There are two people in this world — those with tattoos and those without.
And I’m certainly not categorizing that as good or bad, or right or wrong. In fact I don’t think anything in this world can be defined into simply “good” and “bad.” But that’s besides the point.
But I do certainly think that, for the most part, there is a stark contrast in personalities and lifestyles between those who are inked up and those who prefer to keep their skin in tact.
In my opinion, people who have tattoos tend to be a little more liberal, spontaneous, risky and adventurous. People who lack tattoos, meanwhile, live a little more of a conservative lifestyle. More straight edge. More safe.
Before I delve any further, it’s obviously mandatory for me to say that I do not possess any tattoos. I also must add that I am by no means against the acquisition of tattoos. If people want a tattoo, then that’s cool. I have no problem with it. And I’m certainly not among the “How dare thee desecrate thy holy skin” crowd.
I suppose the honest reason as to why I have never felt inclined to get a tattoo is because I have yet to believe in anything strong enough to want to get it permanently transcribed on my body. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of sad.
But that is one of the main reasons why people get tattoos. They get the initials of their loved ones. If a close friend dies, perhaps they inscribe their name, or date of birth. If they strongly believe in some philosophy or inspirational phrase, perhaps they get a heart, or a peace-sign, or some Chinese lettering that reiterates such. I have no problem with these type of tattoos. They are tattoos of emotion, of conviction, and they truly mean something.
And then there are people who clearly get tattoos just for the sake of getting tattoos. And to me, that is pretty stupid. They one day decide that they want to get inked up, and then they just pick the most appealing option to them at that time. I think that’s a giant mistake.
Like I said, it’s one thing to get a meaningful, personal tattoo, but it’s another to get a snake or a lion tattooed across your shoulders, or back, or arms. To me, those tattoos have absolutely one purpose — body image. People who get those tattoos do it so they can show them off. They want those tattoos to be the first thing that people see when they look at them on the street, and they want them to think that — because they have the tattoo — they are tough.
And it works. If I see somebody with a giant tattoo across their neck, I sure as hell am not going to start shit with that person.
So meaningful tattoos are cool. Large tattoos of carnivorous animals are foolish. And then there are those who get tiny tattoos in discreet locations, like the small of their back, or their ankle, or their hip.
Alright, so let me say what I think about this. Firstly, there are TATTOOS, and then there are tattoos.
Kat Von D has TATTOOS. Mike Tyson has a TATTOO. a three-centimeter-tall heart on your ankle is a tattoo. You don’t deserve to be grouped in the same category as those who get more revealing tattoos. I’m sure that little heart hurt when the ink pen seared your skin, but it’s not on the same level as somebody who has a full sleeve.
And speaking of Kat Von D — that brings up a whole new topic of conversation. Girls with tattoos.
I’m not talking about the baby heart tattoos, or the small-of-the-back tattoos also known as “tramp stamps,” I mean girls who have extremely noticeable tattoos up and down their arms. These girls scare the shit out of me.
When I see a girl like that, in any setting, I don’t even think of them as somebody who I would even dare trying to hit on. Not because I find them unattractive — but because I know that I am so ridiculously far from what a girl with tattoos is looking for in a guy, that there’s no point in even trying.
Not only is there no point in even flirting with her, but there’s no point of even introducing myself. Heck, there’s no point in even making eye contact. Our lives are so different that there’s really no purpose for each of us to even know that the other exists. It’s just a giant waste of time since it would clearly never work on any level.
Plus, tattoos come with a stigma for any gender. But for girls, it’s slightly less socially acceptable. And they know that going in. Girls are very well aware of the perception they’ll receive upon getting a tattoo, and some still get it. To me, that takes a lot of guts, and it means that the girl is extremely strong-willed and unafraid of being controversial.
And that frightens me.
Girls frighten me in general. So a girl who is rebellious, unyielding and defiant? God help me. Those girls live on another planet than I do, and more power to them. They are much stronger than me, and for that, they deserve somebody who shares those same characteristics.
Again, I would never say that it is out of the realm of possibility for me to one day get a tattoo. I’d bet against it, sure, but who the hell knows what is going to happen in our lives? Maybe one day I will find inspiration.
But what probably will never change in my life, is that I will most likely never befriend a girl with tattoos. Just watching the movie The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was as traumatizing to me as watching Bride of Chucky when I was 6-years-old.
But I did used to apply those animal tattoos that came on the wrapper of the Fruit Stripe gum.
That makes me kind of a badass, right?