Saying goodbye to an (even more) turbulent year

On the eve of the new year 12 months ago, I called 2015 a turbulent year. I was so young. So innocent. So naive.

If only I knew what was coming.

It’s only normal to recap a year and realize how crazy it was. But it’s safe to say that, even in decades from now, we’ll be looking back in time and remembering how extraordinarily bonkers 2016 was.

The celebrity deaths. The terrorist attacks. This freaking presidential election. And we didn’t even get a new Taylor Swift album to ease the pain.

Damn you 2016. Damn you to hell.

But before we finally turn the page in about 48 hours from now, let’s take a few minutes and reflect on the year that was. Remember, we must closely chart history so that we never make the same mistakes again. (Hint: vote differently in 2020, America.)

So what happened this year?

Well, the year began by giving us a new villain to hate: Ethan Couch, the spoiled 16-year-old brat from Texas who stole beer, then illegally drove drunk and killed four people, never saw jail time because of a bogus “Affluenza” defense, and then two years later in early 2016, he violated parole and fled to Mexico with his mom.

Then David Bowie died.

President Obama delivered his last State of the Union, seemingly unifying America for what only lasted for about an hour. Then Sean Penn somehow managed to interview El Chapo, one of the most wanted drug lords in the world who had magically escaped prison.


Shortly after that, the Iowa caucuses began, giving us upset wins for Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders. It was the start of a Bernie frenzy that, sadly, would not last. Fortunately, Ted Cruz’s presidential hopes met the same fate.

The threat of the Zika Virus emerged in South America and parts of the U.S. Hey, it’s a lot less scary then Ebola. So if that’s the worst we got, then I’ll take it!

In early February, the most overblown non-news event of the year happened when Beyonce horrified people to their core with her statement-making Superbowl halftime performance. (If only this stayed the most serious issue of 2016.)

An unofficial eighth Harry Potter book was announced, bringing us a nice distraction.

Then Antonin Scalia died, bringing us a months-long saga to fill his seat that still has not ended.

Next, the Apple vs. FBI showdown — deriving from the FBI’s request for Apple to open a locked phone — though it ultimately ended with a whimper.

But it was all OK, because Leo finally won an Oscar!

Erin Andrews won a ton in cash in her peephole lawsuit in March, the Pope joined Instagram, and President Obama became the first sitting president to visit Cuba in more than 60 years.

Brussels was attacked by terrorists on March 22. North Carolina then began its downward descent by limiting transgender rights, a legal mess that is still ensuing today.

April brought us a Villanova championship and the Panama Papers. Oh, and Kobe Bryant retired.

The wonder over who would go on the new $20 bill ended when the U.S. Treasury picked Harriet Tubman.

Then Prince died.

Puerto Rico went into debt, Canada went on fire, and London elected a Muslim mayor.

In late May, Harambe was killed in a Cincinnati, capturing the world’s attention until…

Muhammad Ali died.

Sexual assault on college campuses was brought to the nation’s attention like never before when a Stanford student was given a light sentence for a rape that was viewed by eye witnesses.

Maria Sharapova was suspended shortly after that for using an illegal drug. it made me sad. Later in the year, the suspension was shortened significantly. And I was happy!


In mid-June, tragically, 50 people were shot to death inside of a gay nightclub in Orlando. The mass shooting reignited the gun control debate in dramatic fashion, culminating with a sit-in on the Congressional floor. 

Lebron James gave us a nice distraction by bringing a title to Cleveland. But around the same time, a Member of the U.K. Parliament was murdered, underscoring the wild tension in the country surrounding Brexit, a vote that began a populist wave across western democracies.

Terrorism continued into the late summer, with suicide bombings in Turkey killing 42 people. Police shootings in Dallas followed.

But hey, in July, there was something fun! Pokemon Go excited us for like … two weeks.

The fun didn’t last long though with more police shootings in Baton Rouge. After that, there was a terrorist attack in Nice, France.

In my opinion, August brought us the happiest time of the year on an international level — the 2016 Summer Olympics. For two weeks, we were captivated by Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, a refugee team and the idiocy of Ryan Lochte. Just writing about it makes me nostalgic.

Politics and sports continued to coincide, as Colin Kaepernick’s knee received a lot of attention.

The protest over an oil pipeline at the Standing Rock Indian reservation finally gained national attention in September, and ultimately resulted in a positive verdict for the indigenous.

Self-driving cars got here a hell of a lot sooner than we all thought.


A terrorist attack that resulted in no casualties in New York City caught the nation’s eye, especially when the government made the unique move of sending a text message alert to residents to make them aware of a suspect at large.

Those presidential debates began, which, to this very day, make me cringe until my teeth hurt.

Brangelina split; Kim Kardashian was robbed; and creepy clowns invaded America in October.

Bob Dylan won a Nobel prize, but didn’t care at all. Alec Baldwin and Saturday Night Live entertained the hell out of us. The Chicago Cubs defied the laws of nature by winning the World Series in early November.

And on Nov. 8, NOTHING HAPPENED. I REPEAT: NOTHING. If you’re reading this in the future, carry on. Nothing to see here.

Fidel Castro died in late November, making us reflect on how the leader of a small island nation had such a big impact on the world for nearly 60 years.

And that brings us to where we are now. A few more deaths followed — John Glenn, Craig Sager, Alan Thicke, George Michael, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds — and now we are two days away from this tumultuous year coming to an end.

Oh, and Russians hacked our elections.

I’m with you. 2016 sucked for the world. Can it get worse in 2017?

We will soon find out.

See y’all next year.

U.S. Congress, literally the worst people on Earth

Emotions were running high a week ago when Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died unexpectedly. We’re in the middle of a crazy election. Partisanship was fashionable, and it’s understandable that U.S. Senators would be quick to react before really thinking things through.

But now that we’ve had about 10 days to let it all sink in, and to allow emotions to cool, we could expected our elected officials to start acting rationally, right?

Oh, how silly of me. I forgot. This is America.

Mitch McConnell and other prominent Senate Republicans held firm on their promise today to not even meet with any nomination President Obama makes to the Supreme Court, putting in motion a singular level of obstructionism that our country has never seen before.

Supreme Court.jpg

Any precedent that GOP lawmakers tried to use to justify their behavior has failed dismally, as John Oliver eloquently pointed out on the recent Last Week Tonight.

At this point, they’re just making it up as they go along.

The U.S. Constitution dictates that the sitting president fills any Supreme Court vacancies, with Senate approval. It’s well within the Senate’s right to decline a nomination. It happens often. But to overtly declare before the fact that you will not even consider any nominee put forth by the president is an egregious abdication of one’s civic responsibilities.

In what other position in America is it acceptable to refuse to do your job? And not just refuse to do it — but to tell everybody beforehand that you’re not going to do it?

A job, no less, that people pick you for out of confidence that you will perform it to the best of your abilities?

The Senate has never taken longer than 125 days to vote on a president’s Supreme Court nomination. Once Obama makes his choice, it will be more than 300 days until he leaves office.

If this isn’t evidence that our government’s two-part system is broken, I don’t know what is.

It is worth noting that at least two Senate Republicans, Susan Collins of Maine and Mark Kirk of Illinois, have broken ranks from their party in saying that they would vote on a nominee. It’s a stance that will make them unpopular within the establishment, but says plenty about their character and courage. Unfortunately, there are 52 others that probably do not feel the same way.

We elect Congressmen and women to make decisions. To represent their constituency. We don’t send them to Washington on our behalf to not do their job. How pathetic must we look in the eyes of other countries when our most powerful elected officials renounce their responsibilities?

I can’t speak for any one else, but obviously, this pisses me off. And if I lived in a state in which its Senator decided not to do their own job, then I sure as hell would not vote for them again.

If a Democrat wins the presidency and Republicans maintain the Senate, would they hold off on confirming a nominee for four more years? Eight years, even?

Honestly, nothing would surprise me anymore.

The Weinblog’s suggested New Year’s resolutions

It’s January 4th, meaning most of you have probably already failed to follow through on your New Year’s resolution.

But need not worry. Trying to decide on a realistic New Year’s resolution is like dropping a cookie on the floor for three seconds and still eating it.

You failed in your task, but it happened so fast you hope no one noticed, and you start anew.

In fact, let me simplify it for you and make a list of 10 possible New Year’s resolutions for 2016.

2016-Resolutions.jpgToo often, people aim to better themselves with their New Year’s goals. But in my opinion, that is only setting yourself up for disappointment.

Because for one, it implies that there’s something wrong with you. And then, when you don’t achieve it, you consider yourself a failure.

Why can’t New Year’s resolutions simply be more mundane, extracurricular activities that just offer something creative for you to engage in? It doesn’t have to be anything inspiring.

And most of all, let them be extremely random. Let me give you a few examples.

Go the entire year without saying “bae.”

I’ll let you say it once. Because once you read it, you feel the urge to say it aloud. Fine, one more time. But that’s it. You’re done for 2016.

Watch three minutes of the NBC show “Telenovela.”

It doesn’t deserve any more of your time than that.

Just decide that you are the fifth member of One Direction.

Don’t even tell any one about it or even attempt to ask the band if it’s OK. Just know that it’s the truth and act accordingly.

Open a Tinder conversation by reciting “Hotline Bling” in Haiku form.

I know when that hot
line bling. It can only mean
one thing. I know when.

View 26 Taylor Swift music videos in a single day.

And by doing so, you  can officially christen the word “Taylorthon.” This concept is also known to me as Sunday.

Tell somebody you wholeheartedly support the Iran nuclear agreement, and when they ask why, say “Just because” and then moonwalk away.

You’ll have won any political argument before it’s even begun.

Come November, write in Pepe Le Pew as your vote for president. Pepe Le Pew.jpg

Let’s face it, he’d do as good of a job as any one else running, even if he is a stinky candidate.

Write a 40,000-word missive declaring your fondness for Benedict Cumberbatch, and then submit it to your local newspaper for publication.

Trust me, as a former journalist, they will enjoy it.

Start a Reddit discussion asking people who they believe is the better lyricist: Pharrell Williams or Bob Dylan?

It’s a near guarantee to incite a lively debate and not anger any music fans at all.

Lose 15 pounds

LMAO. I’m just kidding on this one. Let’s not be silly.

Saying goodbye to a turbulent year

In many ways, 2015 was a mess. As the final hours of the year tick down, we are left with a very divided political landscape, severe racial unrest, and the lingering fear that ISIS is going to show up on our doorstep.

But amid the uneasiness throughout the last 12 months, we forget that a lot of good happened, too. Don’t forget that this was the year that the Supreme Court ruled that same sex couples deserve equal treatment for marriage under the law.

However, what I like to think about at year’s end is the cultural items that caught the fascination of most Americans. And in that regard, there were aplenty.

Tom Brady defaltegateOne of the biggest ones earlier this year was the controversy surrounding whether New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady used deflated footballs to gain a competitive edge during the NFL playoffs last year.

The pretty boy quarterback, adorned in a wintry snow cap, was forced to defend himself in a highly publicized press conference after the accusations were made. He won the Super Bowl about a week later.

After brief excitement following a Saved by the Bell reunion on the Tonight Show in February, the world was saved from the cumbersome task of having to think about net neutrality by the emergence of a dress.

Ten months later, I still think it’s white and gold. Dressgate

But that wasn’t before Brian Williams decided to lie his face off about his experience in the 2003 Iraq War, which landed him a suspension and then a demotion from NBC’s Nightly News to MSNBC.

He was just one iconic television personality to disappear from the air waves this year, joined by perennial funnymen Jon Stewart and David Letterman, who said goodbye, respectively, from the shows that they each built and groomed. And with their departures, America lost a major degree of honesty, humor and sincerity on television that is becoming harder to come by in today’s growing politically correct world.

Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams were discredited for their work on the 2013 hit “Blurred Lines,” the Secret Service continued to embarrass itself, a serial killer made the questionable decision of allowing himself to be the subject of an HBO documentary, and Starbucks tried to single-handedly solve race relations across the world.

And we’re not even up to April yet!

It was a tough year for One Direction fans, as Zayn Malik decided it was time to call it quits.

But it was a good year for Amanda Knox fans, as she was acquitted for murder by Italy’s highest court, ending an eight-year courtroom saga.

Johnny Depp was forced to extradite his dogs from Australia in May after government officials threatened to kill them if he didn’t. Yup, that was a real story.

Bruce Jenner became Caitlin Jenner. FIFA was finally exposed for its decades of corruption.

And then this summer brought us people to hate — Rachel Dolezal. Walter Palmer. Martin Shkreli. Jared Fogle. Bill Cosby.

An upstate New York prison escape enthralled us in June, which, predictably, did not end well for the escaped prisoners. The lesson, kids? womens world cupDo’t wind up in prison. But if you do, just stay there.

Besides the legalization of gay marriage, the next most uniting American event was probably the U.S. Women’s team capturing the World Cup in dominant fashion. And they were promptly and deservedly celebrated with the first ever ticker tape parade for a women’s team in New York City.

A pretend political candidate named Deez Nuts brought some levity in August into what has otherwise been a highly depressing and uninspiring 2016 presidential campaign. A bigoted Kentucky clerk was jailed for failing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. And a Muslim boy was arrested for building a clock.

Playboy decided to stop showing nude photos, Belgians embraced cat memes, Mark Zuckerberg said he’s going to give away all his money to good causes, oh, and almost 200 nations came to a historic climate change accord that may potentially save our planet.

Steve HarveyAnd motherfucking Steve Harvey. God bless that man. We needed a high note to end the year on. And he delivered.

Yes, there was a lot of bad stuff too. An ongoing Syrian Civil War resulting in an unprecedented migration crisis. Perpetual mass shootings. A German pilot killing hundreds by flying a plane into a mountain. Two journalists killed live on television. Ebola ravaging western Africa. The Paris attacks. San Bernardino. And Donald Trump’s divisive rhetoric.

But with the year winding down, maybe it will help us all to focus on the good. The world united many times in the face of tragedy, and we showed that we are stronger people when we come together.

2015 wasn’t always bright, but it brought a lot of laughs and plenty of pop culture memes that will last us a lifetime.

And through thick and thin, it brought us hope that 2016 may not be so bad.

I’ll see y’all next year.

Continuing to make life interesting

I’ll never be one to say that New Year’s is overrated.

It’s a significant time. Not only do you literally flip the calendar, but it offers us the opportunity to reflect on the past 12 months, and how much our life really changed, if at all, during them.

Did our careers progress? Did we find love? Did we do something new or go somewhere we’ve never been before?

Or did we do nothing, and realize that we wasted another year?

The beauty of aging is that the older we get, the more we come to appreciate the true significance of time. When 2015you’re 20 years old, and you think of something you want to do, you can shrug it off and say, “Eh, I’ll do it later in life.”

But when you’re 27, and think that same thing, you realize that if you’re not going to do it now, then when will you? Now is the time to embrace life. Not tomorrow. Now.

I realized that this year, and because of it, I had a heck of a 2014. I entered another continent for the first time. I basically spent my summer musical festival hopping. I eat Indian food now. And I’m excited to try new experiences in 2015.

New Year’s is obviously the time when you think about these things. Since I had a good year, I am viewing New Year’s Day 2015 very positively. People who didn’t have such a good year might view it otherwise.

Another thing about aging is that you put less stock into what you do to celebrate New Year’s. In the past, it was important to make plans well in advance. You had the energy to do it, so why not embrace it?

Now, I realize that every one around me basically had the same attitude about the coming holiday, which was bordering on feigned indifference. We pretend that we don’t care. And we really don’t, actually, until Dec. 28 rollsblowing-party-horn1 around, and the prospect of doing nothing for New Year’s becomes a frightening possibility.

I say that I’m not alone in this fear because, in the past two days alone, I’ve been invited to not one, not two, but three “last-minute New Year’s parties.” Meaning, they were conceived in the last 48 hours.

Never before had I even been invited to one such belatedly produced celebration. This year — three. Clearly, not a single person I am friends with actually made plans in advance. And what’s the similarity between all the people that I am friends with? They’re all in their late 20s.

Is this a lesson that, come future Decembers, means more planning should be done in advance? No. I don’t think so. This is what we do now.

Hey, we may not be partying until 4 or 5 a.m. on New Year’s Eve like the 21- and 22-year-olds, but, us late 20-somethings will have a hell of a lot more interesting things to talk about when we unite to ring in the New Year.

And we can only hope that, come future years, we continue to make life interesting.

Why do girls cut their hair short?

Before I begin, let me just say that I have not the slightest desire to even attempt to learn what “fiscal cliff” means. Normally when something is extremely relevant, and is being highlighted by news media outlets, I have some sort of yearning to learn about it.

But I just hear the words fiscal cliff, and it’s so dull that it makes me actually want to jump off of a cliff. I literally have no idea what it means. If I were to try to explain it to somebody, I would be as informative as Bradley Whitford was in Billy Madison attempting to answer the question about business ethics at the end of the movie. I would also probably pull out a gun just like he does.

However, our economy appears to hinge on our government settling this fiscal cliff dilemma.

My response?

Honey badger

Moving on.

Alright, so today I want to talk about a new topic — females.

I am a pretty shallow person in the sense that I make immediate judgments on girls based on their physical appearance. But in my opinion, that doesn’t make me shallow. It makes me human. I don’t write anybody off as bad people based on their physical appearance — I just make an instinctual and rapid decision as to whether I am physically attracted to this person. Everyone does.

Upon locking eyes on a female, whether it’s at a bar, at the mall, through my binoculars, etc., there are a few things that I will take notice upon. Some of them are obvious. But in that one or two-second glance, I will examine the girl’s body type, her face, her height, and her hair, among other things.

To me, hair is an underrated feature on a girl. It’s usually not make-or-break, but it’s important. I’ve never looked at a girl and decided I was in love with her because of her hairstyle. But on the flip side, I have dismissed girls because of it.

I personally enjoy when girls have long hair. Like, really long. To me there is no limit at all. I think it’s sexy. Even when I see an illustration of Rapunzel, it manages to turn me on.

The princess in the movie Tangled? Holy shit.


Grade-A babe. And the fact that she was voiced by Mandy Moore only makes it that much better.

Okay, but to give a real-life example that wouldn’t incriminate me, this is more of what I am talking about:

Anna Kournikova arrives at "Runway For Life" Benefiting St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

Her hair is so long that it doesn’t even fit the entire image. That is awesome to me.

It is not as socially admissible for men to have long hair. Some do, but to me, it’s not normal. Guys should have short hair and girls should have long hair.

So if you’re a girl, and you’re expected to have long hair — then why the hell not take advantage? If you’re allowed to have hair go down to your waist, then you should absolutely go for it. Why waste the opportunity?

I’ll definitely admit that long hair doesn’t suit all girls. There are plenty of examples of girls who look better with shoulder-length hair. I think that can be perfectly sexy as well if it suits them.

Here is an example of that:

Emily Blunt2

This hairdo is perfectly fine in my book. If Emily Blunt happened to stroll up to me at a bar and said, “Hey dude, you’re pretty cute. Let’s make out,” then I would not prevent that from happening. That is something I would be okay with.

So again, while I prefer girls with longer hair, I have no problem with shoulder-length hair either. It varies per person, and I assume that each girls know what hairstyle suits them better than I do.

But not all of them.

And now we’re delving into the purpose of today’s blog. This past year was an interesting one for female celebrity haircuts, to say the least. For whatever reason unbeknownst to me, every female in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to cut their hair to look like a 14-year-old boy.

I really just don’t get it.

Female celebrities have suddenly become plagued with this notion that short hair looks good. At first it was one or two people who were doing it, but then it spread. Like a flu. But worse. Much worse.

Here are some examples of this travesty:

2012 New York City Ballet Fall Galarihanna short hairEmma Watson short hairCarey Mulligan short hair

It actually pains me to see Anne Hathaway with short hair. It physically hurts my soul.

Let me try and put into words just how much I despise this hairstyle: If I were to come across Anne Hathaway while I was at a bar  — and I had absolutely no idea who she was — I would dismiss her. I would see the haircut, think, “Ehh, not interested,” and I would just be polite and talk to her and not listen while I’m surveying the rest of the bar for normal-looking long-haired chicks.

And then, of course, when she gets to the part that she’s a millionaire Hollywood actress, I would still be not listening and I would miss a golden opportunity to ride her coattails to fame. But that’s besides the point.

This haircut is appalling. It takes a girl’s attractiveness down mightily, and, again, it makes them look like a little boy. Jerry Sandusky may approve, but I do not.

By the way, I just know that one day I’m going to drunkenly mock a girl who has short hair, only to find out that she is undergoing chemotherapy. You know that’s going to happen because that is something that would happen to me.

But anyway, the other facet of this that I haven’t touched on yet is that I am fairly certain my opinion is universal. I have absolute confidence in saying that most men feel the same way I do. If you were to take a survey of all the guys in the world, and ask them what they think of this hairstyle, I believe that 3 out of 4 would say that this hairstyle doesn’t really suit them on girls.

So why do it? Why? Girls — listen to me. I’m a guy. I’m telling you that this hairstyle is unappealing. Stick to the long hair. You have the God-given right to grow lengthy, beautiful hair to style any way you wish. Don’t let that opportunity go by the wayside.

I, for one, desperately hope that this is a trend that does not carry over into 2013.

Speaking of which, we are just two days away from the new year. To me, New Years is very anticlimactic. By the time early December rolls around, people begin talking so much about New Years that it feels like its been 2013 for a few weeks already. In fact, I’m already so used to 2013 that at midnight on New Years Eve, I’ll probably drunkenly think that it just turned 2014.

But, the changing of the calendar does indeed give us a faux reason to gather with our friends to celebrate. I mentioned yesterday that I am celebrating the occasion with friends in Atlantic City — though I did say it at the end of the blog, so you probably didn’t read that far. In fact you probably aren’t even reading this right now.

If you are though, I hope you all have a happy new year. By the way, something I completely avoided mentioning was that December 18 officially marked the 3-year anniversary of the creation of the Weinblog. Three frickin’ years! Who would of thought that I’d stay sane long enough to consistently do this?

The milestone can be looked at in several different ways. Anniversaries tend to be successful and celebratory occasions, but for blogs, it’s kind of depressing if you think about it. Because it’s not necessarily indicative of success, but more so of endurance. I suppose it is an achievement that I’ve actually stuck with something for three years. Sticking with anything for that long is something to be proud of. Except drugs.

But it’s also a marker of the fact that I’ve accomplished very little in my non-blog life. No offense to you guys, but if I ever become rich and famous and successful, I think it’s safe to say I would stop blogging.

So, this milestone means that since December 18, 2009, I have not become famous, I have not become successful or rich, and instead, I’ve been stuck with you folks for the better part of three years.

And I am perfectly content with that.

Happy New Year!

I’ve already accomplished my New Years resolution

Happy New Year everyone. Including you, the random person who happens to be reading this blog for the first time ever. Especially you.

In my own opinion (as if anything else mattered on this blog), New Years is very anticlimactic. The excitement leading up to New Years stems from the anticipation and unknowing of what the next year will bring. Twelve months lie ahead of you, and a lot can happen over that time. Hopefully a lot of good things. It’s a very exciting prospect.

And then three days pass, and you realize that everything is exactly the same as it was before New Years, and before the previous New Years, and before the previous New Years before that, and you feel kind of let down.

Me, however? I feel fine. I don’t expect things to magically become different in my life just because the year is different. I’m aware that if anything has to change in my life, then I am the one who has to make it happen, regardless of whether it is 2011 or 2012 or 2047.

And that is why I don’t even bother making extravagant New Years resolutions. I already know what I wish to accomplish. I don’t need to declare it the day before New Years for it to have any extra significance.

I don’t have anything against making ambitious New Years resolutions, but I just think it’s funny when I hear other people make their own.

First of all, most New Years resolutions are drastic things like “get a new job,” or “move out of my parents’ house,” or “start working out,” are things that you can do immediately. Why do you need to give yourself an entire year to do them? If you were really that motivated towards changing careers, then start looking up jobs, send out inquiries and schedule some interviews. It can be done within a couple of days.

However, the typical human being will just say, “Eh, I just want to get a job sometime later in the year. It doesn’t have to be now.”

And that just makes a New Years resolution an extended form of procrastination. You’ve been putting it off for a while now, and now you’re going to just put it off for another 12 months.

I also find it humorous when people say they wish to change their attitude as their New Years resolution. Such things as “be nicer to people,” “become more charitable,” or “appreciate life more.”

For starters, you’re been one way your entire life. If you’re arrogant, patronizing or mean, you’re not just going to change at the drop of a hat. Sorry, but it’s not going to happen. I suppose being aware of it is a start, but why do you even need it to be a New Years resolution? Shouldn’t that be something you work on at all times?

Also, I’m not going to make that my New Years resolution if I already am those things. I already know the importance of being nice to people, of caring about other’s feelings, and appreciating the value of each and every day. I know that. So while some people become impressed by such a resolution, I don’t. My response would be, “Uhh, how the hell were you living your life before this if you’re just realizing those things now?”

I make my New Years resolution something that is easily attainable. In fact, I have already accomplished my resolutions, just three days into the New Year.

My first resolution was to switch gyms. Not join a gym, but switch. I have belonged to the same gym for a year and a half, but I hate it. It’s too far away, uncleanly, unwelcoming, full of guidos, and the parking situation is terrible.

A different gym exists closer to me, and while it is a tad bit more expensive, it is much cleaner, nicer, and most importantly, has a massive parking lot right behind it.

I joined the gym two hours ago. New Years resolution met.

My second resolution was to start an entertainment blog. As an avid film watcher and music listener, I’ve always desired an outlet to express my thoughts following each viewing and/or listen. To me, the best part about watching a movie is being able to discuss it after. Although my cat is a good listener, it really doesn’t equate to talking to other actual human beings.

Additionally, I voiced the idea with friends who also share the same musical and cinematic enthusiasm , and they seemed interested as well. Thus, unlike this blog, this one will not be a solo venture.

Well, half an hour ago, I created the domain name. I’ll reveal it soon, since there is nothing there yet.

Those are two things I have wanted to do for a good month or two, and was putting them off. So I actually used my newfound motivation that 2012 brought, and accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish, as opposed to making an unattainable resolution and allowing any motivation to go to waste.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll make a new resolution that I can accomplish before the day is done. Perhaps I’ll try to make 365 New Years resolutions, and accomplish them all. Perhaps that could also be the concept for a good movie I can write one day. I should remember that one.

So my advice to everyone is not to shoot for the moon when you make your New Years resolutions. And I know that whole “shoot for the moon, and if you miss, you’ll hit a star” bullshit. But forget that. If you really try to shoot for the moon, your arrow will hit its peak height, come straight back down, and impale you in the face. Is that what you want?

It’s good to have goals, but try to decipher what you can actually accomplish within a 12-month span, and go with that. As for me, I’ve done what I’ve come here to do, and my 2012 is set.

2011: not so bad

2011 will be over in three days. In those three days, you will hear precisely seven people say, “I can’t believe 2011 is ending! It feels like it just started!” It did just start. Twelve months ago.

2012 will commence, and then you’ll hear a whole bunch of annoying people beginning to discuss how the apocalypse is coming, and that 2012 is the final year of the human race. While I will give conspiracy theorists and doomsday fans credit that the completion of the Mayan calendar is a little bit more convincing than a senile radio host predicting the end of the world, I will also take this moment to dispel any notion that the end is near.

Any prediction you have heard, and will hear, is bullshit. The world is not ending. It will continue, for years, and decades, centuries and millenniums, and you will all be miserable. There.

When I write my first blog, sometime in the first few days of 2012, it will mark the fourth different year that I have blogged in. I began this ill-advised endeavor on December 18, 2009, and I have not looked back since. Blogging has officially become part of my day. The new inevitabilities of my life are death, taxes and the Weinblog. They are all equally disappointing.

As you all know, I really started this blog just for fun and to appeal to people who already know who I am and what my sense of humor is like. I’m not really catering to people who don’t know me, and I just assume that if you keep reading, you will latch on to my particular sense of humor.

That being said, I always find it funny when I get a random comment from someone who tries to insult me. Freedom of speech may exist, but not here. I used to think that the best way to go about the harsh comments was to simply “trash” them, but I realized yesterday that I can actually edit comments.

Therefore, if you say something nasty to me, not only I will I edit your comment, but I will make it say the exact opposite of what you said, and then I will approve it. And there’s nothing that anybody can do about it. I’ve already started, and I can think of any other way to combat the dumb idiots who actually take time out of their day to respond to my blogs in a rude way. They’re rare, but they do happen. I also hope you all die.

So, anyway, 2011. Not so bad.

2009 was a shitshow at times, 2010 was half good and half bad, but 2011 was pretty consistently good. Not too many bad things happened, with the exception of last week. I know that monotony is not always the best of things, but it is tolerable when you actually enjoy the things that you do on a day-to-day basis. Do I hope to shake things up sometime down the road? Definitely. But not now.

Therefore, I declare 2011 a success. It was stable. Nothing overly exciting happened in my life, but nothing overly bad, either.

Oh, and another thing, On Christmas, I got a new kitten!

His name is Marbles, he is 10 weeks old, he is adorable and I love him. So that made my Christmas pretty splendid.

And now New Years is upon us. Ah, the most overrated holiday of the year. The year where everyone has to go out, try to plan things, and inevitably tell their friends about some special deal that they discovered – “Yo guys, this bar in [awful city] called [awful bar] is having special [awful deal] during New Years! We have to do it!”

Guess what? 100 other people thought the same thing. Your night is going to suck.

I am playing the holiday smart. I am going upstate with friends, and laying low, and getting drunk in the middle of nowhere with people who I actually like. That’s all I need: My friends, alcohol, warmth and Ryan Seacrest telling me how close we are to New Years.

Speaking of which, I never can get enough of how awkward it becomes upon the final minutes of New Years. The entire time, I’m just thinking, “Let’s get this shit over with, so I can move on with my freaking life.”

Or more specifically I am thinking…

11:55: Okay, five minutes away. Is it an awkward time to go to the bathroom? I could probably make it back with a few minutes to spare, right? Eh, screw it. I can wait five minutes. Wow, is that Jordin Sparks on TV right now? When the hell did she get so hot? What season of American Idol did she win again? Was it season seven? And what the hell happened to Taylor Hicks?

11:56: Damn it, I’m at that awkward part of the beer where there’s a tiny bit left, but it’s a little warm so I don’t want to drink it, but there’s enough left that I don’t want to waste it. Oh God. I hate this situation. Would this qualify as white people problems? I’ll just close my eyes and chug it down. Okay here it goes. Man, that was nasty. But at least I can get a beer now. Oh great, here’s that douchebag that comes around every year trying to get people to drink champagne at midnight…

11:57: I really should have went to the bathroom. My bladder seriously sucks now. When you get to the age where you wake up at least once a night to pee, you know you’re in trouble. It’s all downhill from there. Wait, isn’t that a song? It’s all downhill from there? Oh no, that’s “All Downhill From Here” by New found Glory. Plus I think the song is called something different. Catalyst, I think? Sounds right. I miss 90s music.

11:58: Oh wow, only two minutes left. This is getting real! Then we can all celebrate and join hands and sing “Auld Lang Syne” together. What the hell is that song actually about, anyway? Man, I really have to pee. I wonder if I can make a quick run and be back before New years. That would be pretty embarrassing though, to tell people I spent New Years in a bathroom. Unless I was getting laid at the time. That would be a great story. Man, I want to fuck Jordin Sparks.

11:59: Oh God, one minute away! People are counting now. Counting down from 60? Really? Seriously, this is happening? Oh man, all of the couples are starting to hold hands now, this is sickening. I have to pretend like I don’t notice. So I’ll just stare at the TV like a jackass and pretend like I actually give a crap about this countdown right now. Okay, 30 seconds away. The ball is dropping. That’s what she said. Haha, good one. 15 seconds. I wonder if James Cameron is actually working on Avatar 2 at this moment? I hope so. Five seconds, so close! Four seconds, three, two, one…


12:01: Okay, are we done now? Can I go pee?

And that is how the New Year happens.

Alright everyone. Be safe, have fun, and try not to spend too much money on some shitty deal that your friend found online. I will be out of town for the next few days, and will return in the new year, where I will continue, as always, to spit the truth.

It’s all I know.

Interesting Way to Start the Year…

Well folks, it is a new year.

2011 is officially upon us. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to blog yesterday on 1/1/11. Had I did blog, I probably would have… ended up saying exactly what I’m going to say today. Which certainly will be nothing intelligent.

As I said in my previous entry, I spent my New Years in Atlantic City. I had a wonderful time. Good times and good drinks with good people. That’s all you need to know. Didn’t lose too much money. And I’m still alive. So, all in all, it was great. But enough about me.

No, actually, let’s stay on me.

Something extremely fascinating and frightening happened to me last night. While at a friend’s house, I suddenly realized that my right middle finger had a cut on it. initially, it looked harmless, but upon closer inspection, I realized that the red mark that I assumed was blood  was inside of my finger. In addition, there was yellow surrounding the cut.

I was immediately concerned. The concern turned into panic when I noticed that the yellow was spreading right before my eyes throughout my entire finger. I watched as it spread from the fingertip towards the knuckle, and fortunately, it stopped there.

However, it was still extremely disconcerting as nearly my entire finger had turned a bright shade of yellow. My finger looked like it belonged to Bart Simpson.

It has been 24 hours since, and the discoloring has subsided, which is a huge relief.

In conclusion, it seemed that my finger was bleeding internally. It was simply just bruised. But, It was very odd for several reasons. For one, I have no recollection of injuring my finger at any point in recent memory. I have no prior history of vascular problems. Also, I experienced no pain during this entire ordeal. My finger felt completely normal, despite the discoloring. It was a very bizarre situation.

There probably aren’t many people who are interested to know what my finger actually looked like. But just in case there is one person out there, you are in luck! I have a photograph:


As I already said, my finger is completely back to normal now. However, it was still very concerning and not exactly the way you want to start the new year. Although I did see the movie “The Fighter” after this occurred yesterday, and that was great. I highly recommend you see it.

Perhaps I gave somebody the middle finger one time and they did not appreciate it, and in result, uttered a curse wishing ill health upon my finger. It is definitely a possibility. That brings the possible diagnosis list to:

1) bruising as a result of blunt-forced trauma

2) popped blood vessel

3) spider bite

4) adverse reaction to medication

5) witchcraft

All very possible and realistic scenarios.

Fortunately, when it’s all said and done, it looks like I’ll be okay. It would be quite difficult to continue this blog with a missing finger. Or if I’m dead. So I will try my best to not let those things happen.

And with that, the holidays are officially over. It’s a little depressing, as the winter holidays are arguably my favorite time of the year. However, I feel like I spent my time well this holiday season. Now, we can all look forward to the prospect of a new year, and the fresh opportunities that will come with it. Who knows what 2011 has in store for us?

Oh yeah, I just remembered something. While in A.C, I think I discovered the best pick-up line ever. While passing two attractive girls in the hallway, I said aloud, “wanna fuck?” (at the time I thought I said it low enough so they couldn’t actually hear…) However, one of the girls immediately responded, “Yup.”

I was caught so off guard considering that: a) I didn’t think she heard me, and b) even if I did think she heard, the last answer I expected to hear was yes.

Consequently, I continued my stroll and didn’t pursue.


The girl was probably joking, but in the slight chance that she wasn’t, it would’ve been the least effort I ever put forth towards picking up a girl, and it would have been the greatest story of all time. However, good may still come out of it, as I may have had a breakthrough when it comes to the art of courting women.

One can only hope that all women respond the same way.

Happy New Year, Kids!


Believe it or not, but the one-year anniversary of the Weinblog came and went on the 18th, and I didn’t say a word about it.I suppose it is noteworthy, but didn’t feel like it warranted any type of celebration. But it’s pretty remarkable that it has been over a year already.

We started in 2009, and the next blog after this will occur in 2011. Yep, I can count.

2010 was a pretty great year for me. It started out kind of shitty, but got progressively better through out the year, and I expect big things in 2011.

This will be my last blog for the year, because tomorrow afternoon I am heading to Atlantic City (…again) to party with a bunch of friends. It should be an amazing time, and I fully expect to spend tons and tons of money. Bottles services and hoes ain’t cheap, yo.

Atlantic City checklist:

Wad of 20s? Check

Bottle of Jack Daniels? Check

Haircut? Check

Nice clothes? Check

Condoms? Shit, knew I forgot something.

But seriously, I hope that everybody has a healthy and happy new years, and you can bet your ass that the Weinblog will come back strong in 2011, and the year after that, and the year after that.

Oh and how overrated is the actual moment of New Years? Honestly, that is my least favorite time of the night. This year, I hope that I’m so drunk that I won’t even be able to process that it is midnight on New Years.

This is the normal process for me as the year winds down:

11:55: Oh man, five minutes until the New Year! Look at all these assholes standing around me. I don’t like any of them. I want to kick somebody in the shin.You know what’s a good movie? Good Will Hunting.

11:56: If I were to text somebody on the west coast telling them that the New Year happened, would I be spoiling it for them? Shit, I just finished my drink. Do I go and get myself a new one and risk missing New Years? This is my worst nightmare.

11:57: You know what game I never understood? Parcheesi. Is it a board game? A dice game? I just don’t get it. Woah, I think I have to throw up. Oh no. Hold I t in. Don’t let it happen.

11:58: Okay, I think I’m good now. I wonder what Mark Zuckerberg is doing for New Years? He’s made more money in the past five minutes than I have in my entire life. Oh shit, it’s almost New Years. Focus, David. I need to find a girl to kiss. Let’s see.. how about this one? Ew, no, she has a mole.

11:59: One more minute! Oh great, everybody’s starting to count now. I’m going to start a USA chant and see where it goes. USA! USA! USA! No? Oh well, worth a shot. Hey, 10 seconds away! I have to pee. 5 seconds. 4…3…2..1…

12:00: JKFE648^&(o9^^^$Yhj~!]{{kbchjcnvsdJKFYWOOPAAAAHJJJB!!!!!! THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!!

12:01: *Throws up*

Happy New Years, everyone! Just remember, don’t make any resolutions, don’t have any date nights, and don’t say any things like “yo brah,” and everything will be alright.

And an extra special Happy New years to all my closest friends out there. You know who you are… Taylor Swift, Anne Hathaway, Mark Zuckerberg, Maria Sharapova, Justin Bieber, Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. MY CREW.