Airplanes were in the news a lot more than they should have been this week

There’s no other place in the world where people wish for nothing but complete normalcy than in an airplane.

In other contexts, sure, it doesn’t hurt to have an unexpected turn of events shake up the monotony of your day. But no one ever wants to leave an airplane being able to say, “Dude, you have to hear about this crazy story that happened on my flight…”

That obviously doesn’t include flights that go missing. Because then you don’t even have the opportunity to share any story with anybody. So that’s the exception.

It’s been more than a month now, and we haven’t gotten any closer to finding Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. Probably because it’s Flight attendantall the way at the bottom of the freaking ocean, and nobody wants to go down there.

But we’re all tired of that story already. Let’s continue with other airplane-related news.

Personally, I want the “craziest” thing on my flights to be for them to run out of orange juice. Because that means the rest of the flight probably went smoothly.

What I don’t want to hear associated with my airlines, is them tweeting lewd, pornographic photos (link Not Safe For Work), them receiving terrorist threats from teenage girls via social media, or a flight attendant trying way too hard to be funny.

In link one, you had a major gaffe by US Airways, which received an obscene tweet that included a photo of a model airplane lodged inside of a woman’s … parts … and the airlines’ Twitter account inexplicably resending the image to two other people my mistake, thus tweeting the picture out to its 429,000 followers.

The second link revolves around a stupid Dutch girl who sent a tweet to American Airlines, impersonating a terrorist. The airlines responded by informing the girl that they take these threats seriously, and reported her to the FBI, and now she might face criminal charges. Even worse, the airlines is now receiving dozens of bomb jokes from teenagers on Twitter, according to the Washington Post.

And finally, a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines delivered the pre-take off procedural speech by spouting one-liner after one-liner, inciting rambunctious laughter from everyone on board.

I give credit to this woman for her delivery — she seemingly recited her speech without consulting any type of script, and I’m pretty amazed she did it without losing her flow at any point.

But I also don’t understand how people on the plane thought it was so funny. I could barely understand her half of the time with her thick southern accent and quick pace. Also, it’s one thing to watch and enjoy it on YouTube, but if I’m on that freaking plane, I don’t want my flight attendants to be stand up comedians. I want them to tell me what the hell I need to do if there’s an emergency, so that I could, you know … survive.

If I was on that plane, I’ll admit I would have laughed, but when she finished I’d have been like, “OK, seriously though … what do I do in case there’s an emergency?”

Apparently Southwest Airlines does have a history of allowing their flight attendants to show a little humor during their pre-flight speeches, but I just thought this was too over the top.

But I’m just going to write this off as a bizarre airplane news week full of things we wouldn’t normally see the majority of the time.

Because in my mind, airplanes should be completely devoid of nudity, humor and teenage girls.

Just like my high school and college years.

Wait, what?

 

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