The Super Bowl is the biggest sporting event of the year.
It’s also the most overrated sporting event of the year. Yeah, I said it. And that’s coming from a giant sports fan — and somebody who makes it a point to never miss any games of his favorite teams.
The hype and grandeur surrounding the Super Bowl is just too much. As a die-hard sports fan, I anticipate every sporting game. Even if it’s a meaningless game during the middle of the season of one of my favorite teams, regardless of the sport, I love to sit down in front of the television and watch the whole thing. It doesn’t need to be the Super Bowl, or any championship game for that matter, for me to enjoy it.
It also doesn’t help that my teams almost never even make it to the championship games. Which brings me to my list of reasons as to why I, a big sports fan, despise the Super Bowl.
My team is never in it.
I am a lifelong Jets fan, and unfortunately, that lifelong devotion has never included a Super Bowl berth. The last time the New York Jets played in the Super Bowl was 1969, when they defeated the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III.
By the time the Super Bowl comes around, my team is usually long out of it (with the exception of 2010 and 2011), and thus, my interest has waned.
If the Jets had played in a recent Super Bowl, then yes, I would love the game. I would shout from my rooftop the day before the Super Bowl, encouraging everybody to watch the big game and cheer on Gang Green. But that never happens. So it pains me to watch another team win the Super Bowl. If I can’t have it, then nobody should.
The game is too long.
Jesus Christ, when did Super Bowls take five hours to complete?
Unfortunately, I can’t find any records that provide the historical duration of all 46 Super Bowls. However, if I were to locate such information, I guarantee you would see that the number has increased dramatically over the past few decades.
The first Super Bowl was played in 1967 between the Packers and Chiefs, and I bet they finished the game in under three hours. But now? Forget it.
Never mind having the time to go to the bathroom in between commercial breaks, you now have the time to watch entire past Super Bowls during commercial breaks. With the amount of revenue that television stations pull in with advertisements, you bet that they’ll find the time to squeeze in six or seven commercials per television timeout.
And they might as well not even call it a halftime show anymore. At this point it’s a halftime concert. You can dish out hundreds of dollars for a Super Bowl ticket, and get your money’s worth solely because of the halftime performance. I honestly expect to hear Beyonce’s entire discography this Sunday. From recent songs such as “If I were a Boy,” to the more upbeat Destiny’s Child stuff like “Survivor” or “Bills, Bills, Bills,” back when there were like 19 members of the band because they could never find a consistent number.
Also, I think Beyonce’s outfit in the music video for “Survivor” may have been the source of one of my earliest erections in life. Hey, I was 13.
Too much buildup.
This may not be a problem for the casual sports fan, who typically avoids sports radio, television and websites, but for the bigger fans who spend much of their time on such mediums — it’s torture. Again, I’d have no problem with it if it were my team, but it never is — so I don’t need to hear 22 different reports on the same exact story lines over and over again.
I’m already sick of the Super Bowl. I’m tired of hearing about the Harbaugh brothers. I don’t want to hear Ray Lewis’s name anymore.
Although I guess two weeks isn’t too long when you consider that the Notre Dame Fighting Irish waited 45 days between their last regular season game on Nov. 24 and the BCS National Championship game on Jan. 7. But that’s just a whole new level of ridiculousness that I’m not going to get into right now. Although, it did allot more time for Manti Te’o to go on some imaginary dates.
No guarantee of excitement
Every now and then you’ll get an epic thriller of a Super Bowl — like Super Bowl 34 between the Titans and Rams, or Super Bowl 38 between the Panthers and Patriots, or Super Bowl 42 between the Giants and the Patriots, are a few that come to mind. However, those games only come around every few years. And for a game that only occurs once a year, that’s not enough.
There’s nothing worse than preparing for the big game, only to watch a dud. That could very well happen during any given Super Bowl.
Too much pressure
Arguably the most annoying part of the Super Bowl experience is… planning what to do for the Super Bowl. It’s a game that — sports fan or not — one becomes obligated to revolve plans around. Last year’s Super Bowl scored a national Nielsen rating of 47.0. That means that half of the people in the U.S. who own a television watched the game.
It’s an event. You can’t watch the game by yourself in your living room — you have to gather with a group of people. And that’s certainly not a problem. Any excuse to see your friends is a good excuse. But the problem is that there’s just too much pressure to create extravagant plans for the game, and thus, when the game draws nearer, and you still lack plans — everybody starts getting nervous.
It should never come to that.
You’re forced to use Roman numerals
I understand that the history and the tradition of the Super Bowl is what makes the game so resplendent. But it’s 2013, we have perfectly good sets of numbers, so why not use them? Can we please just call it Super Bowl 47, and not Super Bowl XLVII? It should never take me more than a second to read a number.
And if I want to research past Super Bowls, I actually have to do math. This is not okay.
When I lay eyes on a Roman numeral, my first thought isn’t, “Oh, that’s a number.” Instead, my first thought is fear and abandonment.
All of the above reasons are why I am not a big fan of the Super Bowl. Planning for the game, and then watching it, feels like a chore to me rather than an enjoyment. And that should never be the case for a sports fan.
And I didn’t even mention the disgusting amounts of food I am going to stuff my face with on the big day. Because another wonderful tradition is the tendency to overload on pizza, beer and wings. When’s the last time you saw somebody put out a spread of hummus and broccoli dip on Super Bowl Sunday?
Like every other American, I hate Mondays. There’s no worse feeling than waking up early on a Monday and knowing that you have to do this four more days in a row.
However, the Monday immediately following Super Bowl Sunday? That one I don’t mind.
But like Beyonce once sang, I’ll survive.