Brace yourself for Star Wars mania

After years of anticipation, Star Wars release week is upon us.

Full disclosure: I could not care less. I enjoyed the original Star Wars trilogy when I watched them as a child, but it’s been at least a decade since I’ve even watched a scene from those movies.

I also saw the first two George Lucas reincarnations in theaters in the late ’90s and early 2000s, but couldn’t tell you one single detail about them. Except Jar Jar Binks. Didn’t even see the third one.

Therefore, I absolutely will not be seeing The Force Awakens when it hits theaters this weekend. But I will clearly be in the minority.

I fully expect that a greater percentage of Americans will see Star Wars this weekend than will vote in the presidential election next year.

Star Wars.jpgAnd that’s not a knock on or society. Movies are awesome. Especially ones that reimagine a film franchise that’s already beloved by millions. And on top of that, the actors who played the classic characters 30 years ago will be brought back for the new films.

It’s a Star Wars geek’s ultimate wet dream.

And again — not an insult. We’re all geeks of something. I’m a Lord of the Rings geek. I own the deluxe editions of all three movies, and on more than one occasion, I’ve watched them in back-to-back-to-back days.

It literally takes up like 25 percent of the time that you’re awake during those three days. And needless to say, the only girl I saw during that span was Liv Tyler’s character, Arwen, who is the daughter of Elrond, one of the mighty rulers of Middle Earth.

Woah. Delivered way too much information there.

Anyway, the big question is whether the actual product will match up to the hype. Ever since it was announced three years ago that nerd-luminary J.J. Abrams would be directing the new movie, expectations skyrocketed to almost unachievable proportions.

Not only that, but they’ve brought on an impressive cadre of talented young actors in Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver, Domnhall Gleeson and Lupita Nyong’o to complement the original cast.

Andy Serkis is in it, too. But let’s face it — that was an inevitability. Even if he was never officially casted, he would have found his way on set somehow and nobody would have questioned it for a moment. I don’t even need to know what character he’s playing. I’ll just assume that every CGI creature, and even every inanimate object, is played by Andy Serkis.

So brace yourself for the box office bonanza, the social media hoopla, the endless Galactic empire conversation, the exorbitant news coverage, the imaginary Jedi lightsaber duels, and the freakshow fans who will line up days in advance at their local theater in full Star Wars attire.

That last jab?

That was an insult.

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