Ted Cruz is not going to be president of the United States.
And this isn’t a desperate plea from someone who is in denial — it’s a fact. It is mathematically impossible for Ted Cruz to obtain the prerequisite number of delegates needed prior to this summer’s Republican National Convention.
Amazingly, this incontrovertible truth did not stop him from becoming the first presidential nominee to choose a running mate in Carly Fiorina on Tuesday.
Never mind Fiorina’s clear incompetence to be second-in-command of our country when you consider her track record as a failed business executive and perennial liar regarding a fabricated video that brought unfair controversy upon Planned Parenthood late last year.
Never mind that Cruz is the first presidential candidate in 40 years to name a running mate before earning his party’s nomination.
Ted Cruz picking his vice president is as meaningful as if I declared myself eligible for the NFL Draft. It’s as meaningful as if I decided I have the ability breathe underwater.
And it’s as meaningful as if I picked my own running mate for the presidential nomination.
Heck, if Ted Cruz is doing it, why don’t we all do it? It could be a fun little Internet game. Choose your running mate. People could play it right after “Choose Which Disney Princess Best Represents You.” And if you can’t think of one, then I’m sure there’s someone in the world with way too much time on their hands that can create a Running Mate Generator.
It’s purely hypothetical and unrealistic, but hey, Ted Cruz just set the precedent. (And no, Ted, that’s precedent with a “c”, not an “s”.)
My decision was an easy one. I select Taylor Swift. And just like that, she’s officially off the board and ineligible to be any one else’s running mate.
How perfect of a choice is she? She’s perfectly amiable, smart, she’s an economic powerhouse unto herself, is adored by people of all religions, ethnicities and skin colors, and I don’t care how much you deny it, there is at least one Taylor Swift song for everybody. She’d be the ideal diplomat and representative.
Plus, as a political tandem, you’d get to spend every day of your life alongside Taylor Swift. How cool is that?
I dare the unbound delegates to resist the pull of T-Swizzle. I dare you.
We already know she could handle the pressure. Just watch this recently video filmed by Vogue where she answers 73 highly personal questions in rapid succession. Not once during the unconventional interview does she waver. She answers each question with poise and confidence — which includes one shockingly honest moment when Taylor acknowledges that she became “a lightning rod for slut shaming.”
That’s the type of aplomb and veracity that this country needs. And yes I used a thesaurus to come up with those two words.
Most of all, Taylor is a unifier. She doesn’t degrade immigrants. She doesn’t race bait or mock disabled people.
Taylor, let’s make America great again.
Because we are never, ever, ever … losing an election together.