If you’re having trouble sleeping, read about the Iowa caucuses

“…. And then Cinderella and the Prince lived happily ever after. The end. Goodnight little Trevor.”


“Yes, son?”

“I’m not tired yet. Read me another!”

“Alright. Just one more. But then you have to go to sleep, OK?”

“OK, mom.”

“Once upon a time, in the faraway land of Iowa, there was a caucus. It’s the electoral event that sets the tone for the presidential election. Republicans cast their votes secretly, while Democrats stand in a designated area denoting their favorite candidate in order to cast their … Trevor … you awake? Trevor?”

Iowa caucus2.pngMoms of America, take note. If you’re trying to find a way to get your children to fall asleep, tell them about the Iowa caucuses. For that matter, people of all ages can read about the caucuses if they need that extra little push to send them into Dreamville.

That’s what I call my dreams, by the way. It sounded better than Sleepytown.

Take it from me. I actually care about politics, and yet, reading or hearing about the Iowa caucus bores me to tears.

I bring this up, of course, because the 2016 Iowa caucus is next Monday, Feb. 1. And you’ll be hearing a lot about it between now and then, if you haven’t already.

Simply put, the reason it’s so important is because it’s the first major vote in the nominating process. Every state — and territory; what up Puerto Rico? — has either a caucus or primary, but Iowa’s is first. Thus, the results often propel candidates towards success, or, conversely, effectively end campaigns.

For example, Barack Obama, who was an underdog at the time, defeated Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Iowa Caucus. The rest is history.

After Monday, the race for who will represent their party in November’s election will become a lot clearer.

But it’s still just so god damn boring. If you’re somehow still interested, then Vox has put together a pretty good primer as to how the Iowa caucus works. Read at your own mercy.

I mean, I understand why Iowans care so much about it. Aside from hosting the Field of Dreams movie site (which I visited last September), and the occasional success of one of its college sports teams, there’s really nothing else there. Trust me, I’ve been to Iowa, and it’s exactly what you’d think.

So, for some political buffs, Monday will be a big day. For others, it’ll be known as Groundhog2Groundhogs Day Eve.

You know, there’s got to be a way to combine those two, right? Put every candidate around the groundhog’s burrow, and whatever person it scurries over to will be the nominee.

Actually, scratch that. Because a groundhog would probably be attracted to Donald Trump’s hair considering it looks like another groundhog.

Let’s just stick with the Iowa caucus.

I’m becoming dreary-eyed just thinking about it.

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