Give a 9-year-old an Uzi, somebody is probably going to die.

The “Bizarre Story of the Day” label yesterday went to a shooting range in Arizona, where a 9-year-old girl, who was learning from a certified instructor how to shoot an Uzi, accidentally killed him when the powerful gun recoiled.

The girl, who is not yet 10, was learning how to use a machine gun.

From an instructor.

While her parents not only watched, but filmed it.

It’s hard to even decide where to begin. A 9-year-old should not be learning how to use any type of weapon. Let alone a gun. Let alone Uzi girla machine gun. And her parents were all for it.

People that young don’t need to know how to work a gun. This is 21st century America, not the Wild West. We’re also not shipping her out to Iraq anytime soon. Give her a goddamn Barbie doll.

The instructor, 39-year-old Charles Vacca, is a veteran, to make the story worse. He survived war, but not a 9-year-old. I don’t mean to kid (no pun intended), but it’s just a crazy story.

The incident has sparked conversation nationwide about kids and gun laws, which, probably should have been a conversation sooner.

No charges are expected to be filed against the girl, who has not been identified to the media. But she and her family live in New Jersey. Ironically, there is a 9-year-old sharpshooter from New Jersey named Shyanne Roberts, who is not the same girl involved.

Lost in all of this is how terrible the 9-year-old girl who was involved must feel. She killed a guy. Killed him. And she has to live with that.

It was a complete accident, and her parents are more to blame than any one else, but she physically pulled the trigger and now has to live with the knowledge that she was responsible for a death.

Because of the circumstances in which this happened, I’ve seen people call this an act of Social Darwinsm, which, I can’t blame them for. The entire story is mind-boggling.

Just because there are child soldiers in Rwanda doesn’t mean we should start arming our own children. Joseph Kony isn’t coming stateside anytime soon.

I wouldn’t even trust a 9-year-old girl with a slingshot.

I don’t even trust myself with a slingshot.

And who actually uses a slingshot besides Bart Simpson and Dennis the Menace?

But anyway, let’s confine Uzis to video games like Call of Duty, and out of the hands of 9-year-olds. K?


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