Parting your hair is cool again

While New Yorkers and east coasters alike enjoyed arguably the most beautiful day of the year so far, the jolly folk in the central time zone, namely in Moore, Oklahoma, had a much rougher go of it.

Mainly because their city got destroyed by a tornado.

The two-mile wide tornado, which has killed at least two dozen people, left a fairly unprecedented wake of destruction. Heck, it was so bad that NBC sent all of their top guns to Oklahoma to film a special news report on the story, and are airing it right now instead of The Voice, which is one of its top shows. Not that I would know that for any particular reason. A friend told me.

The tornado’s wind gusts reached speeds as high as 190 miles per hour, and injured hundreds. Yesterday, news outlets were reporting that 51 people had died, but that number appears to be inaccurate. The count is now at 24. Nine of them are children.

This photo is an aerial view of what used to be en elementary school. If you were to visit Moore for the first time today, and stumble upon that wreckage, you would not have the slightest clue as to what that building used to be. It was so badly damaged that its prior use is absolutely unrecognizable.

There’s really not much more to add about this. We can just continue to watch the news and see what statistics are spat out as us.

So I am going to completely diverge from this topic and talk about something that could not be more different. I don’t think I could find one single connection if I tried.

Something that one tends to notice is how fashion trends are defined by celebrities. In my eyes, it was professional basketball players who popularized the thick-rimmed, black hipster glasses. It was Lady GaGa who inspired girls to wear enormous sunglasses a few years ago that practically covered their entire face.

But it also applies to other features aside from eye apparel — like hair.

Celebrities are constantly under the microscope, and thus, when they make drastic changes in style, people tend to notice. Well, I couldn’t help but notice one hairstyle that seems to be becoming a trend among male pop icons.

The part.

Parting your hair used to be something that guys would only do in elementary school. Like many kids, I rocked the mushroom cut in my youth. My mother would tidy me up in the morning by attacking that bushel of hair with a comb, creating a nicely sized part right smack dab in the middle. I was a very cute kid.

But then I grew out of it. Although I should say that I’m not really one to spend too much time on my hairstyle. Never have. I do style my hair a little bit, but I’m not the type of person who is going to spontaneously alter his haircut just to try something out. It takes me years to change my style.

The reason for that is because I don’t want to risk some barber completely screwing up my hair. I don’t want to go into a shop one day and experiment. Heck, my barber screws up my haircut even when I get the same one over and over again.

So I’m not going to mess around. It’d be nice if I was wealthy enough to have my own personal stylist who I can just go up to and say, “Yeah, you’re a professional, so… make me look beyond sexy. Thanks,” and then I can trust them to do it. That would be awesome.

But I pay $14 to have middle easterners give me my monthly haircut. Basically, the Zohan cuts my hair. It’s not exactly the same guys who act as the stylist for Johnny Depp. So that’s why celebrities have that luxury to experiment. I don’t.

That all being said, it’s only a matter of time until the part takes over.

Here are a few examples.

I think Justin Timberlake is the true pioneer of this movement. Or at least he is the first person who I noticed to be rocking this do.

This isn’t just a casual part though. This is some serious, grow-out-your-hair-bust-out-the-comb-and-brush-violently-for-about-15-minutes type part. There’s no chance in hell any of these guys get out of bed each morning looking anything remotely like this.

I’m not going to lie — right before I step in the shower, have I taken some gel, a comb, and tried to see if I could pull off a hairstyle that resembles this, since I know I could just rinse it out moments later without anyone seeing? Maybe I shouldn’t answer that.

A lot of times when I scrutinize a new style it’s because I’m against it. I’m not too sure I hate this, to be honest. There are much worse things in this world than that of a good, old-fashioned weave of the hair.

But it’s not fair, again, because average people like me don’t have the resources or the time to mess around. If Justin Timberlake accidentally received a bad haircut one day, he probably can afford some type of magical device that could instantly regrow his hair so that he could do it all over again. Like a human chia pet.

I predict that as time elapses, we will see more male celebrities adopting this hairstyle. And a lot sooner than you think.

Unfortunately, for me, the only way I would be able to style my hair so neatly is if I actually walked into one of the expensive salons in the mall, which are predominantly occupied by women and gay men. Not that anything is wrong with that. I just can’t afford it. In fact, I got my hair cut once in college by an obviously gay man. And it was probably the best haircut I’ve ever received.

So the only way I could maybe get my hair to flail so neatly in one direction like that is if I have 14 hair blowers all pointing at once at my scalp. Or maybe some 190-mile-per-hour tornado winds would do the trick.

Hey, I found a connection!

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