Alright, Hamilton is an amazing play. WE GET IT.

Anyone who knows anything about live theater is aware that Broadway is the place to be. It’s where every aspiring stage actor strives to end up, and is universally accepted as the epicenter of theater in the entire world.

And yes, when I write “theater,” I’m sounding it out in my head as obnoxiously as possible.

But Broadway is not for everyone. And that group includes me.

There’s just so many ways I’d rather spend my day than seeing a Broadway show. And that includes lying on my bed watching reruns of The Voice. From two seasons ago.

Especially for that price. It costs an arm and a leg to see a show, and if I’m going to spend big bucks to watch anything live, it’ll be a concert or a baseball game. Or an underground cockfighting tournament.

I’ve lived a mere 20 miles from New York City my entire life, and I’ve seen one Broadway show. And that was last year when I saw Larry David’s most recent work — “A Fish in the Dark.”

And I actually liked it. And yet, I still have no desire to see a Broadway show again. It’s just not for me.

So I feel the absolutely bare minimum amount of envy a human being could actually feel when someone they know shows off the fact that they are seeing the new hit musical, “Hamilton.”


Most of you have probably heard of it by now. It reached peak popularity after it was highlighted on the most recent Grammy broadcast in February. And now it’s sold out until January 2017.

The show has also seeped its way into pop culture, which is not really common for Broadway, a dramatic art form that usually lives in its own bubble. Since late last year, it was referenced on Saturday Night Live; featured on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon; and one of its actors was even part of a skit this weekend with Hillary Clinton and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio that brought a little controversy for the front-running Democratic presidential candidate.

While Hamilton’s music, lyrics, costumes and set design have been praised to the sky, what’s really made it unique is its concept: a story of America’s founding fathers, played by actors of color.

I think it’s great that it’s promoting diversity, and at the same time, showing that all stories are defined by humanity, and not race … but … I still don’t care.

If I’m not going to care about other popular plays, like Wicked, or If/Then, or anything else that stars Idina Menzel, then I can’t force myself to care about Hamilton just because there’s a bunch of minorities in it.

And that’s coming from an uber liberal. But in this case, my animosity for Broadway supersedes my love for equality.

So let me just do everyone a favor and save time for everyone who wants to post a selfie of themselves at Hamilton.

We get it. You’re amazing. You’re cultured. You have money. You value the arts. And now you get to comment on everybody else’s Hamilton selfie by saying, “It’s so good! We saw it too!”

Now, instead of that selfie, you can post about something else on Facebook. Like your political views.

What have I done.

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