TayTalk: The universal language of Taylor Swift

It’s gotten a little serious here the last few days. But when cultural circumstance calls for it, I must be the voice of reason.

Let’s lighten the mood. Whenever I need to do that, I have one go-to. It’s pretty easy. All I have to do is see what’s going on in the world of Taylor Swift.

And today … it’s big.

You know how you feel like Taylor Swift songs define your life? Like every word she sings perfectly explains your own unique situation?

No, you say? You have no idea what I’m talking about? And never once have you ever felt that a single Taylor Swift lyric applied to any aspect of your existence?

Taylor Swift Performs On ABC's Well, don’t walk away just yet. You might still enjoy this.

A new app, TayText, allows you to send text messages using only lyrics from Taylor Swift songs.

Of all the useless things that have been invented in the smartphone era — and there have been a lot — this is by far the best one.

No one needed this. It solves nothing. All it does it take up more precious space on your iPhone.

But from the deeper, innate depths of your being, we all needed this. We just didn’t know it.

Taylor Swift is an accomplished and acclaimed lyricist, who mostly opines on love lost and found. And because she covers both ends of the romantic spectrum, her lyrics, when broken down, either resemble mushy Hallmark cards we buy on Valentine’s Day — or the rage-filled drunk texts we send to an ex at 3 a.m.

In text message form, that’s really all you can ask for.

What’s more is it’s all ready to go. You don’t need to rationalize your own emotion into one garbled little paragraph, only to have Siri screw it all up by autocorrecting half of the words. With TayText, you randomly generate, and send.

In fact, there’s no reason to ever complete any original thought ever again. Why use Taylor Swift lyrics for just texting? How about we use it for cover letters, speeches, entire books and just normal every day conversation?

I mean, she has hundreds of songs out now. Between all of them, we can cover all possible situations and contexts using her lyrics.

TayText is just the beginning.

Soon, the entire world will be speaking one universal language. Racial barriers will be broken. Religious and ideological differences among Middle Eastern countries will cease to exist. Partisanship in politics will be a complete afterthought.

Taylor Swift’s god-given gift of articulation will singlehandedly bring peace and harmony to the world.

Or maybe it will just … be an app that a couple people will download.

Either or.

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