Hurricane Matthew, creepy clowns and I think there was a vice presidential debate

A lot has been happening over the past few days, between creepy clown sightings across the U.S., a rather boring presidential date, and the threat of a historic hurricane threatening to wipe out the entire eastern coast of Florida.

But before I get to that, I must express my grief and heartbreak over my beloved New York Mets, whose season came to an abrupt end with a devastating 3-0 loss to the San Francisco Giants in N.L. Wild Card Game on Wednesday night.

The Mets defied expectations this season by making the playoffs even after several key players went down with injuries. They overcame adversity and fought tooth and nail and every single night, and I could not be prouder, even if the sting of defeat has yet to wear off.

Also, it officially nullified my preseason prediction. But hey, it’s never to early to call for them to win it all in 2017, is it?

Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard summed it up perfectly in a tweet: “Baseball has a way of ripping your heart out, stabbing it, putting it back in your chest, then healing itself just in time for Spring Training.”

Well said, Noah.

But let’s brush through a few topics here quickly.

Sticking with sports, my girl Maria Sharapova will be making her return from hersharapova-celebratingsuspension sooner than expected after the world’s highest sports court shortened her punishment stemming from her failed drug test earlier this year.

Her initial suspension was way too severe considering the body that sentenced it acknowledged she wasn’t intentionally trying to cheat. So I’m happy for her.

And I promise my admiration for her has more to do with the fact that she is a strong, independent, successful and talented woman than that I enjoy watching her beautiful, long-legged sweaty self running up and down a tennis court for two hours. I swear.

OK, next. The vice presidential debate. Hot moderator Elaine Quijano notwithstanding, I honestly have to willfully urge my brain to remember that I watched this on Tuesday night. Both men are seasoned politicians and skilled debaters, and basically canceled each other out with their blandness and scripted responses — especially in comparison to the strong personalities and unpredictable nature of the candidates at the top of their respective tickets.


Analysts say Mike Pence “won” the debate, but I don’t really see how you win anything when he basically spent 90 minutes denying quotes by Tim Kaine of Donald Trump, which basically were recited verbatim.

News analysis the next morning basically went like this:

Tim Kaine quoting absurd Trump statement.

Mike Pence: He never said that.

Video footage of Trump saying exactly that.

In all seriousness, considering the man Pence was forced to defend, he did do a pretty decent job — even if I didn’t agree with basically anything he said. And also, shame on Tim Kaine for not digging into Mike Pence, an ultraconservative, on his religious liberty bill debacle last year.

Oh well. Those looking to be entertained need to wait only three more days until the next presidential debate. I’m sure it will lend us plenty of fodder.

creepy-clownAnd finally, these creepy clowns. There have been stories across the U.S. of bizarre sightings, crimes, hoaxes and other weird incidents involving clowns. Heck, 12 arrests have been made in association with clown sightings and there’s even been one death.

Here’s my theory: there’s a film adaptation of Stephen King’s “It” hitting theaters next year. It’s all one big publicity stunt. We’re all scared of clowns to begin with, right? So why not plant these “creepy clowns” across the states to unnerve people people even more, adding a more frightening aura to a film that has a scary clown as its antagonist. That’s definitely something Hollywood would do.

Alright, that’s all I got.

But to the good people of Florida, do try to stay safe this weekend. The forecast looks pretty grim.

Plus, you don’t want to be the city that gets destroyed by a hurricane with a wimpy name like Matthew.

At least wait until we hit the letter ‘W’ for the big storm.

Because Hurricane Weinblog is coming for you, bitches.

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