All hail the happy couples of 2013

The excitement is over, the holiday cheer has diminished, we’re all back to our normal lives and we officially have nothing to live for.

Okay so that is the most pessimistic outlook to have at the beginning of the New Year, but we’ve officially hit that anticlimactic period that follows Christmas and News Years Eve. It’s crazy to think that we are now back in the first half of the year, and all of those holidays where you might plan trips are seemingly right around the corner once again.

Within just a few short months you have St. Patrick’s Day, Memorial Day, and before you know it it’s the 4th of July again. I’m already anticipating 2014. Because before you know it, it’ll be here.

Today was my first trip to the gym of 2013. However, I didn’t look at it that way because I go to the gym regularly. I last went on Friday, Dec. 29. But when I got there today, the place was packed. And then I remembered. Everybody has the motivation to start working out at the beginning of a new year. January 1st is like the Superbowl for gyms.

Also, there were too many attractive girls at my gym that I had never seen before. Like, girls who don’t even need to go to the gym because they look so fit. Why was it their New Years resolution to start exercising when they clearly don’t need to? Either way, I didn’t like it — it threw me off my rhythm.

And one more thing — when I was running on the treadmill, there was literally a dude next to me who would not stop coughing. I understand wanting to go to the gym when you’re sick, I actually do it all of the time. But this kid was coughing every five seconds, and it sounded like he had emphysema. He was about 16-years-old, I guessed, and he was coughing like a 72-year-old lifetime chain smoker. That’s how sick he was.

Again, trying to stay in shape even while you’re sick is admirable. But when you’re hacking up a lung, it’s probably better off to go home. I wanted to kill the damn kid. I was right in the thick of my run, but I wanted to stop the treadmill, look at him, and tell him to get the hell out of here and go have some goddamn tea. If he got me sick, he’s done.

Moving on.

The countdown to New Year’s Eve is a thrilling time. But it’s a particularly romantic time for couples. If you love someone, or at least like them a lot, then what better way to enter a new year then by kissing them at midnight? It’s heartwarming. A little uncomfortable at times also, but a nice gesture nonetheless. It’s even magical, one might say.

So I thought I should honor all of these couples by celebrating a few of them in particular.

First you have Taylor Swift and Harry Styles. The two entered 2013 while locking lips, and there is video evidence to prove it!

I mean, how does it not get better than this? Taylor, who was linked to about four different guys in December alone, is now with a British boy band member who is five years her junior.

You all know I love Taylor to death, but it’s undeniable that she has history at this point of having short but lustful flings with different celebrity males. The extent of the relationships remain speculative to the public, but we do know that Taylor has a habit of deriving inspiration from these relationships for future songs. 

But never mind the fact that her relationships have the shelf life of a loaf of bread, I don’t think there’s any reason to think that this won’t be the one that sticks. Despite every piece of historic evidence that clearly indicates that this relationship is only doomed for failure and misery, I believe that these two will grow old together, and that this relationship is only heading in one direction — and that’s forward.

Cheers to the happy couple!

And then you have another beautiful pair of lovebirds — Chris Brown and Rihanna. The two were recently seen in public as a couple at a Los Angeles Lakers game.

Brown Rihanna

It really doesn’t get anymore heartwarming than this. Think of every sappy love story you’ve ever heard or seen in the movies, and it can’t top this. Brown and Rihanna were once an item, as everybody knows, but then split up after some tiny scuffle that was overblown by the media.

But now, they’ve settled their differences, and like any good female should — Rihanna learned to shove aside small inconveniences like getting the shit beaten out of you and has learned the true meaning of forgiveness. It brings tears to your eyes, and these two sure set an example of how every single relationship should be.

Cheers to the happy couple!

And lest we not forget arguably the most popular couple of the past year — Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. The two underwent a tragic, traumatic and highly publicized breakup towards the end of 2012, only to get back together about… a day later. Here they were seen around Christmastime getting snuggly in an airport:

Selena Bieber

Justin Bieber is 18 and Selena Gomez is 20. Therefore, this relationship is bound to be more than just a teenage romance and in fifty years from now we will still look upon these two as inseparable. Because everyone knows that when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend while in your late teens, that the relationship will surely last forever.

The fact that they broke up and got back together ten minutes later just proves that these two can’t live without one another. It pains me that everyone else in the world will not experience the same happiness as Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are experiencing.

Cheers to the happy couple!

And last, but certainly not least, is the man, the myth and the legend — Hugh Hefner.

The Playboy creator is famously known for having girlfriends who aren’t just good catches for an 80-year-old man, but for every man in the world who has a penis. He’s known to have a type, specifically lean blondes with lascivious breasts, and it’s hard to really blame him for that.

While Hugh is known to typically have up to three girlfriends as a time — and let’s face it, who doesn’t? — he finally ditched his monogamous ways and tied the knot with his longtime (and by longtime I mean two years) girlfriend Crystal Harris.

Hugh Crystal

This is the third marriage for Hugh, who is 86-years-old and is fifty years older than Crystal, 36. I mean, it would be flat-out wrong to assume that Crystal is marrying the man for any reason other than pure love and unrequited devotion, and not because of the fact that he is worth an estimated $50 million and could drop dead at any moment.

Seriously though, Hugh is a legend and I really can’t insult. I mean, right before Crystal Harris, he was dating identical twins. IDENTICAL. What more can you say?

But the twins ditched him in 2010, and Hugh moved on to Crystal, and now the two are happily in love in a relationship that clearly faces no obstacles whatsoever.

Cheers to the happy couple!

And there you have four examples of prime couples who epitomize all of the other happy couples that exist in our world, and who enjoyed a romantic kiss at the start of 2013.

It’s just so wonderful to know how much love is out there.

One thought on “All hail the happy couples of 2013

  1. I’m going to get a lot of shit for being the one to say what we’re all thinking, but I really hope Rhianna gets beat by Chris Brown again. Only then will she and all the girls who look up to her realize how serious domestic abuse is….Well, if nothing else, it’ll help her sell another Cd.

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