It’s January 4th, meaning most of you have probably already failed to follow through on your New Year’s resolution.
But need not worry. Trying to decide on a realistic New Year’s resolution is like dropping a cookie on the floor for three seconds and still eating it.
You failed in your task, but it happened so fast you hope no one noticed, and you start anew.
In fact, let me simplify it for you and make a list of 10 possible New Year’s resolutions for 2016.
Too often, people aim to better themselves with their New Year’s goals. But in my opinion, that is only setting yourself up for disappointment.
Because for one, it implies that there’s something wrong with you. And then, when you don’t achieve it, you consider yourself a failure.
Why can’t New Year’s resolutions simply be more mundane, extracurricular activities that just offer something creative for you to engage in? It doesn’t have to be anything inspiring.
And most of all, let them be extremely random. Let me give you a few examples.
Go the entire year without saying “bae.”
I’ll let you say it once. Because once you read it, you feel the urge to say it aloud. Fine, one more time. But that’s it. You’re done for 2016.
Watch three minutes of the NBC show “Telenovela.”
It doesn’t deserve any more of your time than that.
Just decide that you are the fifth member of One Direction.
Don’t even tell any one about it or even attempt to ask the band if it’s OK. Just know that it’s the truth and act accordingly.
Open a Tinder conversation by reciting “Hotline Bling” in Haiku form.
I know when that hot
line bling. It can only mean
one thing. I know when.
View 26 Taylor Swift music videos in a single day.
And by doing so, you can officially christen the word “Taylorthon.” This concept is also known to me as Sunday.
Tell somebody you wholeheartedly support the Iran nuclear agreement, and when they ask why, say “Just because” and then moonwalk away.
You’ll have won any political argument before it’s even begun.
Come November, write in Pepe Le Pew as your vote for president.
Let’s face it, he’d do as good of a job as any one else running, even if he is a stinky candidate.
Write a 40,000-word missive declaring your fondness for Benedict Cumberbatch, and then submit it to your local newspaper for publication.
Trust me, as a former journalist, they will enjoy it.
Start a Reddit discussion asking people who they believe is the better lyricist: Pharrell Williams or Bob Dylan?
It’s a near guarantee to incite a lively debate and not anger any music fans at all.
Lose 15 pounds
LMAO. I’m just kidding on this one. Let’s not be silly.