This new Folgers commercial has surprising incestual undertones

So earlier tonight I was watching Ice Road Truckers, and I noticed… I noticed — okay fine, I was watching UFC. Still no?

Alright, I was watching The Voice. Happy?

While watching The Voice, a Folgers coffee commercial came across my television screen. It brought me way back. The classic jingle for that commercial brings back memories from my childhood, and it is a very pure and melodic tune that I very much enjoy.

But here was that commercial:

It’s hilarious how hard these type of commercials try to tug at your heartstrings. They think of the most sympathetic situation — in this instance it’s a young man returning home from West Africa, presumably because he’s in the military, or because he pulled a Dave Chappelle and traveled to Africa to do some soul searching, while guitar chords strum and serenade us in the background.

So my first reaction upon seeing this commercial was one of joy. It’s nice to see the old Folgers ads back in action. It’s very nostalgic and sets the tone nicely for the holiday season.

But then it occurred to me just how much sexual tension there is in this commercial. It is incredibly awkward. The reason it is so awkward is because the casting in this commercial was done so well — they genuinely look like brother and sister.

The deep stares, the awkward moments of silence, the sensual touching. This is not how brothers and sisters act towards one another. I don’t care what war you are coming back from. Folgers tried so hard to make an emotionally driven ad that they actually unintentionally put out a PSA endorsement on brother-sister love affairs.

Also, I enjoy that her name is simply “Sister.” If I ever have two kids, and they are a boy and a girl, I think it would be a great idea to name one of them ‘Brother’ and the other ‘Sister.’ Seriously, how crack-addled would you have to be to do such a thing? When that mother wakes up in the commercial, it’s not because she longs for the taste of Folgers coffee, but because she needs it to overcome her crack-cocaine withdrawal.

Or maybe my head is just in the gutter, and the commercial is perfectly fine. Maybe all I need is some Folgers in my cup.

In other news, much sadder news at that, a Mexican-American singer named Jenni Rivera died yesterday in a plane crash. Well, I should say that her death is the second piece of news today, since the first piece of news is that a Mexican-American singer named Jenni Rivera existed. I had never heard of her before, but apparently she was pretty big in Mexico.

In the five-minute segment I saw about her on Access Hollywood earlier today (I already admitted that I watched The Voice, it doesn’t get worse than that), she seemed like a quality human being. So rest in peace, Jenni. We hardly knew ye.

The weird thing is that when you access her Twitter page, and refresh it, you’ll notice that her followers are increasing at a rate of more than one-thousand people per minute. That doesn’t really make sense to me. If she is no longer alive, it probably means she is not going to tweet anymore. This isn’t like art, where you invest in somebody’s work after they die.

And in one more piece of news, I feel like I should publicize this clever Twitter feed that has been making waves lately — it’s a modern-day Seinfeld Twitter account, and whoever runs the account posts humorous situations that the Seinfeld characters would find themselves in today. I read a bunch of them, and it’s pretty good. I’d say that two out of every three tweets are genuinely funny.

Which is better than my blog, where I’m at over 660 posts, and I’m still trying to write one funny one.

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