How can I make myself un-know that this year’s Bachelor’s name is Juan Pablo?

There are some guys who live in fear of admitting certain things because they worry it will diminish their masculinity. For example, some will adamantly refuse to admit that they ever watched the movie Titanic, because they think doing so is synonymous with handing in their man card.

That just bothers me. Yes, if you’ve seen Titanic 47 times, know all the lines, and cry every time Rose says to Jack that she’ll “Never let go,” then maybe you do need to mix in a Sylvester Stallone flick every now and then to round things out.

But otherwise, who cares? Not only have I seen Titanic, but I’ve seen more “chick flicks” than most people see in their lifetime. I Juan Pabloalso have two Hanson songs on my iTunes. If you live in fear that liking a movie or a song can take away from your manhood, then you have a lot more issues to worry about than that.

That said, I have never seen a single episode of The Bachelor, never plan to see a single episode of The Bachelor, nor could I tell you what channel it’s on, and I probably have never spent more than 12 seconds of my life even thinking about it.

And again, that has nothing to do with protecting my image — any thought of that went by the wayside about 450 blogs ago — but because the whole concept is just so unappealing to me. Why do I care about some random guy being hounded by 30 desperate women in a contrived, manufactured environment, resulting in a relationship that likely will not last longer than a few months.

I dislike the show because it makes a mockery of male-female interaction. Part of me also thinks my old-fashioned romantic side is what makes me not like the show. I think that the Bachelor not only represents everything that’s wrong with today’s television entertainment, but also everything that is wrong with today’s perception of matchmaking.

I’m starting to come around a little bit on online dating. I think that it contains enough elements of real life dating that it won’t forever change people’s reality of meeting others. But I just really, really hope that people don’t watch shows like The Bachelor with the hope that this is how they want to meet their dream counterpart.

I’ve watched shows similar to The Bachelor before solely for the entertainment value. I recall watching that show several years back where a network hired a paid actor to act as “the bachelor,” while being intentionally repulsive to see if the woman could actually Jack and Roseconvince her family that she was marrying him.

I also tried watching other spin-off versions of reality dating that had a certain twist to it, like Joe Millionaire during its one-season run in 2003, and that stupid one hosted by Monica Lewinsky, also in 2003, called Mr. Personality, where the bachelors wore hidden in masks the whole show so that the female contestants couldn’t make their decision based on looks. God, that was stupid.

But The Bachelor has no twist. It’s just one moron, surrounded by a few dozen snobby princesses, all acting like 12-year-olds on a playground. And for some reason, I know that this year’s bachelor is Juan Pablo, a former professional soccer player, and the first minority bachelor. Juan Pablo is a name that stands out, so after hearing it about a dozen times, I had to ask somebody who the hell it was. You can only imagine my disappointment when the response forced me to learn my first piece of information ever regarding The Bachelor.

How this show has lasted 18 seasons is beyond me.

Although maybe I’m just bitter because I’ve never had 30+ women gawk over me in my life, period, let alone in one room.

That’s it. I’m adding a Spanish sounding middle name to my persona.

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