White guy tells preposterous 9/11 lie; Muslim builds a clock — only one is victimized

I remember in elementary school when somebody taught me how to make a cup out of a piece of paper.

It instantly became one of the coolest things I knew how to do. It even held water, too. Of course, if you didn’t drink it within a few seconds it would leak through. But by standard definition, it was a cup. I could still make that bad boy today too, if I tried.

Flash forward 20 years later, and I still don’t know how to make much besides a paper cup. I just do not have a knack for engineering. Or science. Or anything, really.

So the fact that a 14-year-old knows how to make a clock, to me, is pretty mind-blowing. And he didn’t do it as a class project, but in his spare time, simply because he wanted to. Kids like that grow up to change the world.

AhmedAnd yet, we respond by putting him into custody. I’m referring, of course, to young Ahmed Mohamed in Texas, who, let’s face it, has a name that is basically a generic filler name used by budding screenwriters when they can’t think of a better one for the terrorist in their action movie.

“Hey man, I need to name this terrorist character. Can you think of anything?”

“Nah man, I’m too stoned right now. Just call him, like, Ahmed Mohamed or something.”

“Good call bro. Pass that J. And the cheese doodles.”

Any one who has any vitriol over this incident can take solace in the fact the world has overwhelmingly shown their support for Ahmed, including Hillary Clinton, Mark Zuckerberg and even President Obama, who invited the 14-year-old to the White House next month.

Others on social media have shown solidarity by posting a photo of themselves posing with a clock, which affectionately and humorously is being called #Ahmeding.

I’m just still amazed that he knew how to make a freaking clock. I mean, it’s no paper cup, but still pretty cool.

Now let me transition from a Muslim to 9/11 in a manner that actually insults a white person. Comedian Steve Rannazzisi, best known for his work on “The League,” was caught in a lie today about something that, well, is pretty much the worst Steve Rannassizithing you can lie about.

Six years ago he told a very detailed story (start at 25:00) about how he escaped the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001 while working for Merrill Lynch. It turns out, he was working in Midtown that day, for a different company, and Merrill Lynch didn’t even have offices in the World Trade Center.

There’s really nothing left to do but call Rannazzisi an idiot. He’ll probably be shamed until the end of time, and he makes Brian Williams look like an embodiment of truth.

Lie about your college GPA, or your favorite Billy Joel song (you know it’s Uptown Girl), but to lie about your heroic escape from the World Trade Center on 9/11, when almost 3,000 people died that day? It really doesn’t get any lower than that.

How can we believe anything else that Rannazzisi has ever said? I think the only solution is for Ahmed to build a makeshift lie detector to use on him.

And then he can get arrested again when people think it’s a bomb.

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