It’s not that I’m indifferent towards Halloween this year. I just forgot.

Every year around mid-October, I take a moment to analyze exactly what my thoughts are leading up to Halloween.

I don’t ever want to lose my festive spirit, or my zest for celebrating holidays, regardless of how meaningful that day really is. Because if you’re indifferent towards a holiday that most other people are excited for, then it could be a concern that you are just slowly becoming a miserable person in general.

HalloweenThat’s why, every year, when I do think about Halloween — or Christmas, Independence Day, New Year’s, etc.  — I hope that it does stir some excitement within me. I hope that I do want to join in on the celebratory customs. The last thing I want is for me to think about Halloween, and say, “This holiday is really stupid. I’m not going to do anything.”

Well, this year, I didn’t really do anything. At least not yet. I haven’t created a costume. I haven’t made physical contact with a pumpkin, or any type of orange fruit for that matter. I haven’t watched a scary movie.

But it’s not because I am purposely avoiding it.

It’s because I just simply forgot. And you can’t consider yourself indifferent towards something if you haven’t really set aside the time to formulate an opinion about it, right?

Don’t ask me why I forgot. Perhaps it’s because Halloween was smack dab in the middle of the week this year, and therefore there was no one universal day for it to be celebrated over the weekend. Or maybe it’s because at my age — 26 — we have a lot of other things to worry about. Like our jobs. And finding more income. That kind of takes precedent over buying a Halloween costume.

At the very least, thinking about Halloween, and the dressing up, the trick-or-treating and all the other crap, doesn’t make me angry. I still think it’s kind of cool. It just didn’t occur to me to be a part of it.

Two years ago, I wrote a post analyzing the evolution we undergo throughout our lives as to how we treat Halloween. It still stands to reason. We go from toddlers dressing up, to adolescents causing mischief, to collegiates getting schnockered, to mid-20s and being in that in-between-what-do-I-do-now mode. Naturally, as we age, we’ll get married, do the corny husband and wife costume duo, and then go through the whole cycle again with our own kids. And that, my friends, is life.

But what you never want is to have that one year where you simply lose interest. And with a couple of days left until “Halloween Weekend #2,” I am going to salvage this holiday season. As I’ve said before, the best Halloween costumes are subtle, and require very little craftsmanship. Which means there’s still plenty of time to throw something together.

That’s right. This guy is going to get into the Halloween spirit! Starting… tomorrow. Or Friday.

So the fact that I’ve forgotten about participating in Halloween in any way, shape or form so far this year does not bother me. Because I’m not miserable (yet), or grouchy (again… yet) or resentful towards other people who do celebrate Halloween enthusiastically (Though I probably will be when I go on Facebook in five minutes.)

If anything, I should be worried that my forgetfulness may be an early indicator of something terrible, like early onset Alzheimers.

Happy Halloween!

Owning a pumpkin ends up being a bad idea 100 percent of the time

I’ve decided that late October is officially the peak of pumpkin season.

The arrival of pumpkins into national relevancy begins sometime in early September, mainly in liquid form, with the onset of pumpkin-flavored coffee and ale in local coffee shops and bars. But with Halloween rapidly approaching, pumpkins become as prevalent in our culture as green shirts do among wannabe Irish people on St. Patrick’s Day.

Somewhere along the way, pumpkins became part of Thanksgiving, too. In fact, Halloween and Thanksgiving just seems like one big holiday at this point. They both involve not only pumpkins, but autumnal color schemes like brown and orange, leaves, the word “harvest,” and flannel shirts.

The only difference is one revolves around turkey and stuffing and the other around candy. With one holiday, I’m thankful for my friends and family, and the other, I’m thankful for trampy costumes on women.

But anyway, back to pumpkins. It’s customary for people to acquire their own pumpkins for holiday season. Some place them on their front lawn, others plop them on their desk, and people may even put one in their car for safekeeping.

I’m all for people developing a festive attitude, but sometimes I wonder if we really think things through when we go about owning our own pumpkins. Because I seriously don’t think people put as much thought into it as they should.

When you put a pumpkin on your work desk, or on your front stoop, it’s not like you’re putting any old decorative item there. For example, one could place a snow globe on their desk, and keep it their until the end of time. It will go unchanged.

But pumpkins rot. They start to smell. They attract insects and rodents. And when you actually carve open a pumpkin, it only accelerates the decaying process. If you leave a pumpkin out overnight on your front lawn, a raccoon or a squirrel is going to eat the shit out of it faster than you can even post a photo on Facebook.

And within hours, your cool-looking pumpkin suddenly looks like a deformed, mutated basketball. Last year, my company encouraged employees to participate in a pumpkin decorating contest. It was actually kind of fun. People went to great lengths and made some creative get-ups for their respective pumpkins.

But after a few days, nobody knew what to do. Throwing a pumpkin in the trash just feels weird. It’s not garbage. It’s not a used tissue. it’s an actual fruit (and yes, a pumpkin is apparently a fruit, not a vegetable.) Putting it in the trash bin would be like throwing out an entire watermelon without ever eating it. Even though we never had any intention of eating the pumpkin.

And seriously, who ever does eat a pumpkin?

So, I kept in on my desk. Days passed. Then weeks. Besides the fact that it took up a lot of space, pumpkins are also very awkwardly shaped and tend to not stay still. One nudge and it goes toppling, sending your entire desk into disarray. But again, I couldn’t toss it. Finally, the pumpkin started to turn a shade of brown — which I ignored — and then black. Which I could no longer ignore.

Possessing a pumpkin is almost like a chore, in fact. It’s comparable to a girlfriend you like just barely enough to not want to break up with and hurt her feelings.

Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks pumpkin carving is a little sadistic, can I? It involves taking a long, deadly blade, and brutally slashing it into a hard, meaty surface repeatedly. And by doing it multiple times, you only get better at it. In essence, we’re nurturing our knife wielding skills. For all we know, the Zodiac killer gained his inspiration after carving his very first jack-o’-lantern.

This topic is especially relevant to me because, this morning, my company once again rolled in a crate of pumpkins for this year’s contest. I was probably the least excited person in the room to see that barrel of orange spheres. Nonetheless, I gave into peer pressure and snagged a pumpkin.

Time will tell how long I hold onto this pumpkin. But unlike last year, I will not let this relationship last longer than it needs to.

Pumpkin, it’s not you. It’s me.

Are people really asking for Halloween costume ideas on Facebook?

Halloween is a mere sixteen days away, and it is about that time when people start deciding what they want to dress up as to mark the occasion.

In life, we will face many big decisions. There will be job offers we must either accept or decline, with both decisions severely affecting our lives.

You must make a choice on an individual of the opposite gender, and decide, truly, that you will make the pact to love him or her forever.

Much later down the road, you must decide who you wish to inherit your money and possessions when death is inevitable.

And right up there, you have to decide what you want to be for Halloween.

Are there people out there who still actually need help determining their Halloween costumes? Most of us have now been dressing up for 20+ Halloweens in our lives, and you still can’t decide what you want to be? First of all, there’s an entire plethora of generic options that you can choose from in every year, like a black cat, a werewolf or a witch, for starters. Secondly, maybe you should try considering pop culture, and think about what was popular and relevant this year, and then use your creativity to put together a costume.

The process behind deciding on a Halloween costume does not change every year. It’s always the same. So for you to actually be so stymied that you feel compelled to seek help on Facebook, then that is mind-boggling to me.

The other day I saw one of my Facebook friends write on Facebook about how he “needs suggestions for a Halloween costume.”

And then right underneath I see somebody who I don’t know chime in with some asinine comment like, “DERRR I THINK YOU SHOULD BE A PUMPKIN,” and then my Facebook friend says, “Wow, that’s a great idea!”

If you spend more than five minutes thinking of a Halloween costume, you’re doing it wrong. If you have to ask other people for help in choosing your costume, you’re doing it wrong. And if you spend more than twenty minutes actually making your costume, then guess what? You’re doing it wrong.

I have said for years that the best Halloween costumes require the bare minimum amount of effort. In fact, allow me to instill you with a little bit of wisdom. Here are the keys that lead to the best Halloween costume.

1. Subtlety. So many people try way too hard when it comes to making their costumes. You can take one look at it, and instantly tell that they spent hours, if not days, crafting their costume. For that amount of effort, your costume better be flawless. It should be so good that I want to actually confuse you with Justin Bieber. Momentarily, I want to think that I am at the same party as the Biebs.

And that is why you shouldn’t even bother to make an elaborate costume. You need to be able to come up with an idea that clearly shows that you spent less than ten minutes working on it. Because then you’re setting the bar so low that there is nowhere to go but up.

2. Creativity. It amazes me how little creativity some people have in this world. The fictional hero MacGyver was able to disable a bomb using a thumb tack and a piece of string cheese, and yet, some people couldn’t even create a picture frame if they were given Popsicle sticks, Elmer’s glue and set of cray-pas.

If you truly put your mind to it, you could create a clever costume that not one single person in your circle of friends will think of. All you have to do is use your peanut-sized brain to think for a minute, for the love of God.

3. Interaction. This is often something that people don’t think about. But if you can manage to create a costume that allows people to contribute to it throughout the night, then you will steal the night. This does take a little more creativity than usual, but if you can swing it, you will almost definitely be the life of the party.

4. Females: when in doubt, show cleavage. No description necessary.

It’s really not that difficult. Halloween is a holiday that was meant for kids to roam around their neighborhood and collect candy. But then it somehow evolved into a giant college event where guys think of excuses to walk around shirtless and girls try to think of the most obscure professions that they could make slutty. And then Halloween eventually turns into a bunch of people in their late 20s trying to pretend that they’re still young by dressing up and going out and then coming home and being in bed by midnight because they had a long week at work.

It’s not meant to be a stressful time in our lives. The stressful times are going to come later. If your blood pressure rises on Halloween, it should be because you have early onset diabetes and don’t know it yet, and not because you are stressed out about a Halloween costume.

And the best part is, for all of those people who have no clue as to what they want to be, is that you know their final finished products are going to be horrendous.

But, you know, Halloween isn’t for everyone. If you’re bad at handling this holiday then there’s always Independence Day or — actually scratch, that. Independence Day probably wouldn’t work either. And Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day and Memorial Day are probably out too. In fact, Christmas probably won’t cut it either.

President’s Day. I think that’s your window. Don’t screw it up.

The timeline of Halloween

Yeah I know that Halloween is not until Monday. However, since this weekend is “Halloween weekend,” then I will discuss it now, or else it will be too late.

Halloween is an interesting holiday. I say that, because what you do on this holiday depends on how old you are. As we age, our Halloween festivities evolve. Yeah, there will always be the same themes: candy, costumes, pumpkins, black cats, and all that crap. But, on a more personal level, it does not stay the same.

Allow me to elaborate.

Halloween as a child, ages 5-12

This, in my opinion, is where Halloween hits its apex. There is no better joy in life than your first experience trick-or-treating. Usually, at a young age, you’ll get together with about four or five other families, and you’ll go trick or treating for several hours.

You’ll go to door to door, not even having the slightest clue just how dangerous it is, while collecting shitloads among shitloads of candy. My favorite part of Halloween as an infant was coming home after trick-or-treating, dumping all of my candy out on the floor, and then sorting it out by brand. The Three Musketeers go together, the M&M’s go together, and the Almond Joys all get thrown out.

Of course, you dressed up for the occasion, and if you are a male, then you were one of three things: a ninja, a power ranger, or teenage mutant ninja turtle. At least if it was the early 90s, you were.

It was always fun to see what local homeowners did to their homes and front lawns for the occasion, like hang cobwebs, or turn their property into a graveyard. And when you were a kid, it was spooky.

This joyous tradition continues for a few years. And then when you hit about 10 or 11, and possibly even 12, your parents may become a little more trustworthy and allow you to trick-or-treat later into the night, and maybe with a smaller group. Perhaps they’ll even allow your older brother or sister to supervise you, thus taking away that annoying parental presence. Ah, the liberation.

It was always my goal, during these times, to gather as much candy as I can. If you left a bowl outside with a sign that said “take one,” well, sorry, but I took ten. Deal with it. I still don’t regret it.

In short, these were the days.

Halloween as a young teenager, ages 13-17

This is when things got awkward. Once you become a teenager, trick-or-treating is out of the question. Maybe if you have a kid brother or sister than you can still get away with it, but for the most part, you did not want to be caught dead trick-or-treating. It wasn’t “cool.”

So, what do you do instead? I remember one awkward Halloween, where I was hanging out with a friend at his house, and we knew we were too young to trick-or-treat. However, we didn’t want to be lame, so we decided to go stroll the neighborhood. I remember walking for five minutes when someone tried to hit us with an egg. It barely missed, but you could still consider that my “loss of innocence” as far as Halloween went.

The days of dressing up and going door-to-door with youthful exasperation were over. I thought that I would never enjoy this holiday again. It was a little sad, to be honest. But I would drown my sorrows by eating all the leftover candy that my parents were unable to give away. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got do it.

And then when you turn 15 and 16, Halloween becomes a lot more mischievous. What was once innocent, childlike fun suddenly turned into reckless, potentially dangerous teenage mischief.

Instead of knocking on old Mrs. Johnson’s door to get your share of Raisinettes, you find yourself in your local grocery store picking up eggs, toilet paper and shaving cream. It seems innocent, but tell that to the parents who wake up the next day with rolls of toilet paper in their tree and eggs all over their car. It’s like bullying to the extreme.

Plus you’re driving around while looking for your targets in a pretty reckless manner. Never mind that there were trick-or-treaters all over the place. Honestly, although it was the “thing to do” at the time, I never got much joy out of this. Oh, high school.

Halloween, the college years, ages 18-21.

Welcome to a whole new experience. Remember that part about never dressing up, and never having fun on Halloween again? Yeah, scratch that. In college, Halloween is the biggest party of the year. Even the biggest nerds on campus dress up and hit the bar scene on Halloween.

And with independence comes a whole new level of costumes. Me and my friends used to hit up the Salvation Army and find pretty much whatever we needed for our costumes. I saw things such as Captain Planet, Aladdin, The Geico Caveman and Uncle Sam dressed to perfection.

And don’t even get me started with the girls. No longer under the watchful eye of their parents, and now in the years of their life where they are supposed to “live it up,” girls will dress up in the skimpiest, sluttiest outfits you can imagine. You can pretty much think of any character, and you’ll see it. A slutty nurse, a slutty maid, a slutty teacher, it’s all there. Even Disney characters show up for the sluttiness! You got your slutty Cinderellas, your slutty princess Jasmines and your slutty Snow Whites. It truly is a fairy tale for the eyes.

My one complaint was that the bars used to be absolutely ridiculous at my school on Halloween weekend. It almost wasn’t even worth going in them because they were so packed. People just stood outside in their costumes and conversed with one another. It was pretty awesome. But more importantly, Halloween is fun again.

Halloween, post college, ages 22-27.

Now I fall in the middle of this age range, but I know how it is. This is the age where, yeah, you’re no longer an undergrad, but, shit, you’re not old either. You can still party hardy!

Usually most people will spend at least one Halloween traversing New York City bars in the year or two after college. If you live in New York, of course. It’s a pretty incredible experience.

Parades are happening, streets are closed off, and thousand of thousands of drunk people are walking the streets. Cops are on every corner, but they won’t bother you, especially since everybody’s drunk. They’re really just there to make sure a riot doesn’t break out.

Although, when I did New York City for Halloween, and when I paid $20 to get into a bar and then $10 per drink, I kind of lost my desire to do it again. So now I do what I think most mid-to-late 20 year-olds do; just go to a house party.

This is the best way to go about it for a few reasons. For one, you’re with your friends. Now that everyone’s working at their full-time jobs, or is busy in grad school, it’s hard to get the whole gang together at once. Halloween is the perfect excuse. Plus, you do it while you’re all dressed up.

I should point out that this is probably also the age where girls begin to dress a little more classier, but, you can’t win ‘em all.

This way, you don’t deal with large crowd, expensive prices, potential riots or cold October weather; you just have fun in the confines of a house. Or apartment. And, of course you still dress up. That’s the great thing about Halloween. You’re never too old to dress up. Even when you’re 50, you still do it.

So besides that awkward age when you’re 14 and 15 and you’re “too cool” to do so, dressing up is something that never really goes away. Also, now that you’re smarter, and have money to actually buy stuff, Halloween costumes tend to become more creative and more impressive when you become older.

Conclusion

And that, my friends, is the timeline that is Halloween. What starts out as youthful enthusiasm and joy, turns to adolescent, rebellious pride, turns to teenage transgression, turns to drunken, experimental shenanigans, which turns into quieter, yet still lively and enjoyable times. All while wearing a costume along the way. What is better than that?

Have a good Halloween everyone!

Halloween costumes

For the past two weeks now, on multiple occasions, I’ve had people ask me what I plan to wear on Halloween.

And this has been my response: “I don’t know. Halloween is three weeks away. I can’t even begin to answer that question because I have put so little thought into it.”

Whenever people ask me, I have to think for a second. Because the thought of dressing up hasn’t even entered the realm of my mind. In fact, I still don’t even have the faintest idea whether I even plan to dress up for Halloween.

It’s still early October. Maybe when It’s October 29th, I’ll think about it. That is when I will make a decision. And not on October 5th. People were asking me so early in the month that I didn’t even remember that it was October. I didn’t even realize that we were in the month that Halloween falls in.

I know that Halloween is a big deal to some people. They’ve dressed up in the past, and thus they are now expected to find some awesome costume to dress up in every year.

And I know that girls have an obligation to dress up for Halloween. Normally it is of something of the slutty variety, though I am unsure at what age that ends.

But for me, it’s just not something I feel is worth thinking about. And it is not because I think that I am too good for Halloween, or that I am too good for dressing up, I just think that it’s a giant waste of time. First of all, if you’re going to put a lot of time and effort into creating a Halloween costume, then it better be good.

There is nothing more hysterical than seeing somebody wear this elaborate costume, where you can tell they’ve days — and possibly weeks — making, and you don’t even know what they are. That is probably the best part of Halloween.

I believe that the best Halloween costumes could be made in five minutes. And literally the five minutes before you leave for a Halloween party.

For example, two years I ago I taped a dry erase board to my chest, scribbled the word “Facebook” at the top, and went over to a party. At least three people told me that I had the best costume that night. Tons of people approached me throughout the party and kept writing on my “wall.” It was a hit. I was awesome. Unfortunately, the night did not end with my relationship status changing from “single” to “having sex right now.” How awesome would that be if it was an actual relationship status?

So that is why I become so flustered when people ask me about my Halloween costume nearly a month before the actual holiday. When I was asked the first time, I became shocked by the discovery that people in the world actually do think about their Halloween costumes so far in advance. And then I got asked a couple more times, and I learned that it was a common thing.

Being the bubble burster that I am, I used to bash on Halloween all the time. I hated it during college because it meant that every bar would be packed. I’ve softened on it now, because I’ve accepted the fact that it adds a unique twist to the night, and what the hell? If people want to get dressed up for a night and look like idiots, why not let them? If it means they’ll come out and I get to have a beer with them, then who cares if I’m drinking with a retarded-looking version of Superman?

Now I know what you’re all wondering. He’s blogging about it, so obviously he must have some idea of what he might dress up as, right? Right? Well, no. I still don’t. But I assure you that I probably will do something, that it won’t take me longer than ten minutes to make, and that it will be creative and funny.

Just like this blog!

An Unexpected Rendezvous and Sports/Indigestion Fail = My Halloween

Hope everybody had a safe and happy Halloween. As I attended the Knicks game on Halloween night, I did not dress up for the holiday. And I don’t regret it at all.

The weekend started with me going to the gym straight after work on Friday. On the way home, I realized that I desperately needed to stop at an ATM to load up on cash for the weekend. I get out of my car, still in a t-shirt and shorts (and really sweaty) and run to the ATM. It was COLD. As quickly as I could, I entered my pin #, collected my dough, and ran back to my car. As soon as I get in, I notice that the person who went to the ATM after me is gesturing towards me, and I immediately knew why. I had forgotten to exit out of my account. Yeah, pretty dumb.

I run out of my car and the guy asks me if I’m done, and I say yes. He responds by saying that he’ll exit out for me, which I see him do. I tell him thank you, and that I’m an idiot… because I am. Right before I turn back to my car, I look at the guy again and realize that he looks extremely familiar and that I know him from somewhere.

“Don’t I know you?” I ask.

He extends his hand. “I’m Senator Fuschillo.”

I made a fool out of myself in front of a New York state senator. Although, on the other hand, if I was going to make a mistake like that, at least an extremely honest man was there to bail me out. On that note, with Election Day looming (tomorrow), – and I don’t normally do this – the Weinblog© officially endorses Charles J. Fuschillo Jr. for New York state senator in the 8th District. I can personally vouch that he is indeed a sincere and truthful individual.

Alright, so, I went to the Knicks game on Saturday the night. It was pretty awesome. The crowd was electric. Our seats, despite being towards the top, were pretty solid as we were in the very first row of our section. The beer, while expensive, was good. The Knicks… were a bummer.

They played fairly well for most of the game, and even took a 9 point lead with six minutes remaining. And that is when they fell apart. They were outscored 17-3 from that point forward and lost the game 100-95. Really put a huge damper in the night. We were ready to go out and celebrate a solid Knicks victory, instead we were standing outside of Madison Square Garden, dazed and confused as to what happened to our beloved Knicks. Fuck them.

We ended up walking about 10 blocks and heading towards a bar called Rudy’s that has excellent deals on pitchers, and also serves you free hot dogs throughout the night. I had three of them. Hey, I had barely eaten that day, don’t judge me.

But it was definitely interesting to walk around and observe everybody’s costumes. After a couple of pitchers, we decided to call it a night and headed back to Astoria and watched A Few Good Men on TNT. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

The next day, I was ready to put the Knicks game behind me and watch my Jets. I knew they wouldn’t let me down.

Wrong. In what was a disgusting offensive performance, they lost o the Packers, 9-0. Needless to say, it was a horrific sports weekend.

Perhaps the Jets were just trying to honor the holiday of Halloween by putting on ahorror show of their own on the football field. Alright, that was a stretch.

Things didn’t get much better for me later in the day. We went to a sushi restaurant for dinner, and immediately after eating I felt sick. I normally have a very solid immune system, but one of the sushi rolls I got was clearly not cooked well. Let’s just say I was in and out of the bathroom for the remainder of the night. Too much information? Probably. But the world needs to know.  Fortunately, it appeared to only be a 24-hour thing and while I didn’t feel too hot earlier in the day, I feel fine now. Food poisoning is a bitch, yo.

So it was certainly an interesting Halloween weekend, to say the least. I didn’t go trick-or-treating or even encounter any trick-or-treaters, didn’t cause any mischief or egg any houses, didn’t go to any Halloween parties, didn’t even dress up, didn’t carve a pumpkin or even watch a scary movie (unless you count watching the last 10 minutes of The Happening, but that’s more of an unintentional comedy than it is a horror film. What happened to you, M. Night Shyamalan? You started out so strong with the Sixth Sense, Signs and Unbreakable, and I even thought The Village was pretty solid despite the mixed reviews it received, but then Lady in the Water? The Happening? The Last Fucking Airbender? Are you shitting me, M. Night?! Are you even trying anymore? And what the hell is with your name? M. Night? Is that supposed to make you seem more mysterious? I think you should take a good, hard look in the mirror and really start to reassess your values, bro. Because you haven’t done anything positive in half a decade) but I did eat a Hershey bar at one point during the day, so at least I did something Halloweeney.

Next holiday: Thanksgiving. Should be very Thanksgivingy.

Halloween

Halloween is less than a week away.

I have very mixed feelings on this holiday. For one, I like observing people’s creativity when it comes to their costumes. I, for one, like to be creative with as little effort as possible.

For example, last year I was Facebook. I taped a dry erase board to my shirt and pasted the Facebook logo to the top of it. Then I wrote “David is…” and allowed people to constantly write on it throughout the night. It was a very popular costume and I received a lot of compliments. Plus it took me five minutes to make.

I also like it when girls dress slutty. I don’t need to elaborate on this.

Normally, however, I’m too lazy to create a costume. I applaud people who actually put forth the time and effort to do it. That being said, there’s nothing worse than putting a lot of time into making a costume, and then having nobody recognize who or what you are. Two years ago I tried to dress like Frodo from Lord of the Rings, and nobody knew who I was, even though I thought I did a decent job with the wardrobe (the one drawback was that I couldn’t find a wig.) Although, there was one person who did identify me as a hobbit, so that was close enough.

But, there are things I don’t like about this holiday. For one thing, any bar you go to on Halloween is going to be packed. That annoys me deeply. I remember when I was at school in Binghamton, Halloween was possibly the biggest party night of the year. Everybody went out on Halloween, and in result, the bars were too overcrowded.

Last year, I went to New York City for Halloween for the first time. Pretty big mistake. You really won’t be able to find a bar that doesn’t charge at least a $20 cover. And then there are the $8 beers. Awesome.

Although, I did have fun in New York City simply just walking around and observing the thousands of people parading the street in costumes. That was probably the best part about it. I really didn’t even need to go into a bar. The streets were packed, and the police were all standing around pretty much just ensuring that a riot didn’t break out. There were so many people around that there was just no possible way they could have kept everybody off the streets, so they didn’t even bother.

What’s also amusing is that every year, things happen in the world that warrant popular costume ideas.

For example, after the Olympics a few years ago, I saw several people dress up as Michael Phelps. After the Dark Knight came out, a lot of people were the Joker. Last year, Michael Jackson was a popular choice, etc.

What will it be this year?

I, for one, nominate this guy:

THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH.

Unfortunately, as a white, I don’t think I can pull this off. But hopefully I will see somebody over the weekend with that costume. I have to.

You know what I miss about this holiday? Trick or treating. Talk about an awesome fucking day. Wandering the neighborhood with your buddies – under parental supervision, of course! – and checking out all of the houses and the cool things that they’ve done to celebrate the holiday. Oh, and they give you candy. I used to go home and sort out all my candy before eating it. I was weird.

It’s kind of a foolish thing to do, though, when you really think about it. Who knows what weirdos live in your neighborhood… and you’re just voluntarily going up to their door? And on top of all that, you’re actually consuming whatever it is they give to you? Why, for one day a year, does our country suddenly become so trustworthy?!

Try giving candy to little kids any other day of the year, and see what type of reaction you’ll get then! Not that I would know…

Another cool thing about the holiday is all the Halloween-themed TV shows. I loved it when I was a kid, and all my favorite shows would have a scary Halloween episode. I don’t really watch many TV shows anymore, but just the knowledge that it will be happening is still cool.

I’ve never gone pumpkin picking in my life. It seems kind of effeminate, if you ask me.

And last but certainly not least… ghost stories. This Halloween, I’d totally be down for going into the middle of the woods, starting a fire, shining a flashlight and telling ghost stories, Are You Afraid of the Dark style! Who’s with me?!

Haha, remember this guy from the show:

What a nerd. I wonder what he’s doing right now? I bet he still sits outside of campfires trying to relive his glory days, muttering ghost stories to himself. While inhaling paint thinner. In the nude.

Sounds like my Friday night!

Hmm….

Oh, speaking of sitting naked around campfires, I’d like to wish a very happy birthday to Gregg!

Peace.