Girls I will never bang

Given the title, this blog post can certainly extend to infinity. But it won’t — don’t worry. Keep reading.

A friend posted a link on my Facebook wall yesterday because he thought I might enjoy it. The link is from a sports and pop culture website called The Big Lead, and it details a wager that was made over Twitter between a guy and a girl.

The girl is a 23-year-old New York Giants fan named Erin Willett, and the guy is an Atlanta Falcons fan whose age or name I could not care less about. Whether the two people actually know each other or not prior to the bet, I do not know. But the context of the bet is that the Giants and Falcons were set to play each other on Sunday.

So what was the wager?

Twitter bet

If the Giants won, the male Twitter user had to confess that he wishes to have the babies of New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning. If the Falcons won the game, the female Giants fan had to strip down to her bra and panties and hold a sign saying “I love the Falcons.”

Wait a minute — how is that a fair bet?

Firstly, if you look at the girl, Erin Willett, you’ll see that she is a very attractive girl. Very attractive. I’m not going to post a photo of her, because that isn’t just one step away from cyber stalking, that is cyber stalking. But you can access her Twitter handle here and see for yourself, which was already accessible in the link I posted above.

So again, I ask, how is that a fair bet?

Guy loses, he posts something completely inconsequential on Twitter. If the girl loses, she strips down for the entire world to see.

My guess is that this Erin Willett girl does not mind the attention. I bet she was the girl in college who you played in beer pong, and before the game started, you would ask her to make a bet on the game, and it would go something like this:

Drunk guy: Alright, let’s make this game interesting and bet on it!

Erin Willett: Sure! What are the terms?

Drunk guy: Alright, umm, if we win, you… uhh… you take your shirt off…

Erin Willett: Deal!

Drunk guy: But I didn’t even finish…

Erin Willett: Woooh let’s play!

Drunk guy: Cool.

Again, she’s attractive, as you probably saw for yourself already, and she’s probably even an aspiring model and/or socialite, and she likes the attention. Why else would you not only accept such an uneven wager, but actually comply with it?

I say comply because the Giants were shutout by the Falcons, 34-0. So, Erin wasted no time fulfilling her end of the bargain. And this picture I have no problem posting, because it’s already all over the Internet.

So I present, Girl I will never bang #1.


As a Jets fan, I have never been too fond of Giants fans. They can be very arrogant, obnoxious, abrasive and boisterous. That being said — this one I like. I can tolerate this Giants fan.

And she seems really easy to bet with. The Giants play the Ravens next week. So I should challenge her to a bet — If the Ravens win, she has to give me a lap dance. If the Giants win, I have to… go outside tomorrow without a jacket. Fair bet. Given her history I’m sure she’d be fine with it.

Also, her Twitter followers skyrocketed to more than 10,000 once this story broke, which is hilarious. If girls want to gain a following, all you have to do is take your top off. If a guy did that, he’d probably get his account suspended.

So there’s that.

Now who are the other girls I will never bang (besides everybody)?

Well, as I type this, the Miss Universe 2012 competition is ongoing. The most beautiful girls in the world are all on the same stage. Here is the full list of contestants.

And without further ado, I present to you, Girls I will never bang #s 2-7.

Miss Estonia Miss GermanyMiss GuatemalaMiss IsraelMiss Puerto RicoMiss USA

These lovely ladies, in order, are Miss Estonia, Miss Germany, Miss Guatemala, Miss Israel, Miss Puerto Rico and Miss USA.

They are all very attractive.

I also love the planet we live on. We tell our youth that “looks don’t matter,” and yet, we glamorize females in national competitions based solely on their physical appearance. But hey, I don’t mind. I’ve never been much of a traveler either, but I wouldn’t mind doing some international exploring with these ladies! You get it? You feel me?

Anyone? Hello?

Alright, before I devolve any further, I should acknowledge the fact that Kate Upton recently did a secret photo shoot. On the surface, that doesn’t really sound like a big deal, since it’s her job to do photo shoots. Well, the stipulation here was that she did a bikini shoot… in… wait for it…


Miss Kate Upton

That takes courage.

And with that, I present Girl I will never bang #8, Miss Kate Upton.

I crown her the winner.

One thought on “Girls I will never bang

  1. Hahaha Glad you’d never bang me. I’m not really into bloggers anyway. Also, I’ve had 10k followers for months now, having nothing to do with this bet, but rather charity work and other photos I’ve had posted on As far as the bet being unfair… there was also more to it than I could fit in 140 characters. It was agreed upon through texting. It was fair, I promise. But thanks for making quick judgments based on nothing substantial at all! 🙂 Nice article!

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