It’s always nice to have friends.

There’s nothing more important in life than having friends.

Friends are the people you can rely on. They’re the ones who are always there when you need somebody to talk to, and vise versa, you’ll always be willing to lend an ear when friends need you.

Will friends sometimes annoy and badger you at times? Sure. But that’s what makes them friends. It’s like having a cat that you love. You complain that your cat is always up in your grill, jumping on the dinner table while you’re trying to eat, or leaping onto your laptop and trying to smell your face when you’re typing something important. The typical human response is to tell your cat to “Shoo!”

But what would you prefer — a cat who always wants to be close to you, or a cat who never wants to be close to you? Any rational human would take the later 10 out of 10 times. The more annoying a cat is, the more lovable it is. Plain and simple.

The same goes with friends. They may Gchat you up every day, and blow up your phone when you’re in an important meeting at work, but that’s what makes them your friends. You’d much rather have them blow up your phone at an inopportune time than to never try to contact you at all. And yes, it just occurred to me how inappropriate it is to use the words “blow up” after yesterday’s events.

So friends are great. They may go away for a while when times get rough, but if they’re your real friends, then they’ll come back.

Oh wait, did… you think I was talking about friends, as in, real-life actual friends this whole time? Oh God. Oh dear. There has been a terrible confusion.

I don’t give a shit about my real-life, actual friends, I’m talking about these guys!

Rumors have been running absolutely rampant over the Internet recently about the possibility of a Friends reunion.

Next year, of course, would mark the 10-year-anniversary of when the show went off the air, so naturally, if there ever was to be a reunion — 2014 would make the most sense. Hence the rumors.

But so far, that’s all they’ve been. Rumors.

Today those rumors may have taken a slight notch up, as some entertainment website called Starmedia claimed that NBC not only confirmed a Friends reunion episode, but an an entire new season.

Of course, it’s hard to actually believe a website that you’ve never actually heard of before today, and it’s also hard to take them seriously when, in reality, NBC hasn’t actually confirmed jack shit.

However, the site’s claims did stir some chit-chat among the cyber world, enough so that the Huffington Post actually picked up the story. So that’s something.

It’s funny, last week I was talking about how a publication as popular and powerful as the New York Times has the ability to create truths simply by suggesting them in their articles.

Well, what if people could do that too? After all, the fans brought Arrested Development back from the dead, so why can’t they do the same things with Friends? If rumors continue to swirl, and people continue to be enthralled with the possibility of a reunion, then why couldn’t the network, the producers and the actors all sense the excitement and think, “Well, maybe…”

And come on, what exactly are they all doing that’s keeping them so busy, anyway?

Jennifer Aniston is still doing extremely mediocre romantic comedies. Matthew Perry has a new show that looks like it was created for the sole purpose of being canceled. Matt LeBlanc recently won a Golden Globe, but four out of five people probably couldn’t even name the show that he’s on. Courteney Cox is relying on her latter “Milf” years to stay relevant. Lisa Kudrow has an online show, and who knows what the hell David Schwimmer is up to.

Yes, for it to work, all six would need to agree. But if five of them voice their approval, then would the sixth one really want be known as the one person who prevented millions of fans from getting the reunion they so desperately wanted?

On a side note, it’s amazing to me that Lisa Kudrow is actually the best looking of the three women now. I basically went through puberty just by watching Jennifer Aniston on Friends in the late 90s, and then watched Courteney Cox blossom into a fine-looking woman.

But now they’re all in their mid-to-late 40s, and I honestly think Kudrow has the best natural look of the three. Just look to your left.

Jesus Christ, if my wife looks like that when she’s pushing 50, I’ll be a happy man.

People used to think it was cool to hate on Friends, because it was far and away the most popular sitcom of its generation. However, ten years later, I think all one has to do is examine the current state of today’s laugh-track sitcoms to appreciate just how quality of a show it really was.

As you can tell, I am very hopeful that this reunion will occur. I think it makes perfect sense. It’s exactly 10 years later, and we can jump right into exactly what Monica, Ross, Chandler, Rachael, Joey and Phoebe are up to in their lives. There’s no need for an elongated introduction. Just jump right in.

We don’t need a full season. That would be overkill. Just a one hour-long — maybe two hour-long — special is all we need to satiate our Friends fix.

Plus, it would finally rid us of the bad taste in our mouths that was Joey.

Oh well. Time to go listen to the Rembrandts on my iPod.

“I closed my eyes and I slipped away…”

About 99.9 percent of of the days of our lives are extremely ordinary and unmemorable.

Unfortunately, today was not one of those days.

Whenever something happens like what occurred today in Boston, it just gives you that dreary feeling. It’s a feeling you’ve only experienced a few times in your life — 9/11, Sandy Hook.

You try to pretend that these events don’t faze you, that justice will soon be served, that candlelight vigils will be held to remember the deceased, and that soon enough things will be back to normal and you can get back to your ordinary and unmemorable day-to-day life.

But somewhere in the back of your mind, you know — you know — that a slight bit of your faith in humanity has been detached, and is floating away towards oblivion, never to return again. I’m not saying that everyone in the world feels completely and utterly dejected, because some people do try to mask themselves from feeling sad as a means of protection. It’s how people cope, and that’s fine. However, even if you’re not dejected, you still have that feeling of hopelessness, even if it’s a small one.

And that is a real shitty feeling.

It’s hard to imagine that there are actual human beings who are responsible for this. When you think of the act and the devastation it caused, your mind thinks of some default, stone-faced villain that might appear in the movie Die Hard. It’s like you expect an actor who bears a physical resemblance to what a “bad guy” looks like to be the responsible party. But instead, it’s no actor, it’s not Alan Rickman — it’s an actual human who intended to kill as many people as possible. And that, to me, is inconceivable.

Inconceivable. Unbelievable. Speechless. These are words you hear time and time again when such a tragedy strikes, but the truth of the matter is, it did strike, and we all have to deal with it now. Any by “deal with it” I simply mean that we have to digest the knowledge that things like this happen. It’s the world we live in and stuff like this happens.

Patton Oswalt wrote a great piece on Facebook that best encapsulates any sense of positivism we could feel today, and you can read that here. So if you’re still a little bummed and in desperate need for a pick-me-up, I highly suggest you give that a read. It’ll help.

With today’s 24/7 social media world, tragedies like today’s events are covered in a way like no other. Pieces of information are thrown all over the cyber world, from one end to the other, reaching billions of ears along the way. And this is dangerous. Everyone expects to get the truth instantly, and feeling compelled to be the first to deliver it — media outlets will publicize any scrap of information they get their hands on, whether it has any validity or not.

By this point, everybody should know that within the first hour of any acts of terrorism, you should take everything you hear with a grain of salt. I just can’t help but wonder how differently 9/11 would have been covered had Twitter existed at the time. I seriously just cannot imagine it.

There’s not really much that can be done during times like these. Let the firefighters, the police and the National Guard be the heroes. It’s what they do and we should be grateful. What the rest of us need to do is simple — care.

It’s okay to be frazzled. It’s okay to be shaken. Or upset. Those feelings of emotion is what makes you you. You don’t need to fly to Boston on the next Red Eye to donate your time. You don’t have to contribute hundreds of dollars to the Red Cross Boston Chapter. You don’t even need to post a Facebook status or Tweet #prayforboston to show any of that.

People cared before Facebook. And they’ll care after Facebook.

It’s a lesson that we all learned when we were 4 years old and watched Care Bears as kids. But sometimes the lessons we learned when we were 4 hold the most inherent truth. And if people care, then that means more good is going to happen in this world than bad.

It’s that simple.

Swatting: The new and very illegal trend

Trends are very fun to follow. With the outbreak of social media, it seems like there is a new one each day. All you have to do is log onto Twitter and check the trending topics, scroll down your Facebook News Feed, or see what’s hot on Reddit, and bam, in a matter of seconds — you’re up to date on what’s popular right now.

For the most part, trends and Internet memes are pretty harmless. Doppelganger week. Tebowing. YOLO.

Are they annoying as hell? Yes. But do they actually cause physical harm to anybody? Of course not. They’re all just fun and games over the Internet, and they don’t make anybody’s lives any worse.

Until now.

There’s a new trend that has recently come about, and it is called “swatting.”

What does it involve? Swatting occurs when somebody — using an untraceable phone — fakes a distressing 911 call, and provides the address of a celebrity. The result, of course, are SWAT teams invading the homes of famous people, unaware of who actually lives there.

The victims of this new phenomenon include P. Diddy, Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Ashton Kutcher and Ryan Seacrest, to name a few.

Aww, how funny! You see the joke? By making such a believable 911 call, you’re actually taking valuable police manpower and having them assemble at celebrities’ houses, wasting precious time that could otherwise be spent solving crimes and saving lives, all while wasting thousands of tax dollars on made-up emergencies! That’s hysterical! That’s hilarious! That’s —

The most fucking ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

First of all, calling this a trend is not correct. The only similarity this has to things like Tebowing or planking is that they end with “ing.” In actuality, this new “trend” is actually a crime. It’s illegal in every state in the U.S. to deceive police in such a manner. Calling this a trend would be like saying murder is a trend.

“Hey guys, look, I just killed this dude! Everybody’s doing it!”

I just can’t fathom what is going through the minds of these idiots who dial 911 and shamefully act is if they are in the middle of an emergency. If you watch the video on the link I posted, it plays one of these swatting 911 calls, and the dude who talks to the police tells that them he murdered his wife. That’s disgusting.

Obviously the rationale of the prank is to bring about an extremely large inconvenience upon celebrities, who live in luxurious mansions and are placed on a different level of society than those who are not rich and famous. Therefore, it must give people some kind of thrill to be able to ruin their day by “swatting” them.

Swatting has become such a problem that new legislation is currently being drafted to inflict harsher punishments against those who commit it. The law would require the perpetrators to reimburse the amount of money that the police spent responding to their mock call, which reportedly could cost as much as $10,000.

I have no problem with that. It would probably bankrupt anybody who is caught doing it, but hey, they’d deserve it.

But again, it’s just appalling to me that there are people out there who actually think this is funny. I bet the guy who made the 911 call on Ashton Kutcher actually hung up the phone and yelled, “You just got Punk’d, Ashton! Punk’d!” And then gave his buddy a high-five like he just accomplished something great.

And hey, don’t get me wrong, I understand how some people could be peeved that celebrities live so luxuriously, when a great number of our population is barely making ends meet. But this is not the way to go about it. If you’re unhappy with the system, then maybe send an angry Tweet to Justin Timberlake or Justin Bieber. Call them douchebags. That’s fine. But calling 911 and having SWAT teams deployed to their house does a hell of a lot more harm than good. If you can’t figure that out yourself, it means you’re probably pretty dumb, and will also soon be out $10,000.

Heck, if you need to get your swatting fix, then go slap Justin Bieber in the face with a fly swatter. That would still be identified as swatting, wouldn’t it? Now that is something I can actually get behind, because just imagining somebody approaching Bieber and smacking him in the face with a fly swatter is a hilarious image.

Or just make them watch the movie S.W.A.T starring Samuel L. Jackson and Colin Ferrell.

That would be punishment enough.

So has it reached the point where we all need to be on Instagram now?

There was once a point in our lives when social media was considered a luxury. But times have changed.

Now it’s a necessity.

Not to sound self-centered, but I feel like I’ve always fallen into that age group that social media analysts cater to. In fact, at one point, I was the age group. Facebook was created in 2004, and, since we’ve all seen The Social Network, we know that it took about a year to really take off.

I began college in September of 2005. So I was really the first class of college freshman to enter university life when Facebook was at full steam. I perfectly remember that summer before college, and even the last few months of high school prior to that, when all my classmates were telling me that I needed to create a Facebook account, because it would be a great way to network with my fellow undergrads.

Obviously it was the first I’ve ever heard of Facebook, but I created one and have never looked back.

Facebook has obviously become a lot much more than a university networking tool, and people of all ages now have their own accounts. I’d say it was about 2010 when everyone in the world realized they had an obligation to get onto Facebook.

Twitter has gone the same route. I created my Twitter account sometime around 2009, and have increased my utilization of it ever since. I’m not quite sure if it’s gotten to that point yet where everybody needs to be on it, but it’s close. And at the very least, I think everybody at least understands the enormous significance that Twitter has on our society.

For the most part, though, especially for the younger crowd, Twitter has lost its “luxury” label and become a “necessity.” If you don’t have a Twitter account, you’re going to fall behind in the world.

And those things are fine with me. As I said, I’m Generation Y, I’m hip, I’m up to date. If the world is moving to Facebook and Twitter, then I’m right there with it.

The thing that does trouble me, though, is that Instagram may be following — and soon.

It used be that things took months to become popular. But now, in this era, it takes days. Sometimes hours. And I’ve recently begun to notice the widespread usage of Instagram. I see people take photos, and within seconds, they’ll mention about how they’re posting it on Instagram.

It used to be that when you took a photo, you’d have to wait until you filled up your camera roll, then take it to your local one-hour-photo booth at CVS to have them exposed.

Then we all got digital cameras, and we only had to wait until we got home so we could upload it to our computers.

Then we all got smart phones, and we were able to take the photos, and upload them to Facebook at the appropriate time.

But now Instagram has claimed dominance over photographs, and if you take a photo, you have to get that shit up within a nanosecond after you snap it.

I actually had a conversation today with somebody, and upon me telling them that I lack an Instagram handle, they responded, “You have to make one. It’ll change your life.”

It will change my life.

When somebody tells you that, you know it only means one things — It’s here, and it’s here to stay.

So I’m actually contemplating creating an Instagram account now. And don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t think it’s stupid. I want to make that clear. I’ve actually sort of started to gain a slight appreciation for photography recently, so I don’t think I’d have any problems adjusting to Instagram.

I also like taking pictures, just in general. No I don’t try to nail down the perfect angles or the perfect shadow and light manipulation — I’m just a fan of capturing the moment. If I’m having a good time in a fun place, I like to snap a photo that encapsulates that experience. Then when I’m bored, I can flip through my camera photos and recollect on all the good times I’ve had in previous months. It’s the nostalgic side of me.

And that’s exactly what Instagram is for — capturing the moment. Except instead of enjoying it solely on your own phone, you’re sharing it with the world. But it’s not like Facebook where you’re posting photos and having it blend in among other people’s statuses, check-ins and YouTube recommendations. On Instagram, it’s photos, and only photos.

But I’m not sure how I feel about all these filters and color changes. Because by altering and editing a photo, then you’re taking away all of those things that I just said. You’re violating the magic of the moment that you were experiencing. To me, capturing the moment in a photo isn’t about having the perfect-looking image, but rather — it’s about having a memory implanted in time. When it was happening in real life, were you experiencing it through a filter? I don’t think so.

So that’s really the one thing that is making me reluctant to join Instagram just yet. Seeing all of those manipulated photos would infuriate me.

Who knows, maybe I’m a hypocrite and I’ll grow to love the filters. But that’s how I feel about it right now.

Can you imagine if I could use the equivalent of a filter on my blog? I’d type out what I have to say, and then use a “filter” to completely change and edit my words to make it sound more pleasing to others?

What would you guys prefer? Me, or some better, altered version of me?

Actually, don’t answer that question.

It’s not your life that’s becoming good — it’s just the weather

As we age, we become more confident in life.

Of all the things that deteriorate in our later years — the ability to stay up late at night, to drink several beers and avoid a hangover, to play a game of football without pulling a hamstring, among others — confidence is something that usually goes in the opposite direction.

The reason for that is simple. The more you do, the more confident you become. As we age, we do more. That’s it. Experience is the recipe to life.

That being said, we still experience our ups and downs. Even with age, we experience new challenges, and must start from from the bottom of the ladder to figure out how to overcome them.

Those challenges can be anything, obviously, but among those challenges is obtaining a new job. There are very few things in life more stressful than starting a new job, and knowing that it’s really going to take you months to get into the groove of things. Nobody likes being a liability, but, naturally, we all are exactly that when we start a new job.

On the flip side, there’s no more satisfying feeling than the day you wake up and say, “Holy shit, I got this. I’m going to be fine. Everything’s cool.”

And that can apply to all aspects of life, and not just a new job. It’s just a great feeling when you know that you are in control, and that everything is going to be okay going forward.

I recently had such a feeling. I received a promotion last October, and by virtue of said promotion — received a heck of a lot more responsibility. It was nerve wracking. It was stressful. I spent weeks doubting myself over whether I made the right decision. In other words, my confidence level was low.

But lately, over the last few weeks, it occurred to me that I think I finally got the handle of things. I like what I’m doing. I enjoy it, and that’s great.

So when that feeling of confidence consumed me, I originally thought it was because of growth, because of maturity and because of my abilities. But then a short while later, another thought occurred to me — it has absolutely nothing to do with those things. It’s just that the weather is getting really nice.

Everyone take a step back and think for a second. Since, say, the end of March, have you suddenly found yourself having an extra zest for life? Is there an increased pep to your step? Are you a little bit happier than you were a few months ago?

This is what we like to call seasonal affective disorder. For the most part, everybody’s life is probably exactly the same as it was in January or February. Not much has really changed. Except the weather. You’re doing the exact same things you were doing then, but instead of doing it on 35-degree, blustery and snowy days, you’re doing it in gorgeous 70-degree weather. In other words, if this was a science project, then your life would be the control, and the weather would be the variable.

People tend to be much happier when they are able to wear a t-shirt and shorts, and sit outside and bask in the sun. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. Everyone’s able to do the things that they enjoy doing under sunny skies. You could go to the beach, you could go for a brisk afternoon roadside jog, you could do happy hour with friends outdoors at 5 p.m. and you could stare at girls lying in bikinis outside your window. It’s awesome.

Especially those first few days of warmth — like today. When you step outside for the first day all year where the weather is above 70-degrees, you can finally take a deep breath, soak it in and say, “Now it’s summertime.” Instantly, all your summer plans you made over the winter seem a lot closer than they did the day before.

Last week, when it was 45-degrees out, that late-July trip you have planned felt like it was “Still three months away…”

Now, in 70-degree weather, that late-July trip you have planned is “Only three months away!!!”

And I’m certainly not saying that any of our lives our bad. Shit, just the fact that we are alive is a wonderful thing that we should never take granted. But what I am saying is that warm weather just gives us a little reminder about all those things in life that we should be happy about.

Unfortunately, in six months from now, the mid-October chill will once again be upon is, and we’ll start hating everything again and begin halfheartedly telling people how excited we are for Halloween. (Newsflash: nobody should ever be excited for Halloween.)

But that’s six months away, and there’s no need to think about that. For now, we simply get to enjoy the beautiful weather, and pretend that our lives are much, much better than they really are.

Cheers to that.

Are you a Hathahater?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Sunday was my birthday, and yeah, yeah, yeah, it was awesome.

I mentioned at the end of my most recent blog entry how I don’t like talking too much about my own personal life. Sure, everything I blog about is directly influenced by my own life experiences, mostly personal, but I turn them into greater societal generalizations. After all, this is the Weinblog, not a freaking Live Journal.

But I will say that it is always extremely humbling when you invite a lot of people out for a birthday party, and most of them actually show up. If you’re not famous, which most people aren’t, then you don’t really have that many humbling moments in life. I wi’ll never win a major award during some internationally watched ceremony, nor will I ever get the game-winning hit in the bottom of the ninth in the World Series. I’ll never have a moment like that where I can take breath, take it all in, and say, “Wow.”

So when you’re not famous, you have to appreciate little moments, and think of them on a relative scale. So when you’re out with some 30 friends, and every single one of them is there for you, it truly is a wonderful, humbling experience that makes you think that you’re obviously doing something right in life if all these people truly want to celebrate with you.

Alright, now let’s shake the femininity of this entry and move onto better things.

Yesterday I came across a rather fascinating article written by the New York Times.

The article is titled “Do We Really Hate Anne Hathaway?” and it is a 22-paragraph, 1,121-word article devoted towards the culture phenomena that is “Hathahating,” which is a sudden worldwide hatred of Anne Hathaway by the general public.

I find this amusing for several reasons. Firstly, it’s the New York Times that wrote it, and not TMZ or the New York Post. I’m not saying that to disparage New York Times, I’m just pointing out the humor that such a prestigious publication found this topic pertinent enough to conduct an entire exposé about it.

Secondly, until I read this article, I had never heard the term Hathahating. Sometimes, by claiming a phrase is popular, the media will actually be the ones popularizing it. I’m not narcissistic enough to think that I’m the authority of all things social media, but I think I’m savvy enough to know that if there is a new trend out there, I’d know if it.

But as I was saying, a publication as popular and credible as the New York Times has the ability to say that something is popular, and by doing so, making it popular. Indeed, I now am aware of Hathahating because of this article, and I was led to believe that I should have known about it before this. It’s a smart and effective mechanism that few publications can execute.

But anyway, I also find this article intriguing because of the topic. They actually sought the opinion of university psychologists to analyze Anne Hathaway’s public perception.

And I don’t think there’s any doubt that Anne Hathaway has become a negative target recently. It really hit its peak during film awards season towards the end of 2012, when she was winning award after award for her role as Fantine in Les Misérables, and thus, was put in front of a podium again and again for us to listen to. And it just seems like she tries too hard. Every word she says feels overly contrived, too dramatic, like she’s still acting. Her buoyant nature and her perkiness bugs people.

I used to adore Anne Hathaway. If you plug her name into the search bar in the top right, you’ll find dozens of posts where I discuss her in an extremely positive light. For one, I have long been extremely attracted to her.

Don’t ask me why, but I have a strong physical attraction to celebrities who aren’t “obvious hot.” Anne Hathaway doesn’t have the stereotypical sex appeal that a Jessica Alba or a Megan Fox might have, but in her own way, she’s extremely alluring, and I like that. hathaway catwomanAnd to top it off, I realized how talented she was after I saw her in the 2008 film Rachel Getting Married. So I knew that she was hot and talented way before anyone else. Call me a hipster.

But then she was overly perky as the Oscars host in 2011, and then wore skin-tight leather in The Dark Knight Rises and caught the attention of every warm-blooded male across the world. Then she cut her hair, won an Oscar, gave several annoying speeches, and now everyone hates this version of Anne Hathaway.

I’m not saying that I’m among them, and I am most certainly not a Hathahater, but my affection has definitely waned a tiny bit. But if I am anything, I am loyal. In fact, I recently had a similar post about Taylor Swift’s perceived public image, and stood by her.

Like Taylor, Anne has never been directly involved in any scandal, has never caused controversy, and by all accounts is an extremely humble and generous girl. She even occupied Wall Street a couple of years ago.

I agree with the New York Times article that Hathahating is just socially popular, mob-mentality trend where people like to jump on the bandwagon. It became trendy to hate her. Give it six months, and people will stop talking about her negatively. Not because she’ll have become irrelevant — she’s not going anywhere — but because the novelty of the trend will inevitably pass, like all trends do.

And just to cap off this issue, I was extremely amused by the line in the article that says that Hathaway’s publicist declined to comment. Can you just imagine that phone call? “Hey, this is the New York Times calling. I’m writing an article about how much the world hates your client. Care to comment?”

But hey, at least they let her know.

Before I go, I want to point out that last night was the Academy of Country Music Awards. I’ve mentioned before how country music is certainly nowhere near my go-to genre by any stretch of the imagination, but, I love country music awards shows.

You will never see a more tight-knit, conjoined community in any genre of music than country. It really seems like everybody gets along with each other. Can you imagine such a dichotomy in the hip-hop scene, with all these rappers hugging each other and poking fun at one another on stage? Can you picture 50 Cent and Lil’ Wayne bro-hugging in the center of the stage during a national ceremony?

And that’s why I like country shows. It’s refreshing. I also learned that Kacey Musgraves exists, and my life is a little better now for it. Though I have to listen to her a little more to see if I’ll develop a Taylor Swift-like ardor for her.

Also, speaking of Taylor Swift, she was part of an absolutely mesmerizing performance during the show. Tim McGraw sang his new single, “Highway Don’t Care,” which features Taylor Swift on background vocals and Keith Urban on guitar, and holy hell, the three of them just tore up the house.

I don’t know too much about Keith Urban, but seeing him absolutely manhandle the guitar the way he did last night absolutely won him my respect. Here’s a clip of the performance, which I advise you all to watch.

That video will probably be taken down for copyright purposes within a few hours, so watch it now.

How can anyone hate Taylor Swift? Seriously. Actually, between my steadfast defense of Taylor Swift and Anne Hathaway, I think I’m subconsciously trying to misdirect all of the Hathahaters and Taylor haters towards me, effectively sacrificing my public image to save theirs.

I’m just that nice of a guy.

The number 26

On Sunday I turn 26 years old.

I’m having a party with my friends on Saturday night, and I expect it to look something like this:

Rave lights

I wish.

Actually, it will probably look something more like this:

I think I’ve said before how birthdays are probably some of the most anticlimactic events known to mankind. And that is not to say that most birthdays are bad, in fact, I remember my birthday last year being a giant success.

But what I mean is that it is an extremely rare event where we actually throw our own parties. In fact I can say that is an annual event, since, well, we only have one birthday per year.

Everyone’s primary thought when they’re throwing their own party is, “Please God, don’t let this be terrible.” Nobody wants to be the one who has six people show up to their party. That’s embarrassing and pitiful.

That being said, as much as everyone imagines the worst-case scenario, they also imagine the best-case scenario. In their head, they envision every single person they invited showing up, everyone laughing and drinking and having fun all night, and the evening concluding with the attendees lifting you up and down on a chair like you’re at a Bar Miztvah. It’s the American dream.

Inevitably, those best-case expectations are never going to happen. It’s impossible. You can still have a great party, but it will never happen that one special way you see it in your head. And thus, that is what makes it anticlimactic. 

I personally enjoy the anticipation that exists leading up to birthdays. Not only does that possibility of the best-case birthday still exist, but, because of Facebook, you have an entire birthday event page to track and play around with for weeks leading up to it.

Creating a Facebook birthday event is probably the best part of your birthday. You get to handpick your own location, decipher your own guest list, make some funny jokes, create a humorous guest picture, and then you sit back and watch who your real friends are.

Another inevitability is that there are going to be those people who never RSVP, don’t contact you in any way, shape or form, and the majority of whom fail to make it. It happens. You can’t take it personally. It’s obviously an indication that these people aren’t your “best friends,” but at the very least it ensures that they will wish you a happy birthday on your Facebook wall.

But anyway, who cares about all of that. It’s political Facebook bullshit.

Let me talk about the age 26. I really can’t think of a less significant age to turn than 26. It honestly feels and sounds no different from 25. You’re still right in the mid-20s, and telling people that you are 26 doesn’t really feel old. Turning 27 will be a whole different story, but I’ve got a whole year to worry about that.

No legal ramifications come with 26 either. Although I’ve heard that apparently at the age of 26 you are able to rent a car for cheaper. WOO-HOO! PARTY IN THE RENTAL CAR BITCHES.

The one thing that does come with a birthday though, is that you can tick another year off your life expectancy. I don’t mean to say that in a morbid way. What I mean is that most people have an internal — maybe even a subconscious — checklist of where they want to be at certain ages. There also comes a time in your life, where, if you’re not on the verge of becoming successful, then you probably never will. The age of 26 probably isn’t there yet, but it’s not exactly extremely far away.

One way to judge how old you are is to compare yourself to superstar athletes. For example, if I was a Major League baseball player who just turned 26, I would be just entering the top-athletic prime peak of my career. So that’s good.

And yet, if I was an NFL running back, I’d probably be over-the-hill already at age 26. So that’s bad.

And if I was a professional curler, I’d probably have to take a step back and ask myself what the fuck am I doing with my life that I decided to become a professional curler, no matter what age I am.

However, far and away the biggest piece of significance that will come with my changing age is that I have to input a different number into the treadmill when I do cardio at the gym. Now that is going to feel weird. I honestly can’t think of any other reason why I’d feel differently between now and next week, other than that. (SHAMELESS GYM PLUG.)

By the way, I’m usually not one to talk about myself, but since I blog year-round, I didn’t want to confuse my readers into thinking that I don’t have a birthday. Because I know how concernedyou’d all become. And since this will likely be my last entry prior to the big day, I felt obligated to discuss it.

And now I’m just ending this awkwardly.

So I’ll just wish myself a happy birthday, and, stop typing… right now. Now. Now. One more. Now.

Oh and rest in peace, Roger Ebert. May you be forever looking down upon us, eternally giving two thumbs up in approval.