Sometime in my life, when I have money, more time availability, and an access to a scientific laboratory — I want to conduct an experiment.
I want to conduct an experiment that finds the connection between people who makes jokes about the numbers in calendar dates, and the amount of times that person engages in sexual intercourse.
Because you know that the same people who pointed out two months ago that it was 10/11/12, and that last year was 11/11/11, well, you just know that they are going to make it their civic duty to make their friends aware of the fact that tomorrow is 12/12/12.
People who take it upon themselves to actually take time out of their day to look at the numbers in the date, and try to decipher a pattern out of them, clearly aren’t the same people who have success with the opposite gender. Because if you do take it upon yourself to do such a thing, then you probably do a lot of other stupid, worthless things in your spare time that do not involve physical contact with a person of the female variety.
So when I read Facebook statuses tomorrow, or possibly in a couple of hours, that say “Happy 12/12/12,” then what I really am reading is, “I’m a virgin!”
And if you actually wait until midnight to do it, than that translates to, “I’m a lifelong virgin!”
I’m sorry if I’m sounding a bit harsh, but calendar jokes are really the lowest form of humor. They’re not funny, for starters. They’re not creative, and most importantly, they’re not jokes. They’re just you stating what today’s date is.
It would be like if I walked into my office tomorrow morning, and said aloud, “Guess what guys? Today is Wednesday! GET IT?” And then somebody would proceed to throw hot coffee in my face, and I wouldn’t even be mad because I’d deserve it.
The only thing worse than people who point out jokes about the date are the people who actually think the world is going to end on Dec. 21. Though to be honest, I’m actually shocked that more people haven’t been talking about it. We are a mere nine days away from the “apocalypse,” and yet, I haven’t seen any Facebook statuses about it.
Nor have I heard stories of crazy folks storing away non-perishable food and batteries in their fallout shelters to prepare for the incoming apocalypse a la Christopher Walken in “Blast from the Past.”
People went ballistic over last year’s Rapture, which I barely can even remember what month that fell in, and now nobody’s talking about the end of the world. I’m assuming it’s because nobody actually wants it to be the end of the world, and I’m also assuming most people I know would actually prefer to live for more than nine days, and thus, they are not openly rooting for world destruction.
It is fitting that Dec. 21 falls on a Friday though, because it gives plenty of people out there to have the opportunity to throw their little “End of the World” parties while playing very predictable songs like REM’s “It’s the End of the World” or Europe’s “The Final Countdown.”
As for me? I’ll be listening to Taylor Swift’s “Back to December”. The song gets me every time. She just wants a second chance with the man she loves! That’s all!
Yeah I’m going to chalk today up as an off day for me. But at least tomorrow is 12/12/12!