Paying homage to the hotties of the sports world

It’s been too long since I’ve devolved to my misogynistic ways and simply spent a blog post devoted towards discussing attractive females. Let’s change that.

Last week, I wrote a playful post lambasting women for not being as interested in sports as men are. I say “playful” because obviously I am well aware that lots and lots of women enjoy sports.

And any guy will tell you — there is not many things that are sexier than a girl who is into sports.

Let me even take it one step further. It’s awesome when girls get into sports, but even more awesome — and courageous — when a female decides to pursue a career in sports. I call it courageous because the sports industry is undoubtedly a profession that is dominated by men. So to go toe-to-toe with the male honchos, and endure a lifetime worth of subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle — hi Steve Phillips!) sexual harassment — it’s brave.

And I’m not talking about the actual athletes. It’s one thing to be born with god-given athletic talent, but it’s another to enter the field just because you like it. The reporters. The anchors.

Unfortunately for women, though, they must have the whole package to be hired among such stiff competition. What is the whole package? Looks, personality and knowledge.

All the males in the industry pretty much lack those three things. So when a woman does become a prominent sports personality, it usually means she’s pretty freaking awesome. So let me honor these women by shamefully analyzing nothing but their looks.

Charissa Thompson Charissa Thompson

I actually had no idea who this person was until a few days ago when I saw SportsNation on my television, and I wondered what the
heck happened to the previous host, Michelle Beadle. Actually, I thought Thompson was Michelle Beadle for a few minutes until I made the realization.

Anyway, apparently she has been working for ESPN for two years now, and she has a pretty face and long, flowing blond hair. That’s good enough for me. Though I find it pretty funny that ESPN loses one blond, and then just goes ahead and replaces her with another.

But she’s 30 and she’s single. And she likes sports. I’m happy with that. Even if her first name needs to come with a pronunciation guide. Is it CHA-rissa or KA-rissa, dammit?

Rachel Nichols2Rachel Nichols

Ah, everyone’s favorite redhead. Besides Amy Adams. And maybe that chick from Mad Men.

Rachel Nichols has one of the more alluring faces in all of sports entertainment. Her eyes are very seductive, her pale skin looks silky smooth, but there’s just one downside — no personality.

I know sports reporters are expected to remain biased and keep their opinions out of their work, but come on, it’s okay to laugh or joke around every now and then, Rachel. I appreciate your professionalism, but I can honestly say that I’d be afraid to date her because I’d fear we’d have absolutely nothing to talk about besides sports.

Amazingly, Rachel is 39 years old. I can’t believe that. Either way, she was one of the “first” hot woman of sports reporting, and we owe her our respect for that.

Samantha Ponder Samantha Ponder

Formerly known as Samantha Steele, Sam went ahead and recently got herself hitched to Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder, which immediately detracts from her appeal.

However, she’s easily the youngest of the crop, at 27 years old, and there’s still plenty of time left to get a divorce.

Again, there’s not really much to dislike here. She’s got the luminous blond hair (see: Charissa Thompson), she’s on the right side of 30 and she’s mighty fine at gripping a microphone. That skill can come in handy.

For things like, holding hands or throwing a football. What did you think I meant?

Lindsay CzarniakLindsay Czarniak

Now we’re talking. Lindsay Czarniak came out of nowhere and burst on the scene as a prominent ESPN anchor about a year ago. And man, I can honestly say that I have a crush.

Not only does she have an amazing body, but she has an incredible smile. Yeah, that’s right. I said it. And for me to point out that a girl has a nice smile, it must be pretty sensational. And it is.

Also, anybody who watches ESPN can easily sense that she has a very bubbly and joyful personality. She really is the total package. She’s 35-years-old, but all that means is that she is in the prime of her life in the looks department.

She’s also married to a black guy. Make you want out of that.

Erin Andrews

Erin AndrewsAnd here we are. The queen of female sports personalities. Anyone who watches sports has known about Erin for a while, but she obviously got a boost in notoriety when an insanely creepy and voyeuristic video was uploaded to the Internet, where someone filmed her naked in her hotel room for a good several minutes.

I swear I didn’t watch it. I would never do such a thing. I’m beyond that.

So, umm, where was I? Right, Erin Andrews. Aside from having an amazing body without any clothes on — from what I hear — she also has a very effervescent personality, and is extremely likable. To say she is “pretty” wouldn’t do her justice. She’s beautiful.

She was born to be doing what she’s doing, and if I was an aspiring athlete, I would train hard to make it professional if for no other reason than to have the privilege to be interviewed by Erin Andrews. Plus, she also looked pretty amazing during her stint on Dancing with the Stars.

Erin dancing

Bonus photo!

I applaud all of these fine women for having the audacity to enter a man’s world and make a name for themselves. Their beauty only makes them that much more appealing.

Plus it gives us sports fans something pleasant to look at besides the bonehead former athletes like Dan Marino who are always on camera. And something tells me that Erin Andrews looks better in that yellow dress above than Dan Marino ever would.

And yes I have seen the nude video.

About two dozen times.

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