Oh yeah, so a meteor hit Russia.

Last Friday, a 10,000 ton-meteor hit Russia. 

A meteor, from outer space, just meandered into our Earth’s atmosphere — over Russia — without anybody knowing that it was coming.

I’m not going to pretend that I know absolutely anything about outer space, but doesn’t that strike anybody else as a little odd? I can look on weather.com right now and see what the hour-by-hour weather is going to be like on March 19, and yet, one day earlier, nobody knew that a freaking meteor was going to enter out atmosphere?

For crying out loud, the word METEOR is in their freaking job description! It’s “meteorologist!” So, when there is a meteor on its way, shouldn’t they be all over that? It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Where the hell were you guys?

Although, on second thought, maybe it was a good thing that nobody knew. Whenever meteorologists predict that we’re going to get a foot of snow, people panic. Gas station lines become two miles long. Walmarts become sanctuaries. People lock themselves in their fallout shelters for 35 years with Christopher Walken (or is that a movie?)

So if the Russian people knew that a meteor was coming, it would have been pure and utter chaos. I can’t even begin to imagine it. In all seriousness, I’m not saying that Russia would have been pure anarchy — although, who knows, it might have — but at the very least, nobody would have left their home that day.

But the point is that this was completely unprecedented. We’ve had sparkles of meteor particles shower our Earth before, but we’ve yet to have a meteor of this stature just come and hang out in our atmosphere.

Just take a look at this bad boy!


That was footage captured by a Russian on their car’s dashboard camera while he was rushing home from work.

First of all, if this meteor exposed anything — other than how badly meteorologists missed this — it’s that dashboard cameras are a thing.  Why is Russia so ahead of the game? Why aren’t dashboard cameras in American cars?

If American vehicles carried such a camera, it would be a goldmine of footage. Not just for YouTube, but for other important situations, such as motor vehicle accidents. No more “he said, she said,” during a traffic dispute, let’s just go to the camera!

Red light cameras would be nonexistent also, and dashboard camera would be able to capture potential police corruption. You didn’t deserve that ticket, you say? Let’s check the tape!

Damn it, Obama, get on this shit!

My second gripe I have about this meteor is the fact that I have to keep referencing it as “the meteor.” We name hurricanes, and we name blizzards, but we can’t name meteors? A meteor is an actual celestial object. It makes sense to give it a name. It has a physical body.

My final gripe is why the person who is driving that car in that video did not freak out anymore than he did. You can hear him speak during the latter part of the video, but it sound like he is commenting with the same air one would comment about seeing an airplane in the sky. But instead of saying, “oh, look an airplane,” he said, “Oh look, a meteor.”

If it was me, and I saw that, I would be screaming. I’d be yelling obscenities. At the very least, I would slightly veer off of the road. This guy somehow managed to maintain pristine driving abilities. Had this guy been taking his road test at the time of that meteor crossing, he would have passed flawlessly.

Lastly, if it was me, I wouldn’t have thought it was a meteor. I would have assumed a nuclear missile. Especially since North Korea’s nuclear program has been in the news lately. Had I seen that bright light streak across the sky, I would have prepared myself to be decimated in 10 seconds because of a fiery explosion.

And yet, amazingly, nobody died in this incident. A 10,000 ton meteor comes directly for Earth traveling 33,000 miles-per-hour, exploding with the force of 20 atomic bombs, and nobody dies. However, 1,500 people were injured — two of them seriously (pussies!) But apparently, according to people who are a lot smarter than me, the Earth’s atmosphere absorbed the majority of the meteor’s energy.

In case you’re scoring at home, NASA said that the fireball was the largest reported since 1908, when a meteor hit Tunguska, Siberia, and flattened an estimated 80 million trees. I guess that means no people died, because you’d think that would be the top story moreso than trees. Although, I don’t know about you guys, but I’d gladly exchange a few people in our world if it meant saving a couple of trees.

So, that’s pretty much all there is to it. At the end of the day, it was just another meteor shower. No biggie.

But I guess there’s one good thing that came out of all this.

It took the Harlem Shake out of the news.

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