How I learned to stop worrying and love the Golden Globes

Watching the Golden Globes as an adult is like going to the zoo as a child.

We grow up learning about all different types of animals, seeing them in books and movies, but never up close. And when we go to the zoo, and see the lions, tigers, penguins, apes and cobras directly in front of us, in the same place — it’s a spectacle to behold. In a way, it’s overwhelming. Before your arrival, you hadn’t seen any of these animals, and suddenly, you’ve seen them all.

Golden Globes 2014The Golden Globes doesn’t assemble different members of the animal kingdom, nor do they lock any one in cages, but in a sense, it’s equally as overwhelming. These movie and television stars, who we only see on the big screen or on our computers, are suddenly a stone’s throw away from one another.

A wide-angle shot of the room is like looking at a page from Where’s Waldo? “Oh my God, it’s Tom Hanks. Matt Damon. Julia Roberts. Meryl Streep. Martin Scorsese. Bono. Jennifer Lawrence.” The list goes on.

I’ve said it before, but there’s just something so fascinating about seeing all of these celebrities in one room. And we may ask ourselves, why do we hold these people in such high esteem? They’re not scientists. Or doctors. They’re not saving lives.

However, I stopped asking myself that question a long time ago. Since the onset of film, and Hollywood, our world has been infatuated with movie stars. In fact, one can argue that the fascination was even greater 50, 60 years ago, before there was the Tonight Show, Entertainment Tonight or People Magazine. The Brad Pitts, George Clooneys and Leonardo DiCaprios of today have nothing on the Cary Grants, James Cagneys and Paul Newmans of yesteryear.

It’s just the way we it is. We crave celebrities. We need need them in our lives.

And that’s why we love the Golden Globes. Not only do we get the celebrities, but we see them mingle with one another, acting regularly, even being the butt of jokes throughout the evening.

That being said — Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They killed it. Killed it. And by doing so, proved that they were not a one-hit Bono GGwonder. Their 2013 monologue was brilliant, and I think this year’s was even better. Two jokes in particular made me laugh out loud: at about two minutes and ten seconds in, when Poehler likened Matt Damon to a “garbage person” (because he was being honored for his role in a TV movie, and not a theatrical film), and while that was funny, it had nothing on the joke of the night, when, at five minutes in, Tina Fey uttered these words:

Gravity is nominated for Best Film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.

The laughter in the room lasted 17 seconds following that joke, and 24 hours later, I’m still laughing about it now.

It just goes to show that those two women have some type of connection where, combined, they are much, much funnier than the average person.

After that, the night went rather smoothly, with no real major surprises. There was an extremely awkward acceptance speech Margot Robbieby a woman named Jacqueline Bisset, an honoring of Woody Allen despite the fact that Woody Allen was not there, and an Internet meme inspired by Jennifer Lawrence’s dress.

Leonardo DiCaprio won the award for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy for his role in The Wolf of Wall Street, and amazingly, it was only the second major award of his career. With all the glitz and glamour surrounding his name, it’s almost startling to remember that his only other Golden Globe victory came in 2005 for his performance in The Aviator, and that he’s yet to win an Oscar. And with such a strong field this year to compete with, I think it will probably remain that way.

But speaking of The Wolf of Wall Street, normally I devote a section of my post-Golden Globes blog to point out the finest looking ladies of the evening, but this year I have one name, and one name only.

Margot Robbie.

This 23-year-old Aussie came out of nowhere this year, appearing in the Scorsese film as well as the romantic comedy About Time, and I have no problem calling her a goddess. She’s a vision. A ray of light. And made every other woman last night look like an ogre.

More importantly, she shows that something good has come out of Australia besides the koala bear.

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