Finally, a cool sounding disease.

Being sick sucks. No one ever wants to experience poor health. And aside from the actual symptoms that come with illness, another terrible part is having to tell people what you have.

Most diseases have extremely unflattering names. Who wants to tell somebody that they have salmonella, or herpes, or the chicken pox?

Quite frankly, it’s embarrassing.

But with 21st century medical science, every cell mutation has a name. But why not give diseases cool sounding names? It’s bad enough being sick. It’s another thing to have your disease bear a humiliating name. It’s like kicking a horse when it’s down. And then telling it that it has shingles.

LDWell I think we finally got one. New York City is currently dealing with an outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease. And I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds like a medieval, heroic disease. It’s what you got after being wounded in the Crusades. It’s what you got when you lost a jousting tournament to a fellow knight.

In reality, it’s actually pretty awful. Even deadly. It’s a bacterial pneumonia, caused by a bacterium called legionella, and gets its name from a 1976 outbreak at an American Legion convention in Philadelphia.

So far, 86 people have fallen ill from the airborne illness, and eight have died. The source of the outbreak are water cooling towers contaminated with the bacterium that release water droplets into the air. Its fatality rate is 5 to 30 percent.

And I don’t mean to downplay the severity of it. But it sounds like something that earns you a Purple Heart.

“Mrs. Wendy Conroy, your son fought bravely, but unfortunately he succumbed to Legionnaires’ disease. He died a hero. May this Medal of Honor find you some solace in your grief.”

That being said, if I’m in New York City anytime soon, I’m wearing a surgical mask on my face like they do in China, because I ain’t catching that shit.

While New Yorkers deal with that, let’s see what else happened today. Ah, Maxim made the news. Whenever I hear about that magazine, I want it to be because they had an extremely sexy woman half naked on their cover. Why else wouldIdris Elba I ever think about Maxim?

So when it’s in the news for something quite different — its first all-male cover, then that’s when I become a little peeved.

Nothing against Idris Elba, who is a fine actor and a dashing gentleman, but this is just unacceptable. Gender equality is on its way in America. Females are no longer being objectified. They’re doctors, nurses, CEOs and may possibly even become president.

Raunchy magazine covers are all we have left. Don’t take this from me, Maxim. DON’T DO IT.

Hmm, where is Maxim based? Madison Avenue in Manhattan, you say?

I think whoever was responsible for this decision should take a long stroll outside and breathe in the fresh night air.

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