St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

Her hair is so long that it doesn’t even fit the entire image. That is awesome to me.

It is not as socially admissible for men to have long hair. Some do, but to me, it’s not normal. Guys should have short hair and girls should have long hair.

So if you’re a girl, and you’re expected to have long hair — then why the hell not take advantage? If you’re allowed to have hair go down to your waist, then you should absolutely go for it. Why waste the opportunity?

I’ll definitely admit that long hair doesn’t suit all girls. There are plenty of examples of girls who look better with shoulder-length hair. I think that can be perfectly sexy as well if it suits them.

Here is an example of that:

Emily Blunt2

This hairdo is perfectly fine in my book. If Emily Blunt happened to stroll up to me at a bar and said, “Hey dude, you’re pretty cute. Let’s make out,” then I would not prevent that from happening. That is something I would be okay with.

So again, while I prefer girls with longer hair, I have no problem with shoulder-length hair either. It varies per person, and I assume that each girls know what hairstyle suits them better than I do.

But not all of them.

And now we’re delving into the purpose of today’s blog. This past year was an interesting one for female celebrity haircuts, to say the least. For whatever reason unbeknownst to me, every female in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to cut their hair to look like a 14-year-old boy.

I really just don’t get it.

Female celebrities have suddenly become plagued with this notion that short hair looks good. At first it was one or two people who were doing it, but then it spread. Like a flu. But worse. Much worse.

Here are some examples of this travesty:

2012 New York City Ballet Fall Galarihanna short hairEmma Watson short hairCarey Mulligan short hair

It actually pains me to see Anne Hathaway with short hair. It physically hurts my soul.

Let me try and put into words just how much I despise this hairstyle: If I were to come across Anne Hathaway while I was at a bar  — and I had absolutely no idea who she was — I would dismiss her. I would see the haircut, think, “Ehh, not interested,” and I would just be polite and talk to her and not listen while I’m surveying the rest of the bar for normal-looking long-haired chicks.

And then, of course, when she gets to the part that she’s a millionaire Hollywood actress, I would still be not listening and I would miss a golden opportunity to ride her coattails to fame. But that’s besides the point.

This haircut is appalling. It takes a girl’s attractiveness down mightily, and, again, it makes them look like a little boy. Jerry Sandusky may approve, but I do not.

By the way, I just know that one day I’m going to drunkenly mock a girl who has short hair, only to find out that she is undergoing chemotherapy. You know that’s going to happen because that is something that would happen to me.

But anyway, the other facet of this that I haven’t touched on yet is that I am fairly certain my opinion is universal. I have absolute confidence in saying that most men feel the same way I do. If you were to take a survey of all the guys in the world, and ask them what they think of this hairstyle, I believe that 3 out of 4 would say that this hairstyle doesn’t really suit them on girls.

So why do it? Why? Girls — listen to me. I’m a guy. I’m telling you that this hairstyle is unappealing. Stick to the long hair. You have the God-given right to grow lengthy, beautiful hair to style any way you wish. Don’t let that opportunity go by the wayside.

I, for one, desperately hope that this is a trend that does not carry over into 2013.

Speaking of which, we are just two days away from the new year. To me, New Years is very anticlimactic. By the time early December rolls around, people begin talking so much about New Years that it feels like its been 2013 for a few weeks already. In fact, I’m already so used to 2013 that at midnight on New Years Eve, I’ll probably drunkenly think that it just turned 2014.

But, the changing of the calendar does indeed give us a faux reason to gather with our friends to celebrate. I mentioned yesterday that I am celebrating the occasion with friends in Atlantic City — though I did say it at the end of the blog, so you probably didn’t read that far. In fact you probably aren’t even reading this right now.

If you are though, I hope you all have a happy new year. By the way, something I completely avoided mentioning was that December 18 officially marked the 3-year anniversary of the creation of the Weinblog. Three frickin’ years! Who would of thought that I’d stay sane long enough to consistently do this?

The milestone can be looked at in several different ways. Anniversaries tend to be successful and celebratory occasions, but for blogs, it’s kind of depressing if you think about it. Because it’s not necessarily indicative of success, but more so of endurance. I suppose it is an achievement that I’ve actually stuck with something for three years. Sticking with anything for that long is something to be proud of. Except drugs.

But it’s also a marker of the fact that I’ve accomplished very little in my non-blog life. No offense to you guys, but if I ever become rich and famous and successful, I think it’s safe to say I would stop blogging.

So, this milestone means that since December 18, 2009, I have not become famous, I have not become successful or rich, and instead, I’ve been stuck with you folks for the better part of three years.

And I am perfectly content with that.

Happy New Year!

I have a genuine dislike for all my friends who work in schools [during the holidays].

I just had a 3-day weekend from work. It was glorious.

It was one of my longest breaks in two years, and it felt like an eternity. Simply knowing that I had three days off to refresh my batteries, take a mental break and not have to think about work was a miraculous feeling. But then, three days later, it ended, and I returned to work. It felt like I never left.

And then I remember all of my friends who work in schools. They are currently in the middle of a two-week break from work.

After that, they get another week-long break in February. I’m sure when that one ends, there’s some holiday break in April for Easter and Passover.

Finally, they get one more mini break in the form of a 3-month summer vacation.



How is this allowed? How can anybody in the working field be allowed to have three months off? That’s longer than the amount of time people are off in between jobs. You can get fired and/or quit from one job, be upset, go on a drinking binge, send out resumes, get an interview, and then get hired at a new job during the time that school teachers are on break.

I know that teachers work hard. I get that. They get into work really early in the morning, and wake up even earlier than that. They stay late when school is done to go to conferences and meetings. They… uh… they… I guess that’s it. They grade papers. That’s something.

Alright, so I’m just bitter about the fact that they get extended breaks. So when it’s the holidays, and I hear about people saying they have the next two weeks off, I legitimately want to throw a rock at them. It’s absolutely unfathomable to me — as someone who gets a grand total of six days off a year — to imagine having months off at a time. It just doesn’t make any sense.

And when September rolls around, I have absolutely no sympathy at all. I throw a party to mark the first day that teachers return to school. It’s my happiest day of the year.

Once schools are back in session, then all is right in the world. Everybody is in their rightful place, doing the jobs that they were hired for. From September through November, it’s like we’re living in a Utopia where everyone gets along and shares everything, and there’s an ever glowing rainbow hovering over every building.

But then the holidays come, and we enter a post-apocalyptic era where it is schoolteachers versus non-school teachers. It’s like a reenactment of Stephen King’s The Last Stand, which I have actually never read which is probably shameful for an English major but I know that there are two major sides against each other, hence the name “The Stand.”

I know I can’t be the only person who feels this way. I know everyone else who works their year-round job must become jealous when their friends are enjoying their eighth consecutive day off from work.

But you know I really love y’all. School teacher or not, you have my love. Just not during the holidays. And during the times when I have to attend school Board of education meetings for my work, I come to the realization that a lot of these newly hired female teachers are extremely cute. So there’s that.

Of course, when I inevitably sit in my office doing work on a hot afternoon in July, and I log onto Facebook and see my teacher friends posting pictures for their vacation abroad, that’s when hatred once again re-emerges.

Though I guess it’s all compensated by the fact that my job allows me to sleep until 9 a.m. Now people probably hate me for that.

So this may very well be the last time I post before New Years. I’ll try to throw one up on Friday or Saturday before I head to ATLANTIC CITY with my friends to welcome in the new year — some of whom work in schools and hopefully will not read this before then.

But if I am unable to blog again, then I want to wish everyone a happy New Years, and I hope — like every other New Years — all of your plans fail miserably. Because you know they will. You know.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s time to ask — are we real?

364 days until the next Christmas. But who’s counting?

The holiday season is all but over, but there is still a lingering seasonal cheer that will remain present for another week or so. So we will all have to bear with the optimistic, happy-go-lucky Facebook posts for a few more days until everyone returns back to their miserable selves.

But why wait until then? Why not squash that holiday cheer while I have the ability? I have a blog, after all, and that’s what blogs are for — demolishing everybody’s hopes and dreams. Including my own.

Allow me to pose a question to you all. During times when you weren’t being influenced by marijuana, have you ever taken a step back and thought about your existence? Have you ever pondered whether everything around us is real, or if it is all a computer simulation?

Well, I haven’t either. At least not until recently, when I read this article. In 2003, Oxford physicist Nick Bostrom — who is a hell of a lot smarter than you and I will ever be — published a paper, and came to this conclusion:

“We are almost certainly living in a computer simulation.”

Now let’s take a step back before we carry on any further. This physicist didn’t just propose the idea that we may be living inside of a simulation, nor did he even say that we are maybe living inside of a computer simulation. He said we are almost certainly living inside of a computer simulation.

As in, he is positive.

We’ve all seen the Matrix. We’ve at least wondered at some point if it was conceivable. But then we snap out of it after a few seconds and realize that there are much more important things to worry about. And we don’t think about it ever again.

But now there is a team of researchers who are spending their time attempting to actually prove it. Using science.


To be honest, it may seem crazy. But to me, their rationale is actually pretty sensible to me. Just think about it — we’d be extremely naive to think that our existence is the only one in the universe. It would be one of the most naive thoughts imaginable.

So if there are other worlds, then whose to say that they’re not far more technologically advanced than we are? Maybe they’re lightyears ahead of us in that field. And if that’s the case, then why can’t they create existences within a computer. And why can’t it be us?

At the end of the day, none of this really matters though. Even if we are in a computer, how will that affect us? It’s still our reality, real or not.

Also, the article states that scientists are attempting to prove this on an extremely small scale. They will create a model that is the size of a nucleus of an atom, and test to see if the energy of their model matches the energy in our universe. Essentially, even if they prove themselves “right,” it doesn’t seem like it’ll be enough evidence to convince the masses.

And it is pretty hilarious that they are actually devoting time and money to do this. While it is an interesting and thought-provoking subject, it’s probably not one worth pursuing. At least not right now. And if we are in a computer, I’d probably rather not know about it.

Although, if somebody like Kim Kardashian can be deleted with a simple push of the backspace button, than I actually am all for it.

So go back to enjoying your holidays, and humming Christmas carols and starting at your decorated Christmas tree. Keep doing all of that stuff.

But if I just instilled even the slightest semblance of doubt in your mind that we may not actually exist, then it was all worth it.

Happy holidays!

Merry Christmas

/end of the world joke to start off today’s blog

We are now entering the final hours of Christmas Day. By now, you’ve all seen several different family members, you’ve watched all and/or some of either A Christmas Story and It’s a Wonderful Life, and you’ve opened presents. Unless you’re Jewish, and if you are, then I don’t care about you.

It’s impossible to be unhappy on Christmas. Everybody is so jolly and so optimistic that it is contagious. I see pictures on Facebook of my friends posing with their 90-year-old grandmas, and others posting photos of their dog in a Santa outfit, and it’s impossible to see that and not feel a little holiday cheer.

I really don’t have too much to offer today, but I wanted to wish everybody a very Merry Christmas. It’s been a wild year for our planet, and the 2012 word of the year — in the worst possible way — is Sandy. From Sandusky to Hurricane Sandy to Sandy Hook Elementary School, it’s just incredibly eerie how much tragedy that word was associated with this year.

And it’s also been a wild year for pop culture. We had —

12 Carly Raes
11 Gangnam Styles
10 Unimpressed McKayla Maroneys
9 Taylor Swift breakups
8 Katniss Everdeens
7 Clint Eastwoods talking to invisible chairs
6 Kate Middleton wardrobe scandals
5[0] Shades of Grey
4 One Directions (+1)
3 Kony 2012s
2 months of Linsanity
and a partridge in a pair tree.

We had a tightly contested presidential election that didn’t turn out to be tightly contested at all.

We had a 12/12/12 benefit concert that you wouldn’t see anywhere else in the world except for New York City.

We saw weed legalized in two states. And speaking of which, here is a funny clip of comedic actor Seth Rogen on Letterman last week, where the two had a five-minute casual conversation about marijuana.

And we had the Weinblog, as distasteful and mediocre as ever.

But enough reflecting on the past. The past is over, and the present is a gift, and that’s why they call it the future! I just butchered that saying awfully, didn’t I?

In exactly one week, it will be 2013. Something bizarre that recently occurred to me is that babies who are being born now, could conceivably live to the year 2100. All they’d have to do was live to be at least 87. How nuts is that?

So it’s time for everybody to set their New Years resolutions that they inevitably won’t achieve. I never try to concoct a New Years resolution, because it’s stupid, and yet — somebody always asks me if I have one.

And you can’t really just respond “no” because it makes you come off as complacent, unmotivated and lethargic. Which I completely am all of those things. but I just don’t need people to know that. So I have to come up with something like “get a better job” or “be nicer to people” or “travel.”

What do I really want to do this year? I want to overachieve and have sex with a really, really hot girl. I honestly think that can be doable. I want it to be a girl who people would look at and shed tears because she’s so good-looking.

If I’m going to reach for a lofty New Year’s resolution, then why can’t it be that? You see gorgeous chicks on television all the time. Why can’t I have sex with one them? Give me one good reason why.

And I don’t see why that wouldn’t be an admirable resolution. If I achieved it, it would do wonders for my self-esteem. I would think that if I can have sex with a “10,” then I can do anything. Achieving this resolution would set me on track to achieve my secondary New Years resolutions, like advancing in the working field, making more money, blah blah blah, and other unimportant things like that.

So there you have it. My New Years resolution is set.

If I can accomplish it, then I’ll have had the best year out of anyone I know. And trust me, come talk to me at this time next year, and you’ll know whether I accomplished it or not.

Alright so I have four more hours to keep eating unhealthy food with the excuse of “It’s the holidays” before I start hating myself. I might as well take advantage.

Oh and one piece of advice before I go — if you wear new clothes tomorrow that you only just got for Christmas today, then you are a poser. Try waiting a day.

A story of triumph before the end of the world

As you all know, the world is ending tomorrow. So if there’s anything on your bucket lists that you really want to accomplish, then you might as well go ahead and do it.

So I figure that I might as well take this time to go ahead and do something I have never done before on this blog — admit that I was wrong about something.

The fun thing about writing an obscure blog that not too many people read — an “indie blog” as some may call it (and by “some” I just mean “me”) —  is that you can pretty much say anything you want without any repercussions. I have the free reign to mock any celebrities, or any human who recently came into public eye for doing something stupid, and I do not have to worry about them retaliating in any way. So I take many liberties when I blog. I mercilessly judge people, I generalize, and I exaggerate. I also say things about people that I would never say to them in real life. But it’s all for comedic purposes. Nothing more, nothing less. My primary goal is to entertain.

Again, that is the beauty of blogging — the anonymity, and the ability to shield yourself behind a computer screen.

However, every now and then, somebody will come along and put you in your place. Well, that happened to me today.

Yesterday I blogged about a situation that went viral on some sport/pop culture blogs about a 23-year-old female who made a bet about a football game. Upon losing the bet, she stripped down to her bra and panties and posted a photograph of it online. It was a courageous act of boldness, no doubt, but also an act that I made light of. I labeled the girl — named Erin Willett — as an attention whore.

Still don’t remember her? Well it was this picture:


Which has been all over the Internet the past few days. And that I have now posted twice in two days.

Did I actually know whether Ms. Willett is an attention whore? Of course I didn’t. How could I? I don’t know her. But again, when you write a blog, you can ignore that and pretty much say whatever you want. I mean, it’s not like Erin Willett was somehow going to read what I wrote. Right?


This morning I read a comment on the blog post from none other than Erin Willett herself. It was quite a shameful yet momentous event. Up until that point, I did not know that the Weinblog was significant enough to warrant that much attention.

Well anyway, Erin, having read what I wrote, took the opportunity to berate me for my rash generalizations and my quick judgments. To be honest, there was no question she was right — so my first instinct wasn’t to defend myself, but to discover if this was in fact the real Erin Willett. It’s pretty easy to impersonate people over the Internet these days.

So I emailed her back to verify if it was her, and it turned into a multiple email exchange. What caught my eye about Ms. Willett was that, even while telling me off, she was extremely pleasant and good-spirited about it. It’s not often somebody reacts negatively towards you and includes smiley faces in the same breath.

I was extremely impressed by her demeanor, and I went on to express that to her. By the end, what started as a criticism, turned into a pleasurable conversation. And I now have a new Internet friend. You can never have too many of those.

So for the record — let me adamantly state that Erin Willett is a mighty cool person, and has a damn good sense of humor. I also must correct a statement I made last night when I said that her near-topless photo single-handedly gained her 10,000 followers. It turns out that Erin is often featured on the photo entertainment website theChive, and that is what led her to gain a large array of followers. Although, let’s face it, I think she would even admit that the photograph did not hurt in her gaining at least a couple more followers (Myself included).

I’ve received nasty comments on my blog before from random strangers, and when I read them, I immediately delete them or mark them as spam. Pretty much all of them are nonsensical and stupid. So when I actually get a comment from someone who actually has a right to be mad at me, but is still cool about it, that just makes them an awesome person in my book.

In short, this story was probably better than this entire movie that came out earlier this year, titled “Seeking a Friend For the End of the World” starring Steve Carell and Keira Knightley.

Seeking a Friend

Never saw it? Yeah, neither did the actors who were even in it. Or their parents.

But seriously, is there a lesson to be learned here? Probably. Don’t be quick to judge, don’t generalize, don’t just go along with something because others are doing it, yada yada yada. I’m not going to lie — I will probably still do all of those things, but at least I will think for a second of the consequences next time before I do so.

But the biggest lesson? Don’t insult a hot chick on your blog in case of the .000001% chance she happens to see it. When you’re not the greatest looking guy in the world (but close), you can’t afford to burn those bridges.

Okay, glad that’s off my chest. World, you can go end now.

Girls I will never bang

Given the title, this blog post can certainly extend to infinity. But it won’t — don’t worry. Keep reading.

A friend posted a link on my Facebook wall yesterday because he thought I might enjoy it. The link is from a sports and pop culture website called The Big Lead, and it details a wager that was made over Twitter between a guy and a girl.

The girl is a 23-year-old New York Giants fan named Erin Willett, and the guy is an Atlanta Falcons fan whose age or name I could not care less about. Whether the two people actually know each other or not prior to the bet, I do not know. But the context of the bet is that the Giants and Falcons were set to play each other on Sunday.

So what was the wager?

Twitter bet

If the Giants won, the male Twitter user had to confess that he wishes to have the babies of New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning. If the Falcons won the game, the female Giants fan had to strip down to her bra and panties and hold a sign saying “I love the Falcons.”

Wait a minute — how is that a fair bet?

Firstly, if you look at the girl, Erin Willett, you’ll see that she is a very attractive girl. Very attractive. I’m not going to post a photo of her, because that isn’t just one step away from cyber stalking, that is cyber stalking. But you can access her Twitter handle here and see for yourself, which was already accessible in the link I posted above.

So again, I ask, how is that a fair bet?

Guy loses, he posts something completely inconsequential on Twitter. If the girl loses, she strips down for the entire world to see.

My guess is that this Erin Willett girl does not mind the attention. I bet she was the girl in college who you played in beer pong, and before the game started, you would ask her to make a bet on the game, and it would go something like this:

Drunk guy: Alright, let’s make this game interesting and bet on it!

Erin Willett: Sure! What are the terms?

Drunk guy: Alright, umm, if we win, you… uhh… you take your shirt off…

Erin Willett: Deal!

Drunk guy: But I didn’t even finish…

Erin Willett: Woooh let’s play!

Drunk guy: Cool.

Again, she’s attractive, as you probably saw for yourself already, and she’s probably even an aspiring model and/or socialite, and she likes the attention. Why else would you not only accept such an uneven wager, but actually comply with it?

I say comply because the Giants were shutout by the Falcons, 34-0. So, Erin wasted no time fulfilling her end of the bargain. And this picture I have no problem posting, because it’s already all over the Internet.

So I present, Girl I will never bang #1.


As a Jets fan, I have never been too fond of Giants fans. They can be very arrogant, obnoxious, abrasive and boisterous. That being said — this one I like. I can tolerate this Giants fan.

And she seems really easy to bet with. The Giants play the Ravens next week. So I should challenge her to a bet — If the Ravens win, she has to give me a lap dance. If the Giants win, I have to… go outside tomorrow without a jacket. Fair bet. Given her history I’m sure she’d be fine with it.

Also, her Twitter followers skyrocketed to more than 10,000 once this story broke, which is hilarious. If girls want to gain a following, all you have to do is take your top off. If a guy did that, he’d probably get his account suspended.

So there’s that.

Now who are the other girls I will never bang (besides everybody)?

Well, as I type this, the Miss Universe 2012 competition is ongoing. The most beautiful girls in the world are all on the same stage. Here is the full list of contestants.

And without further ado, I present to you, Girls I will never bang #s 2-7.

Miss Estonia Miss GermanyMiss GuatemalaMiss IsraelMiss Puerto RicoMiss USA

These lovely ladies, in order, are Miss Estonia, Miss Germany, Miss Guatemala, Miss Israel, Miss Puerto Rico and Miss USA.

They are all very attractive.

I also love the planet we live on. We tell our youth that “looks don’t matter,” and yet, we glamorize females in national competitions based solely on their physical appearance. But hey, I don’t mind. I’ve never been much of a traveler either, but I wouldn’t mind doing some international exploring with these ladies! You get it? You feel me?

Anyone? Hello?

Alright, before I devolve any further, I should acknowledge the fact that Kate Upton recently did a secret photo shoot. On the surface, that doesn’t really sound like a big deal, since it’s her job to do photo shoots. Well, the stipulation here was that she did a bikini shoot… in… wait for it…


Miss Kate Upton

That takes courage.

And with that, I present Girl I will never bang #8, Miss Kate Upton.

I crown her the winner.

Will you join me in holy tweetrimony?

I make jokes on this blog all the time about how one day people are going to be making important life decisions on Twitter. I may have joked about it, but I honestly thought our would was really going that way. And if I didn’t actually say it, than I at least thought it, that somebody — some idiot — was going to be the first one to propose to their girlfriend on Twitter.

Well, meet that idiot. 


And here is a Twitter link to that proposal. Feel free to retweet it to your followers.

Reportedly Kat Von D said yes, and the two are now engaged. Yay! I wonder if I’ll be invited to Deadmau5’s bachelor party?

Just typing the word ‘Deadmau5’ does not feel natural. For those who live under a rock, or who are too old, Deadmau5 is one of the pioneers of 21st century electronic music. Him and a couple of other guys named Skrillex and David Guetta spin their little records behind a DJ stand, and people listen to it.

Deadmau5 mask

Personally, I haven’t really bought into the whole electro-music craze. David Guetta at least uses prominent artists like Usher, Rihanna and Chris Brown to sing vocals in his mixes, so the crossover of genres makes it tolerable for me. Otherwise, the music is like rap to me — it’s just noise. Loud, unnecessary noise. That doesn’t mean I don’t see the merit or appreciate the art form of what they do, I just personally don’t enjoy it too much.

Or, for those who still don’t know who Deadmau5 is, you may remember him for being the guy who wears the Mickey Mouse-like mask while he performs. As seen above.

That’s right, ladies and gentleman, some woman is actually engaged to… that.

Kat Von D

And Kat Von D is some woman who is famous for being a tattoo artist, having her own show revolving around her tattoo business, and also having a lot of tattoos on herself.

But you know, at least Deadmau5, or rather, Joel Zimmerman — according to his birth certificate — had the decency to call Kat Von D by her proper name. But the question is, did he actually receive  her parents’ blessing? And if he did, did he also seek it through Twitter?

So what is my opinion on all of this? Yes I know I labeled Mr. Deadmau as an “idiot” earlier in this post, but just because you call someone or something an idiot doesn’t mean you don’t like it. Heck, I’m an idiot. The majority of my friends are idiots. This world is dominated by idiots.

I honestly have no problem with this. I think it’s quirky and unique. Why do we need to go through these old-fashioned customs like getting down on one knee? This is 2012 — if we have the ability to tweet wedding proposals, then by gosh we should do it.

Obviously, you need to know the woman you’re doing it to. And I mean know. I’d say that for 99% of women, a Twitter marriage proposal probably would not fly, and doing such a thing would make her irate. But Deadmau, knowing Kat Von D as well as he does, probably knew that she would find it endearing — and he was right. Plus, if you actually see the guy without his costume, he’s pretty wimpy looking.

Joel Z

Score one for the wimpy guys! I mean, look at him. He’s wearing a Puma hat and doing that stupid Star Trek hand gesture. The fact that he got a girl like Kat Von D is a huge turning point for men in this world. Way to go, man.

I’m also just really glad that the first social networking marriage proposal didn’t happen on Facebook. If that was the case, I think my opinion of it would have been totally different.

Alright so let me move onto something else a bit more serious, but also awesome.

I’m sure all of you are pretty familiar with the Westboro Baptist Church. They are an independent church run by one family and are extremely notorious for their extreme ideologies. The fact that their website is called godhatesfags.com pretty much speaks for itself. In short, they are the worst people on Earth.

What makes them even more awful is that they choose highly publicized venues to vocalize their beliefs, so that they can gain more national attention. They commonly picket at funerals, often for fallen marines. They even tried to picket at Steve Jobs’s funeral, and unbelievably, they recently announced their intention to picket at a vigil for the victims of the Newtown, Connecticut school shooting. It really doesn’t get much worse than that.

For too long, the Westboro Baptist Church has abused our nation’s inherent right to freedom of speech. They don’t get prosecuted against because they technically don’t break any laws — they just say things that are really, really, wrong, bigoted and flat-out malicious. And pretty much everybody else hates them. In fact, they like the hate.

Well, the awesome part is that the Internet hacktivist group (yup, it’s a word now) called Anonymous is taking revenge on the Church.

Anonymous pretty much controls the world. They have the ability to shut down any site in the world within seconds. They’re so good at what they do that they are almost impossible to catch. Naturally, they break laws when they hack websites, so the FBI has been on them forever.

The group first targeted the church in an awesomely V for Vendetta-esque YouTube video. And according to Forbes, Anonymous claimed to have changed Westboro spokeswoman Shirley Phelps-Roper’s PC desktop wallpaper to gay porn, and filed a death certificate in her name, which would prevent her from using her social security number. Yeah, they can do that.

So the FBI needs to turn a blind eye to this. The Westboro Baptist Church has gotten away with too much bigotry for too long, and they deserve every bit of this. I, for one, plan to sit back and enjoy the show.

Alright, I’ve said enough today. But before I go, I want to leave you all with a pretty touching (and for me to say ‘touching’ I have to mean it) tribute to the Newtown Victims performed by the contestants and judges of The Voice prior to Monday night’s show. it really is a muse-see. Check it out.

On school shootings and the like

What happened in Newtown, Connecticut on Friday is pretty much the worst possible nightmare you could ever imagine.

It’s almost inconceivable. Prior to last week, when one enters a deep of moment of paranoia and tries to imagine the most violent act that mankind can commit, a school shooting of an elementary school still wouldn’t even be imaginable.

I’m not going to lie. When a personal or nationwide tragedy like this occurs, I try to ignore it. It’s kind of my own defense mechanism. I don’t talk about it, and if someone else mentions it to me, I change the subject. Does it make me a detached, heartless jerk? Maybe. But it’s just the way I cope with things sometimes.

That being said, I couldn’t ignore this. It’s impossible. I had to read articles, watch news coverage, etc. I even did the unthinkable and searched to find a website that had compiled images of all of the kids who were killed. Why? Because that’s the only way that I can acknowledge their existence. The only way I can tell myself that they were here, and they lived.

When something like this happens, everyone wants to know about the killer. They want to know what he looked like, what kind of person he was, what his friends and peers thought of him. Well, fuck him. I don’t even want to hear his name. So that’s why I chose to look at images of the kids instead. However, after looking at about three or four of them, I had to stop. I just couldn’t take it.

It made me think about my days back in first grade. I didn’t know much about the world then. I was still trying to figure it out. My parents still dressed me, and the most exciting part of the day was when the milk cart came around into our classroom. I was as youthful and innocent as can be, and to imagine any type of automatic weapon being involved in that setting is unfathomable. It just doesn’t make sense.

Now it’s been three days since it happened, and you’ve heard all of your Facebook friends advocate for gun control by now.

Honestly, should there be gun control? Probably. I’m not going to look them up, but I know that statistics show that countries that have greater control have less shootings. But at the same time it irks me that people were so quick to preach gun control laws in the immediate aftermath of the shooting. Within minutes of the news, people were already calling for it.

How about preaching human decency? Responsibility? Setting the right example?

That’s what it’s really about. We, as people, as friends, as parents, need to teach people to accept the responsibilities of their actions. They need to know that the things they do have an effect on not only themselves, but the people around them. I know it’s a simple concept, but not everyone gets that. The Newtown shooter seriously didn’t get that.

Creating a gun control law isn’t going to change anything. At least not in our lifetime.

I usually don’t get too philosophical on Facebook, but amid all of the turmoil, I had to say something, and since I would pretty much just emphasize the same exact thing — I might as well just copy and paste it.

it’s not really just about gun control. It’s a philosophy — guns are too embedded in our culture already for one law to suddenly change everything. As kids we’re raised to believe that guns, whether right or wrong, are a big part of our world. We played cops and robbers, duck hunt, super soakers, we watch movies and play video games involving guns and it’s second nature. No law is going to change that perception. As it’s always been and always will be, it’s about not being terrible parents and friends and teaching your kids and peers about responsibility and proper behavior, and setting the right example. Instead of trying to enact governmental change through facebook maybe we should ask what small part we can do to never let something like this happen.

It’s amazing, when you think about it, how prevalent guns are in our world. I’m certainly not saying that Grand Theft Auto caused this school shooting, but it’s just something to think about. I know I will.

Also, it both amazed me and sickened me how some people reacted on Twitter last night when NBC interrupted Sunday Night Football to air Barack Obama’s speech.

The sad part about Twitter it exposes you to everybody. Not just celebrities, but everybody else in the world. So the people on Twitter who aren’t celebrities, and are just regular folk like you and I, can really post anything they want without facing any consequences. People will say things on Twitter they would never say in real life, because they do it behind the safety of a computer screen.

Well, the morons (and that may even be a compliment) were out in full effect last night, and Deadspin made sure to highlight these bigoted degenerates.

It’s truly disgraceful, and made me lose a lot of faith in humanity. The worst part is that I clicked on some of the accounts, and the majority of the people weren’t even apologetic. They just continued to be racist.

I am delighted, however, to see now that Twitter has suspended every single one of the accounts that was in the Deadspin article. It was absolutely the right move by Twitter, so good job by them.

Obama’s speech was a significant moment in history. When something bad happens, it’s customary for our president — our commander-in-chief, our leader — to speak and to comfort. That’s how it works, and every American needed to know that Obama was speaking. I applaud NBC for cutting the feed of Sunday Night Football. Some things are just more important.

But there are also stories that make you feel a little better about things. Like New York Giants receiver Victor Cruz, who personally called one of the victim’s parents after he learned that their son was a huge fan of his. I may be a Jets fan, but from here on out, I am a lifelong Victor Cruz fan.

The coverage is really only just beginning. For days, weeks and months, we are going to hear stories about what happened. We will learn more about that fateful day, we will hear political squabbles regarding gun control, and we will hear more personal tales of the victims and their families.

But what am I going to do? I’m not going to post anymore on Facebook about it. I’m not going to engage in political conversations. Instead, I’m just going to take a few minutes to think of those little kids whose lives were cut tragically short, and their families who lost their loved ones.

That’s how I’ll remember.

I understand why most people hate New York

You would be hard-pressed to find people who are more heavily stereotyped in this world than people who live in New York. Okay, maybe Middle Easterners. But other than that, New Yorkers.

To the outside eye, New Yorkers are rude, obnoxious, loud and arrogant. We’re always in a rush, we talk with an annoying accent, and we always expect our sports teams to win everything.

Of course, those of us who live in Long Island or in the northern or western parts of New York know that we do not apply to these stereotypes. But that doesn’t really matter. Once you tell people that you live in New York, they immediately think awful things about you.

And you know what? I don’t really blame them that much. There are plenty of people out there who give New Yorkers a bad name. But that’s the case for any place. Every city has its fair share of douchebags.

But I also believe this — they say that everything is bigger in Texas, right? Well, ask any New Yorker, and they’ll tell you that everything is better in New York.

Case and point: last night’s 12/12/12 Hurricane Sandy benefit concert.

Even when New York gets the ever-loving shit kicked out of us, we still do it better. Even when New York is ravaged and beaten down, we still manage to get the biggest stars in the world to come and perform for six straight hours.

Hurricane Katrina was a million times worse than Hurricane Sandy. But aside from Kanye West being a moron, can somebody tell me one single highlight from their benefit concert? Just one?

If a state like Oregon was punished with a severe hurricane, would anybody even bother arranging a concert? Paul McCartney and Billy Joel would probably start laughing hysterically at the mere thought of performing in Oregon under any circumstances.

Meanwhile, New York gets destroyed, and we respond by assembling Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Bon Jovi, Roger Waters and Eric Clapton in one stadium?

I mean, freaking Nirvana played together. Nirvana! They’ve been nonexistence for almost 20 years. Even Michael Skype of REM came out of retirement for this concert. I’d honestly be genuinely surprised if there was one musician in the world who wouldn’t have dropped everything and headed to New York to get a chance to play at this concert.

Billy JoelBruce-Springsteen-Jon-Bon-JoviPaul McCartney NirvanaThe Who

I mean, just look at that last picture. Pete Townshend is 67 and isn’t even physically capable of performing an athletic jump like that. But put him in Madison Square Garden in front of 20,000 New Yorkers, and he suddenly reverts back to his 20s.

Townshend proved that just the act of being in New York gives you superhuman abilities.

Seriously though, those images are impressive.

And I’m going to be honest — I missed a good chunk of the concert since I was not home (thus why I did not blog yesterday), and I missed a bunch of the performances. I’m looking at the setlist right now, and did Kanye West really perform 13 songs? Are you shitting me?

That would give him the longest set than anyone else on the bill — six more than Billy Joel and five more than Paul McCartney. What an absolute disgrace.

The fact that Kanye West was even allowed to perform among such great musical acts was atrocious as it was, but how did he get to perform 13 freaking songs?

And what the hell was he wearing?

Kanye skirtDid… did he really wear a skirt?

A skirt.

One more time. A skirt. I just don’t know what else to say. He was performing on one of the grandest stages that he ever will be on, among some of the greatest living musicians we have, and yet he worse a skirt.

But you know what, just typing that last sentence actually made a little sense to me. Perhaps Kanye knew he didn’t belong. Maybe he was aware of the fact that he was by far the worst person performing last night. So, being the natural attention whore that he is (“George Bush doesn’t care about black people/Taylor I’mma let you finish…”), he had to grab the headlines in some way. And that’s what he did.

Also, how can you not love Adam Sandler?  The man may not be as young and kooky as he used to be back during his SNL and Billy Madison days, but he is still a comedic genius.

His rendition of Leonard Cohen’s — and made more famous by Jeff Buckley — “Hallelujah” while substituting in his own New York-themed lyrics was nothing short of genius. Genius.

Check it out:

So good. Well done, Adam.

To sum up — New York just does it better. And also, I was amused when every other artist would talk about how we’re going to rebuild New York, and then as an afterthought, they’d throw in New Jersey and Long Island. Their hesitation in listing the other two areas was evidence that they, and no one else, really gives a shit about New Jersey or Long Island, because we’re not New York.

I live in Long Island, and even I know that. Besides, I don’t even give a shit about Long Island.

But at the end of the day, it really was a show to remember. I recorded it on my DVR, and I think I’m going to let it sit there for a while.

That is, until I have to record an episode of The Voice and need to clear space.

Hey, at least I won’t have to see Kanye’s skirt again.

Prepare for the 12/12/12 jokes tomorrow

Sometime in my life, when I have money, more time availability, and an access to a scientific laboratory — I want to conduct an experiment.

I want to conduct an experiment that finds the connection between people who makes jokes about the numbers in calendar dates, and the amount of times that person engages in sexual intercourse.

Because you know that the same people who pointed out two months ago that it was 10/11/12, and that last year was 11/11/11, well, you just know that they are going to make it their civic duty to make their friends aware of the fact that tomorrow is 12/12/12.

People who take it upon themselves to actually take time out of their day to look at the numbers in the date, and try to decipher a pattern out of them, clearly aren’t the same people who have success with the opposite gender. Because if you do take it upon yourself to do such a thing, then you probably do a lot of other stupid, worthless things in your spare time that do not involve physical contact with a person of the female variety.

So when I read Facebook statuses tomorrow, or possibly in a couple of hours, that say “Happy 12/12/12,” then what I really am reading is, “I’m a virgin!”

And if you actually wait until midnight to do it, than that translates to, “I’m a lifelong virgin!”

I’m sorry if I’m sounding a bit harsh, but calendar jokes are really the lowest form of humor. They’re not funny, for starters. They’re not creative, and most importantly, they’re not jokes. They’re just you stating what today’s date is.

It would be like if I walked into my office tomorrow morning, and said aloud, “Guess what guys? Today is Wednesday! GET IT?” And then somebody would proceed to throw hot coffee in my face, and I wouldn’t even be mad because I’d deserve it.

The only thing worse than people who point out jokes about the date are the people who actually think the world is going to end on Dec. 21. Though to be honest, I’m actually shocked that more people haven’t been talking about it. We are a mere nine days away from the “apocalypse,” and yet, I haven’t seen any Facebook statuses about it.

Nor have I heard stories of crazy folks storing away non-perishable food and batteries in their fallout shelters to prepare for the incoming apocalypse a la Christopher Walken in “Blast from the Past.”

People went ballistic over last year’s Rapture, which I barely can even remember what month that fell in, and now nobody’s talking about the end of the world. I’m assuming it’s because nobody actually wants it to be the end of the world, and  I’m also assuming most people I know would actually prefer to live for more than nine days, and thus, they are not openly rooting for world destruction.

It is fitting that Dec. 21 falls on a Friday though, because it gives plenty of people out there to have the opportunity to throw their little “End of the World” parties while playing very predictable songs like REM’s “It’s the End of the World” or Europe’s “The Final Countdown.”

As for me? I’ll be listening to Taylor Swift’s “Back to December”. The song gets me every time. She just wants a second chance with the man she loves! That’s all!

Yeah I’m going to chalk today up as an off day for me. But at least tomorrow is 12/12/12!