Like saying bomb on an airplane, the word timber should never be used out of context

What’s #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 right now? No, you don’t have to check. I’ll tell you. It’s “Timber” by Pitbull and featuring Ke$ha, a spot it’s held for three weeks.

Also known as, the song that comes on your radio that you change immediately, then lower the volume and change it right back. And if there’s somebody else in the car with you, you’ll throw in a “Eh, there’s nothing else on” when you do it.

The song is popular because of it’s catchy beat. Trust me, it has nothing to do with its lyrical prose, which goes something like this:

I have ’em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off/ Twerkin in their bras and thongs (timber) /Face down, booty up (timber) / That’s the way we like to what (timber)

Pitbull3

But in the past 10 to 15 years, I think people realized, with club songs at least, that no one really cares what the song is actually saying. Chris Rock had a very funny bit about exactly this several years ago. As long as a song has the beat and a catchy chorus, you could basically be telling people to stick a fork in an electrical socket and it wouldn’t make any difference.

(Don’t do that.)

But everyone knows the chorus, obviously. “It’s going down, I’m yelling timber!”

We already know that the word timber has just one purpose, and honestly, we only know that from what we see on television. I can’t speak for everyone, but when I think of the word, I see a hairy lumberjack standing in the middle of a forest, completely alone, chopping down a giant tree with an axe while shouting “timber!” to nobody in particular.

So by using this word in a song, Pitbull and Ke$ha, you’re taking it from the desolate, rugged depths of the wilderness, and bringing it to the club.

2013 American Music Awards - ShowThat’s just wrong. Lumberjacks have very few things in life. Flannel shirts — which we stole from them — beards, sharp weaponry and the word “timber.” And now they don’t even have that anymore.

You’ve opened a new tab since you started reading this blog and put on the song, didn’t you? God damn it.

In all honesty though, I really have no qualms with the song itself. I just find it kind of funny. For starters, Pitbull and Ke$ha is a very interesting collaboration.

I know I posted the lyrics above, but before that, has anybody ever understood a word that Pitbull has ever said before? He’s had like three big hits in the past couple of years, and I couldn’t tell you one line in any of them besides the chorus. For all we know, he may be speaking gibberish.

Ke$ha, meanwhile, may have found her niche. While everyone knows she doesn’t have the greatest voice, it is actually tolerable in small doses. And juxtaposed with a rapper like Pitbull (or Flo Rida in “Right Round”), it makes her voice sound better than it really is. So having her sing the chorus in a club song is perfect.

Also, I couldn’t help but notice that Ke$ha looks good now. Like, really good, and easily the best I’ve ever seen her. But after doing minimal research, I learned that she’s been battling a severe eating disorder recently, so badly that she’s had to check into rehab. So I guess that says something my personal taste. Girls, just stop eating if you want to look good.

(Don’t do that.)

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