Gauging the Grammys

A few weeks ago I said that I was going to try my hand at live-blogging the next major awards shows, including yesterday’s Grammy Awards. I contemplated doing it throughout most of the day, but as 8 p.m. approached, and I pondered the prospect of having to type at my computer nonstop for three-and-a-half straight hours, I decided, screw that.

Especially after a long weekend, which included an hour and forty-five minutes worth of shoveling following the great blizzard of 2013 on Saturday morning. I decided to do what I always do instead — sit back, enjoy the show, and just recap all of the highlights tomorrow.

There was other big news recently, which comprised Sports Illustrated covers and popes, but that will have to wait. It’s Grammy time, baby!

Last year, upon analyzing the Grammys, I discussed how I believed that the 2012 show was one of the better ones in years. This year, the Grammys built off its strong 2012, and I really enjoyed last night’s show for a myriad of reasons.

As usual, I avoided the two-hour red carpet special beforehand, because, well, nothing in life is more unnecessary than a two-hour red carpet special.

Although, I did turn it on just in time to tragically discover, that E!’s coverage included a new implementation — a Mani-camMani cam

Celebrities were actually expected to stick their hands into the small boxed-shape camera, which was designed to emulate a mini red carpet, and show off their manicures to the world.

I can tell you that I have the bare minimum of interest in celebrity outfits. I won’t say I have no interest, because — like any man — I have no problem looking at hot women wear skin-tight dresses that show off their curves. That’s fine with me. I’m cool with it.

But as far as observing women’s fingernails, I just can’t really think of anything in the world that interests me less than that. I really can’t. The only time I care about a women’s hands are when they are wrapped around my —

Sorry, I just sneezed. Where was I?

Oh right, when they are wrapped around my shoulders in sweet embrace while we lie in an open field staring at the stars. That’s the only time I care.

But speaking of skin-tight dresses, did uhh, did anyone see Katy Perry last night?

I mean, good God. Katy Perry may receive a lot of flack for her singing voice, but she really does have a gorgeous — and borderline perfect — set of… eyes.

Seriously, they should have invented a Grammy just for those things. Her eyes, that is. I seriously think I can stare at that image for maybe six straight hours and not get bored. If only I studied Katy Perry in college instead of literature, I would have been like a freaking savant!

Oh and Rihanna also looked pretty good too.

Rihanna Grammys

Very elegant, I must say.

Although, I didn’t know it until last night, but apparently CBS implemented a dress code to all of the presenters and performers, requesting them to “cover up.”  That is disappointing to say the least.

Between Mani-cams and dress codes, the night was not off a strong start. But it improved.

One thing I can certainly say is that I genuinely enjoyed all of the performances. From Mumford & Sons, to Ed Sheeran and Elton John, to Fun., to the Lumineers, the Black Keys, Jack White, Justin Timberlake and obviously my girl Taylor Swift, I was highly entertained and pleased.

I even enjoyed Frank Ocean’s performance towards the end of the show. I haven’t really discussed Frank O. much on this blog before, but I can honestly say that I am a fan of him. I’m not a big R&B guy, but I respect him because he has no gimmicks, no auto-tune, no props, it’s just him and a keyboard, and that’s it. And I dig that.

I also thought it was unbelievably courageous of him, last June, to admit publicly that his first love in life was a man. It was a bold move that could have meant career suicide, but instead, the public has embraced him and his talent. He really does deserve a lot of success, and he got it last night with two Grammys.

But what was with the new category that he won in, Best Urban Contemporary Album? Seriously? I mean, you might as well just call the category, “Best Album by a Black Man.” It’s like the Grammys thought they needed more hip-hop categories to offset all the country ones. Although, the addition of Urban Contemporary actually pushed the Rap Album of the Year award off of the main show. Sorry, Drake.

And speaking of the awards, another thing I enjoyed about the show was the diversity of the award distribution. Too often, one artist sweeps all the major awards. Adele did it last year (and won another last night.) However, this year, it was spread out — Mumford & Sons deservedly won Album of the Year, Gotye won for best record, Fun. won for best song, Black Keys won for best rock album, etc. I enjoyed that.

I’m not going to post any videos of the performances since you can just look them all up yourselves, but I will post one, because if you missed it, you have to check out the rendition of “The Weight,” sung by Elton John, Mumford & Sons, Zac Brown, Alabama Shakes and others. It was sung as tribute to Levon Helm and the other musicians who died this past year, and it was phenomenal.

I also highly enjoyed the Bob Marley tribute, which featured Bruno Mars, Sting, Rihanna and Bob’s sons Damian and Ziggy Marley.

And I also highly enjoyed how CBS cut to Taylor Swift to get her reaction during nearly every performance.


Good job, CBS.

And finally — LL Cool J.

LL Cool JI like LL. He hosted last year also, and I thought he did a fine job. He’s well-spoken, he’s eloquent and seems very likable. I also enjoyed his role in the 1998 film, The Deep Blue Sea.

But did he really need to close out the awards? Like, really? Last year, the closing act was Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl, Joe Walsh and other classic rock musicians.

This year, it was LL Cool J, Chuck D, Tom Morello and Travis Barker. That is a little bet of a step down if I ever saw one.

And not only that, but they started playing commercials during the performance. That’s right — while they were singing “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn” in memoriam of recently deceased Beastie Boys member Adam Yauch, we were watching a commercial and hearing a voice-over. Rest in peace MCA, Delta Airlines salutes you.

But at the end of the day, the 55th Annual Grammy Awards was pretty damn good, and I was satisfied with the results and the performances.

Although, another year has gone by, and I’m still waiting for blogs to gain their own Grammy category. It’s only a matter of time. Hey, if Best Spoken Word Album is a thing, then blogging can be too!

In the meantime, I’m going to go back and stare at Katy Perry’s eyes for a while.

And by eyes, I really mean breasts.

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