The World Cup is over. Now where will we all get our soccer fix?

Guys, we have a problem.

After one month of elite soccer players playing the game at the highest possible level, it has now come to an end.

No more beautifully orchestrated goals. No more immaculate vocabulary words utilized by foreign announcers you’d never hear in the United States. No more players falling down trying to sell an injury when in reality they were grazed on their toe.

No more cuts to beautiful Latin woman in the crowd reacting to their team’s heroics.

And no more ESPN soccer analysts sitting awkwardly around a dinner table pulling opinions out of their ass trying to sound Germany champsintelligent.

The 2014 World Cup is over.

For many in this country, the World Cup ended on July 1, when the United States was defeated by Belgium. But others stuck it out and watched the rest, including Brazil getting humiliated and outscored 10 to 1 in their final two games. And plenty saw the culmination of the tournament with Germany besting Argentina on Sunday to win its fourth World Cup.

In the month, we saw athletes you’d never otherwise known existed compete at the highest level. We saw people of all countries join together in Brazil to support their national squads in the flesh. And we saw Americans huddle together at bars, chanting “U.S.A!” in unison.

We even saw players take a bite out of one another. Literally.

I think it’s safe to say that, for most, a month of soccer is enough. You can’t expect a sport that isn’t universally popular here to suddenly catch on because of one tournament.

It’s the same concept with the Olympics. People become temporarily infatuated with curling, skiing, water polo, kayak slalom and Quidditch. And then it fades.

Oh wait, one of those is not actually a real sport? Sorry, I didn’t mean to include kayak slalom.

But one hopes that people formed an appreciation for soccer, since we seem to be one of the countries that doesn’t appreciate it. It requires incredible athleticism and endurance. It’s an ultimate team game. And it’s one of the few sports that gives athletes the opportunity to represent their country on the grandest of stages.

It’s the only way the United States can ever win a World Cup. Yes, we can compete — as seen this year — but what we really need is our nation’s youth to love soccer, and to stick with it, rather than straying to other more celebrated sports like basketball and [American] football.

If you want your soccer fix, wake up early in the morning and watch the English Premier League. You’ll see elite play there.

For everybody else, you’ll just have to wait another four years.

Or you can just wait for the next installment of the Quidditch World Cup, which I believe will next be played in 2016. Get your broomsticks ready!


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