This music video, called “Chinese Food” by a young girl named Alison Gold, is about to go viral. So I figured I might as well beat it to the punch.
I stumbled upon it yesterday, and within moments, I assumed it was another concoction by Patrice Wilson, a Nigerian songwriter who founded the company ARK Music Factory in 2011. Or he’s better known as the guy who made the Rebecca Black “Friday” music video and song.
He followed it up about a year later with another classic, “It’s Thanksgiving” by Nicole Westbrook, and now, he’s back at it.
This time, he explores a new topic: ethnic food.
By now, we should all have picked up on his schtick. He writes intentionally dense, moronic lyrics with extremely cheesy music videos and preys on rich parents who will dish thousands of dollars to turn their teenage daughter into an Internet star. I’m guessing he even seeks out girls who have poor voices just to accentuate the song’s overall shittiness.
The girls don’t care. They’re 13-years-old and they’re all over YouTube. Patrice Wilson doesn’t care. He’s raking in thousands of dollars.
But we care. And thus, we are being trolled. By posting it on Facebook, by emailing it to our friends, by writing malicious comments on YouTube, and yes, by blogging about it (sorry!) we are doing exactly what he wants. We are the bait.
And that’s why, after “Friday” and “It’s Thanksgiving,” when people were sort of starting to figure that out a little, he had to push the envelope a little — and become racist.
It is so blatantly obvious that he is exaggerating every Asian stereotype in this video, that it’s actually painful. And that he actually was able to recruit Asian actors to be in it who were seemingly oblivious to this, well that just makes it even more hilarious.
To complete the ultimate trolljob, there are Chinese subtitles across the bottom of the screen that I am pretty sure are just gibberish, which then jumps into another language which I also don’t think is real.
For those of you who are unaware what trolling means, well, firstly it means you need to use the Internet more. But it means that people are doing things for the sole purpose of annoying other people. Because it creates attention, and that’s all that they are after. Well, this video was posted on Oct. 14 — which was yesterday — and it already has more than 2.5 million views. Attention received.
And of course, Patrice Wilson appears at the 2:14 mark, sticking his head out of a Panda Bear costume with a shit eating grin on his face that might as well translate to “Fuck y’all haters. I got paid, bitches!”
But, you know what? Believe it or not, all would be forgiven if the song was halfway decent. Songs with imbecilic lyrics become famous all the time. Ke$ha has made a living off that. But this song sucks. The beat could not be more generic, the vocals are nauseating and it makes Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball” sound like the second coming of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.”
Most of all, it gives Chinese food a bad name. If I’m the owner of a Chinese restaurant, I am pissed right now. Because being associated with this video is like being associated with Al Qaeda.
Or perhaps, Patrice Wilson isn’t in it for the money, and he’s just brainwashing us all.
Maybe, just maybe, his real motivation in life is for us to celebrate Thanksgiving on a Friday while eating Chinese food.