Attention celebrities: Please stop brutally assaulting your hot wives and/or girlfriends

I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with some people. It may be that Chris Brown started a popular trend — savagely beating your attractive girlfriend and/or wife. By beating Rihanna to a bloody pulp, it appears that Brown made it “cool” to be a wife-beater. That’s the only explanation I can think of, at least.

I say this because it appears to have become a recent trend.

You have Oscar Pistorius, who as you all know, took it one step further and said, “Why beat my girlfriend when I can actually murder her?”

I’ve already touched on this recently, but the new news from this case is that Pistorius is denying that he willfully killed his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, a South African model.

A lot of things bother me about that article, both in its details and its presentation. And I’m not picking on ABCNews  — whenever this story is publicized by any outlet, the news is that Pistorius “murdered his girlfriend.” They don’t even mention her name in this article until the sixth paragraph. That’s a huge insult to the memory of this female victim.

But anyway, Pistorius is not denying that he fired the bullets that ended Steenkamp’s life, but he is alleging that he had no intention of murdering her. That distinction is obviously the difference between first and second or third-degree murder, and also the difference between a lifetime in jail or a few years in jail.

Apparently Pistorius’s excuse is that he thought he heard an intruder, became terrified, and without putting on his prosthetic legs, began shooting, having believed that Steenkamp was asleep in bed.

Yeah, he’s really going to milk the prosthetic leg angle, isn’t he? If he really wants to gain the sympathy of the jury, he should crawl from the defendant’s booth to the witness stand during his murder trial.

The crazy thing about this — and this is a Weinblog exclusive (not really) — is that Pistorius, during a New York Times interview in January, said that he both owned a gun and lived in fear of one day being burglarized. Here are a couple of clips from that article:

…he mentioned that a security alarm in the house had gone off the previous night, and he had grabbed his gun and tiptoed downstairs. (It turned out to be nothing.)

“We should go to the range,” he said. He fetched his 9-millimeter handgun and two boxes of ammunition. We got back in the car and drove to a nearby firing range, where he instructed me on proper technique. Pistorius was a good coach. A couple of my shots got close to the bull’s-eye, which delighted him. “Maybe you should do this more,” he said. “If you practiced, I think you could be pretty deadly.” I asked him how often he came to the range. “Just sometimes when I can’t sleep,” he said.

Watch this scumbag get off on the charges. Just watch. But anyway, the point I want to emphasize here is that throughout all of this, he was a lucky bastard to be dating somebody as beautiful as Reeva Steenkamp.

Normal, average, two-legged men can only dream of dating a woman who looks anything like this. I’m thrilled when I hook up with a girl who is a 7 on the “looks scale,” but if I actually had the opportunity to date a supermodel, then I assure you I would not let that opportunity go to waste. And I certainly would not take her for granted.

I’d write her symphonies. I’d make her breakfast in bed during dinner time. I’d travel the world so I could find and hand-deliver her actual birthstone.

I certainly would not harm her in any way, let alone kill her.

But Oscar Pistorius is not alone in his brutality.

Earlier today, CBS News anchor Rob Morrison was arrested after police say he choked his wife in his Connecticut home. He has since been hit with a felony charge of second-degree strangulation, which, until this moment, I did not know could be a charge.

His wife, Ashley Morrison, is a fellow anchor. Take a look at her:

Guys, listen to me. Please. STOP BEATING YOUR WIVES. STOP SHOOTING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.

Stop the madness.

It is the American Dream for every man — every man — to make a little bit of money, be able to support themselves, and one day marry a hot girl. That’s all we strive for. To be able to have a hot woman by your side at all times, who only wants to have sex with you and nobody else, is our mission in life.

To be able to walk into a party with the hottest girl in the room, and to tell everyone else that she is “your wife,” is the endgame. After that, it’s okay to lose some of your motivation in life. Maybe you’ll become a little chubby. Maybe your work performance will decline a bit.

That’s fine. It’s expected, even understandable.

But please, for the love of God, don’t ever resort to physically hurting these fine specimens. The fact that they chose you should be something that you are forever indebted to. So how can you repay them in such a way?

Again, it all dates back to Chris Brown. By beating Rihanna to a pulp, he screwed up so royally, so profoundly, that he inadvertently paved the way for other less-famous men to beat their wives, and be able to have the excuse, “Well, at least I didn’t do what Chris Brown did.”

And the fact that Rihanna actually returned to Chris Brown only validates these violent rationalizations.

Take it from me, people. The only “hitting” men should be doing with females — especially hot females — is drunkenly and embarrassingly hitting on them at bars, only to fail miserably.

At least in those cases I keep my dignity.

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