Before I begin, let me just say that I have not the slightest desire to even attempt to learn what “fiscal cliff” means. Normally when something is extremely relevant, and is being highlighted by news media outlets, I have some sort of yearning to learn about it.
But I just hear the words fiscal cliff, and it’s so dull that it makes me actually want to jump off of a cliff. I literally have no idea what it means. If I were to try to explain it to somebody, I would be as informative as Bradley Whitford was in Billy Madison attempting to answer the question about business ethics at the end of the movie. I would also probably pull out a gun just like he does.
However, our economy appears to hinge on our government settling this fiscal cliff dilemma.
Alright, so today I want to talk about a new topic — females.
I am a pretty shallow person in the sense that I make immediate judgments on girls based on their physical appearance. But in my opinion, that doesn’t make me shallow. It makes me human. I don’t write anybody off as bad people based on their physical appearance — I just make an instinctual and rapid decision as to whether I am physically attracted to this person. Everyone does.
Upon locking eyes on a female, whether it’s at a bar, at the mall, through my binoculars, etc., there are a few things that I will take notice upon. Some of them are obvious. But in that one or two-second glance, I will examine the girl’s body type, her face, her height, and her hair, among other things.
To me, hair is an underrated feature on a girl. It’s usually not make-or-break, but it’s important. I’ve never looked at a girl and decided I was in love with her because of her hairstyle. But on the flip side, I have dismissed girls because of it.
I personally enjoy when girls have long hair. Like, really long. To me there is no limit at all. I think it’s sexy. Even when I see an illustration of Rapunzel, it manages to turn me on.
The princess in the movie Tangled? Holy shit.
Grade-A babe. And the fact that she was voiced by Mandy Moore only makes it that much better.
Okay, but to give a real-life example that wouldn’t incriminate me, this is more of what I am talking about:
Her hair is so long that it doesn’t even fit the entire image. That is awesome to me.
It is not as socially admissible for men to have long hair. Some do, but to me, it’s not normal. Guys should have short hair and girls should have long hair.
So if you’re a girl, and you’re expected to have long hair — then why the hell not take advantage? If you’re allowed to have hair go down to your waist, then you should absolutely go for it. Why waste the opportunity?
I’ll definitely admit that long hair doesn’t suit all girls. There are plenty of examples of girls who look better with shoulder-length hair. I think that can be perfectly sexy as well if it suits them.
Here is an example of that:
This hairdo is perfectly fine in my book. If Emily Blunt happened to stroll up to me at a bar and said, “Hey dude, you’re pretty cute. Let’s make out,” then I would not prevent that from happening. That is something I would be okay with.
So again, while I prefer girls with longer hair, I have no problem with shoulder-length hair either. It varies per person, and I assume that each girls know what hairstyle suits them better than I do.
But not all of them.
And now we’re delving into the purpose of today’s blog. This past year was an interesting one for female celebrity haircuts, to say the least. For whatever reason unbeknownst to me, every female in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to cut their hair to look like a 14-year-old boy.
I really just don’t get it.
Female celebrities have suddenly become plagued with this notion that short hair looks good. At first it was one or two people who were doing it, but then it spread. Like a flu. But worse. Much worse.
Here are some examples of this travesty:
It actually pains me to see Anne Hathaway with short hair. It physically hurts my soul.
Let me try and put into words just how much I despise this hairstyle: If I were to come across Anne Hathaway while I was at a bar — and I had absolutely no idea who she was — I would dismiss her. I would see the haircut, think, “Ehh, not interested,” and I would just be polite and talk to her and not listen while I’m surveying the rest of the bar for normal-looking long-haired chicks.
And then, of course, when she gets to the part that she’s a millionaire Hollywood actress, I would still be not listening and I would miss a golden opportunity to ride her coattails to fame. But that’s besides the point.
This haircut is appalling. It takes a girl’s attractiveness down mightily, and, again, it makes them look like a little boy. Jerry Sandusky may approve, but I do not.
By the way, I just know that one day I’m going to drunkenly mock a girl who has short hair, only to find out that she is undergoing chemotherapy. You know that’s going to happen because that is something that would happen to me.
But anyway, the other facet of this that I haven’t touched on yet is that I am fairly certain my opinion is universal. I have absolute confidence in saying that most men feel the same way I do. If you were to take a survey of all the guys in the world, and ask them what they think of this hairstyle, I believe that 3 out of 4 would say that this hairstyle doesn’t really suit them on girls.
So why do it? Why? Girls — listen to me. I’m a guy. I’m telling you that this hairstyle is unappealing. Stick to the long hair. You have the God-given right to grow lengthy, beautiful hair to style any way you wish. Don’t let that opportunity go by the wayside.
I, for one, desperately hope that this is a trend that does not carry over into 2013.
Speaking of which, we are just two days away from the new year. To me, New Years is very anticlimactic. By the time early December rolls around, people begin talking so much about New Years that it feels like its been 2013 for a few weeks already. In fact, I’m already so used to 2013 that at midnight on New Years Eve, I’ll probably drunkenly think that it just turned 2014.
But, the changing of the calendar does indeed give us a faux reason to gather with our friends to celebrate. I mentioned yesterday that I am celebrating the occasion with friends in Atlantic City — though I did say it at the end of the blog, so you probably didn’t read that far. In fact you probably aren’t even reading this right now.
If you are though, I hope you all have a happy new year. By the way, something I completely avoided mentioning was that December 18 officially marked the 3-year anniversary of the creation of the Weinblog. Three frickin’ years! Who would of thought that I’d stay sane long enough to consistently do this?
The milestone can be looked at in several different ways. Anniversaries tend to be successful and celebratory occasions, but for blogs, it’s kind of depressing if you think about it. Because it’s not necessarily indicative of success, but more so of endurance. I suppose it is an achievement that I’ve actually stuck with something for three years. Sticking with anything for that long is something to be proud of. Except drugs.
But it’s also a marker of the fact that I’ve accomplished very little in my non-blog life. No offense to you guys, but if I ever become rich and famous and successful, I think it’s safe to say I would stop blogging.
So, this milestone means that since December 18, 2009, I have not become famous, I have not become successful or rich, and instead, I’ve been stuck with you folks for the better part of three years.
And I am perfectly content with that.
Happy New Year!