What happens in the doctor’s office, stays in the doctor’s office. Until now.

There is an unspoken bond between patients and doctors. And I’m not even speaking of HIPAA laws or doctor-patient confidentiality agreements. I’m referring more to the personal relationship that exists. You trust them. You confide in them. And if there is something wrong with you, then you damn well expect them to discover it.

Unfortunately, for them to discover such things, they must observe you… everywhere. Therefore, when we go in for our yearly checkups, it’s no-holds barred. Your doctor’s going to get all up in there.

But we never talk about it elsewhere. When your doctor is observing you down there, he keeps it professional, maybe even maintains a conversation, and then it’s done. By the way, I said “he” and not “she” because I have never had a female doctor. And that’s not because I think they’re incompetent, but it’s because I wouldn’t be able to trust myself during an examination.

Anyway, after the checkup, you go back home and go about your life. Nobody ever shares specific details about their doctor’s appointments with their friends and families. In fact, you purposely hide details. What happens in the doctor’s office stays in the doctor’s office. You’ll never, ever hear a male approach his friend and be like, “Yo dude, my doctor just touched my wee-wee! High five!” You will take that with you to your grave.

For women, it goes even one step further. Thankfully — and I’ve never meant “thankfully” more in my life — guys never have to step into a gynecologist’s office in their lives for their own bodily needs. Unless you undergo a gender transformation, but, I’m not going to go there.

I can’t even imagine what the mood in the room must be like when a girl is being examined by her OBGYN. Nor do I know if I even want to imagine it. Honestly, it sucks that girls have to do that. I feel bad for you. That’s a whole bunch of extra medical bills that us guys never have to worry about in our lives.

But anyway, the point is, like males with their doctors, there is a certain trust in these situations. If your doctor underwent the whole process of going through years and years and years of medical schooling and training, why would they ever risk losing their license by doing anything inappropriate? We don’t just hope — we expect our doctors to convey the utmost professionalism.

However, one must remember that there is a human element. If you are a male gynecologist, and you spend your day looking at female private parts, then how can there not be some kind of temptation there? It’s hormonal nature for men to become aroused. It would be wrong if they didn’t. So, looking at it from that perspective, then it wouldn’t shock me if there was that one odd doctor in the bunch who gave into those sinful urges.

And his name is Nikita Levy.

Reportedly, Levy, an OBGYN at John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, had a concealed camera in his pen that he wore in a necklace around his neck. A a suspicious employee reported him to hospital officials on Feb. 4, and Levy, after being confronted, handed over several recording devices that he had been using on his patients and keeping for his own personal use. Two weeks later, Levy killed himself in his home.

Lovely story.

Clearly, his suicide is a guilty plea. Knowing he was doomed for eternity, and would be forever stamped as “Dr. Perv,” he decided that death was better than a tainted reputation (pun intended), jail time, and a lifetime’s worth of lawsuits. Allegedly, 2,000 of Levy’s patients have contacted a hotline that was established last week after this story broke.

The guy had 2,000 patients! That is 2,000 vaginas!


Plus you have to admit — if you’re going to conceal a camera, putting it inside a necklace pen is pretty ingenious. I personally would have went with the stethoscope.

Obviously this is nothing to joke about. But that being said, it’s 2,000 motherfu&*%ng vaginas! I watch porn more than any man should, and I’m still not even close to that number. And this guy saw them live!

There’s still no excuse for his behavior, but the fact that he had so many patients must mean that he was a pretty reputable physician. And then he goes and does something like this. That’s OBGY-Napproptiate. (Give me a little credit for that.)

The lesson that should be learned here is that you should never blindly trust your doctors. Just because they have a few plaques on the wall, and a couple of initials after their name, it doesn’t guarantee professionalism. And next time my doctor goes to put his hands on my seldom-touched body parts, I am going to sneak a look to ensure there is no hidden camera draped around his neck or inside his pocket. The only thing I want going viral after a doctor’s visit are my cells.

It also surprises me that so many women confide in male gynecologists. But I know absolutely nothing about that so I won’t press that any further.

Although, if you can’t afford a gynecologist — or no longer trust them after this story — then I heard that bloggers are the next best thing.

Just saying.

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