There may be no more polarizing sport in the world than golf.
There’s fanatics who can’t enough of it, both by watching and playing. There’s people who follow it casually and also will try it themselves from time to time. And then there’s those who just flat out don’t get it.
It’s an easy sport to hate. Because, on the surface, it’s essentially a bunch of white guys in preppy clothes, making millions of dollars to smack a ball around. There’s never any need for golfers to move at a pace that requires more than a brisk walk, as any distance could be traveled to by cart. It’s an ignorant point of view, obviously, but one that exists.
Heck, even a “golf clap” is a boring type of clap.
Those who have tried to play golf — and I have several times — have a much better understanding of how difficult of a sport it is to play. Sometimes “difficult” doesn’t do the sport justice — it’s impossible. I’ve yet to become interested enough to make an effort to improve my game, but when I do play, I’m just happy when I compile a score that actually has a name to it.
A triple bogey, or three over par, is the worst score you can get that has a name. Any worse, and you might as well pick up your ball and move onto the next hole. If I ever shoot a triple bogey, that’s basically my equivalent to a hole in one.
But the thing about golf is that it’s such an individualized sport that you really get to know the golfers as you watch them. You see how they behave after each shot, after each success and failure, how they interact with their significant others and how they handle themselves during interviews.
Bubba Watson became a huge fan favorite following his 2012 Masters Win. He’s an extremely likable, well-spoken guy who wears his emotion on his sleeve and has an adorable family. So people were pulling for him again this year when he ultimately won his second green jacket on Sunday.
The Masters is really the only PGA tournament that draws all of the casual fans in. And even so, most don’t watch until the fourth and final day — “Masters Sunday” — when the winner is crowned.
Otherwise, it’s just extremely dull. Basically, you’re watching several hours of a bunch of guys do the same exact thing over and over. I would love nothing more than for just one scene in Happy Gilmore to happen in real life. Whether it’s a fight between a golfer and a game show host, a player jumping into a lake and wrestling his golf ball from an alligator, or a tournament-winning shot by deflecting it off of a TV tower.
But in real life, the most exciting thing that happens in golf is when it starts drizzling. And then they cancel it.
What does help serve as a distraction is when a golfer has a hot girlfriend. That’s another feature of the individuality that exists in golf. Who these guys are dating is another source of human interest. We already know about Paulina Gretzky, but let’s talk about the arm candy of Jordan Spieth.
Spieth, a 20-year-old who amazingly finished 3rd in this weekend’s Masters, has a girlfriend named Annie Verret. You want to know who she is.
*Stands up and claps in emphatic approval*
*Realizes he will never have a girlfriend as good looking as Jordan Spieth does*
*Sits down and cries*
Although, Ms. Verret probably didn’t get the recognition she deserved because more people were probably too consumed with anticipation for Game of Thrones or the MTV Movie Awards, where Josh Hutcherson beat out Leonardo DiCaprio, Matthew McConaughey, Chietel Ejiofor and Bradley Cooper for Best Male Performance, which instantly defeats any credibility the MTV Movie Awards may have had, which is probably none to begin with.
Or, you know, people might have embraced the gorgeous weather yesterday and actually … went outside. Or something.
And while you guys did that, I stayed at home in my pajamas watching a grown man named Bubba put a ball in a hole.
… I think I’m going to go for a walk.