I have a genuine dislike for all my friends who work in schools [during the holidays].

I just had a 3-day weekend from work. It was glorious.

It was one of my longest breaks in two years, and it felt like an eternity. Simply knowing that I had three days off to refresh my batteries, take a mental break and not have to think about work was a miraculous feeling. But then, three days later, it ended, and I returned to work. It felt like I never left.

And then I remember all of my friends who work in schools. They are currently in the middle of a two-week break from work.

After that, they get another week-long break in February. I’m sure when that one ends, there’s some holiday break in April for Easter and Passover.

Finally, they get one more mini break in the form of a 3-month summer vacation.

Fuck.

That.

How is this allowed? How can anybody in the working field be allowed to have three months off? That’s longer than the amount of time people are off in between jobs. You can get fired and/or quit from one job, be upset, go on a drinking binge, send out resumes, get an interview, and then get hired at a new job during the time that school teachers are on break.

I know that teachers work hard. I get that. They get into work really early in the morning, and wake up even earlier than that. They stay late when school is done to go to conferences and meetings. They… uh… they… I guess that’s it. They grade papers. That’s something.

Alright, so I’m just bitter about the fact that they get extended breaks. So when it’s the holidays, and I hear about people saying they have the next two weeks off, I legitimately want to throw a rock at them. It’s absolutely unfathomable to me — as someone who gets a grand total of six days off a year — to imagine having months off at a time. It just doesn’t make any sense.

And when September rolls around, I have absolutely no sympathy at all. I throw a party to mark the first day that teachers return to school. It’s my happiest day of the year.

Once schools are back in session, then all is right in the world. Everybody is in their rightful place, doing the jobs that they were hired for. From September through November, it’s like we’re living in a Utopia where everyone gets along and shares everything, and there’s an ever glowing rainbow hovering over every building.

But then the holidays come, and we enter a post-apocalyptic era where it is schoolteachers versus non-school teachers. It’s like a reenactment of Stephen King’s The Last Stand, which I have actually never read which is probably shameful for an English major but I know that there are two major sides against each other, hence the name “The Stand.”

I know I can’t be the only person who feels this way. I know everyone else who works their year-round job must become jealous when their friends are enjoying their eighth consecutive day off from work.

But you know I really love y’all. School teacher or not, you have my love. Just not during the holidays. And during the times when I have to attend school Board of education meetings for my work, I come to the realization that a lot of these newly hired female teachers are extremely cute. So there’s that.

Of course, when I inevitably sit in my office doing work on a hot afternoon in July, and I log onto Facebook and see my teacher friends posting pictures for their vacation abroad, that’s when hatred once again re-emerges.

Though I guess it’s all compensated by the fact that my job allows me to sleep until 9 a.m. Now people probably hate me for that.

So this may very well be the last time I post before New Years. I’ll try to throw one up on Friday or Saturday before I head to ATLANTIC CITY with my friends to welcome in the new year — some of whom work in schools and hopefully will not read this before then.

But if I am unable to blog again, then I want to wish everyone a happy New Years, and I hope — like every other New Years — all of your plans fail miserably. Because you know they will. You know.

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