North Korea is about to have a gigantic “Who Wore it Best?” competition

Tabloid magazines often like to pair up two celebrities who donned similar outfits or hairstyles during a recent time period, and display them side-by-side asking “Who wore it best?”

The juxtaposition of two similarly looking people serves two purposes: for people to actually answer the question, but also, it’s Kim Jong Unalways amusing to see two people coincidentally happening to wear something so alike.

It’s why all these magazines do it. At least that’s what I’m told.

Now I don’t know if North Korea has its own version of People, or Us Weekly, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say they don’t. If they did, however, they would not have too difficult of a time right now finding people who “wore it best.”

Why is that? Because everybody is going to look exactly the same.

The single-party state recently declared that all men must wear their hair exactly like their Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un.

If there were people out there who didn’t fully understand the state of how things are in North Korea, this should probably give you a pretty decent idea. What’s more controlling than not even allowing people to choose their own hairstyles?

And it’s not like they told people that they couldn’t have hair, which would be one thing, but they said they must style it in a very specific way.

Which brings us to the next point. If you look at Kim Jong-un’s hair, you’d see it requires heavy duty maintenance. It’s not exactly your normal, everyday haircut. If it were me, I wouldn’t even know how to go about slicking my hair straight backwards like that. So tens of thousands of North Being John MalkovichKoreans are going to have to either purchase an exorbitant amount of hair gel, or seek a hairstylist who now has to figure out how to make a living doing one haircut.

That’s the last part in all of this. That hairstyle sucks. It’s not like North Korea told everyone to look like Justin Timberlake. And before this, I don’t think many people walked into the nearest salon and said, “Give me the Kim-Jong-un.”

North Korea is essentially turning into a real life Being John Malkovich.

I know it’s just one radical country, but this is the exact type of thing that mid-20th century science fiction novels warned us about. George Orwell saw this coming when he wrote 1984. Government enforced uniformity.

Also, Dennis Rodman will never stand out more the next time he visits North Korea. And that’s saying something.

But you know what? I feel so much empathy for North Koreans after this that I am going to my local barbershop tomorrow and asking for the Kim Jong-un.

Ladies, look out this weekend. I’m coming in hot!

 

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