The world’s worst camping trip

I’ve never been much of a camper.

I have a great appreciation for nature, and I’m certainly not one to object to a roasted marshmallow session around a campfire. However, I prefer to sleep in a comfortable bed in my own room.

We’re in the 21st century now. The need to camp involuntarily is pretty much obsolete. Unless you’re a Boy or Girl Scout. And if that’s the case, bring me Somoas. Now.

However, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t camp for a day or two if I needed to. Some music festivals, for example, are popular camping destinations. And we’ve all done that trip in high school or college where we pack a cooler with 100 cans of Bud Light and hit the woods. Because, bro, why not? YOLO.

What I could not tolerate, though, is camping for a year.

NASA simulationAnd that’s basically what six astronauts are doing near a barren volcano in Hawaii in order to simulate life on Mars. And it sounds miserable.

The six brave souls — three men and three women — will live in a dome, without fresh air or fresh food. For a year.

One of the major experiments of the trip is to test the human element, and see how six people get along while living together in a confined space with virtually no privacy. Basically, it’s NASA’s version of Real World Mars.

The worst part is the simple fact that these people aren’t even going to Mars. They’re simulating it, sure, and by all means pretending they’re there, but … they’re not. They get to experience all of the abject misery of Mars habitation, without receiving any of the glory that comes with actually exploring it.

No one will ever know who they are. And yet, they’re doing it for the good of science. God bless them. And looking at the picture of the sextet, I’d say that one of the three women are bangable. Trust me, that will come up.

On a related note, I recently read The Martian by Andy Weir, which is being released as a movie soon starring Matt Damon, about an astronaut who actually does get stranded on Mars, and must find a way to survive given the limited resources he has. It was pretty damn good, and one million times more exciting than anything that will actually happen during this yearlong simulation.

But I think NASA should keep experimenting along similar lines. Next one? Me and a group of supermodels living together in isolation inside of a mansion for a full year.

Let’s do it for science.

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