Now that Christmas is over, it’s time to ask — are we real?

364 days until the next Christmas. But who’s counting?

The holiday season is all but over, but there is still a lingering seasonal cheer that will remain present for another week or so. So we will all have to bear with the optimistic, happy-go-lucky Facebook posts for a few more days until everyone returns back to their miserable selves.

But why wait until then? Why not squash that holiday cheer while I have the ability? I have a blog, after all, and that’s what blogs are for — demolishing everybody’s hopes and dreams. Including my own.

Allow me to pose a question to you all. During times when you weren’t being influenced by marijuana, have you ever taken a step back and thought about your existence? Have you ever pondered whether everything around us is real, or if it is all a computer simulation?

Well, I haven’t either. At least not until recently, when I read this article. In 2003, Oxford physicist Nick Bostrom — who is a hell of a lot smarter than you and I will ever be — published a paper, and came to this conclusion:

“We are almost certainly living in a computer simulation.”

Now let’s take a step back before we carry on any further. This physicist didn’t just propose the idea that we may be living inside of a simulation, nor did he even say that we are maybe living inside of a computer simulation. He said we are almost certainly living inside of a computer simulation.

As in, he is positive.

We’ve all seen the Matrix. We’ve at least wondered at some point if it was conceivable. But then we snap out of it after a few seconds and realize that there are much more important things to worry about. And we don’t think about it ever again.

But now there is a team of researchers who are spending their time attempting to actually prove it. Using science.

Woah.

To be honest, it may seem crazy. But to me, their rationale is actually pretty sensible to me. Just think about it — we’d be extremely naive to think that our existence is the only one in the universe. It would be one of the most naive thoughts imaginable.

So if there are other worlds, then whose to say that they’re not far more technologically advanced than we are? Maybe they’re lightyears ahead of us in that field. And if that’s the case, then why can’t they create existences within a computer. And why can’t it be us?

At the end of the day, none of this really matters though. Even if we are in a computer, how will that affect us? It’s still our reality, real or not.

Also, the article states that scientists are attempting to prove this on an extremely small scale. They will create a model that is the size of a nucleus of an atom, and test to see if the energy of their model matches the energy in our universe. Essentially, even if they prove themselves “right,” it doesn’t seem like it’ll be enough evidence to convince the masses.

And it is pretty hilarious that they are actually devoting time and money to do this. While it is an interesting and thought-provoking subject, it’s probably not one worth pursuing. At least not right now. And if we are in a computer, I’d probably rather not know about it.

Although, if somebody like Kim Kardashian can be deleted with a simple push of the backspace button, than I actually am all for it.

So go back to enjoying your holidays, and humming Christmas carols and starting at your decorated Christmas tree. Keep doing all of that stuff.

But if I just instilled even the slightest semblance of doubt in your mind that we may not actually exist, then it was all worth it.

Happy holidays!

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“That ship has sailed.”

There’s an age-old expression that goes, “That ship has sailed.” You’ve all heard it and you’ve all probably used it. But what does it actually mean? You’ve known the phrase since you were a child, but never really thought about it. Personally, I think it’s something that you only begin to understand as you get older.

In a literal sense, it means that the boat has taken off, and even if you wanted to catch it, you couldn’t. Because it’s already gone.

In a metaphorical sense, the phrase refers to missed opportunities. Or, it could also refer to something that you once had, but is now long gone. It has to be there in the first place to be able to sail away.

For example, your childhood. If you want to rekindle some aspects of your childhood, like your youthful exuberance, or your excess amount of energy, you couldn’t, because you’re not a child anymore. It’s over, and thus, that ship has sailed. It once was there, but not anymore.

Life is pretty long. Over the course of many, many years, a lot of things will change. Things will come and things will go. One day, you might feel one thing, another day, you’ll feel something else.

It’s almost sad when you wake up one day, and realize that something you used to care about deeply, suddenly doesn’t really matter to you anymore. It no longer stirs the emotions that it once did. In some respects, it could be a good thing. Maybe it was something you needed to get over. On the other hand, it could also be disappointing to know that you care about one less thing in this world.

I personally like the phrase because it’s very appropriate to many facets in life.

When the ship has sailed away, it’s long gone. It’s thousands of miles away floating somewhere in the sea, and it’s impossible to get to.

Whereas when you just know that feeling you once had is long gone, you also know it’s never coming back. No matter how hard you try. Maybe it was somebody’s fault, and maybe it was your own, or maybe it was just a matter of time.

I’m almost surprised that this phrase has never serves as the climactic quote of a dramatic romantic film. Picture the scene:

A really nice guy is in love with an absolutely beautiful girl. She’s a nice person herself, but she’s had an easy road in life because of her beauty, and every other man in the world thinks she is equally as beautiful.

The really nice guy asks the beautiful girl out dozens of times over the course of several years, but gets rejected every time. However, he stays optimistic, and is certain in his own naive way that the two will end up together.

Meanwhile, the beautiful girl dates asshole after asshole, choosing looks over personality, and continually gets used and mistreated. Finally, after being broken up with by another asshole, the really nice guy makes one more final attempt to ask her out. Not only does she reject him, but she becomes irate with him. She takes out all of her anger of all those assholes onto the really nice guy, and she embarrasses him and humiliates him, telling her to leave her alone, once and for all.

The really nice guy is devastated. His world is shaken, and for the first time in his life, he doesn’t believe that the beautiful girl is the one for him. What began as the final rejection, turns into the first day he begins to get over her.

Flash forward six months later. Finally putting the beautiful girl behind him, the really nice guy meets a girl. She’s decent looking, definitely not beautiful, but most importantly, she treats him well. He’s fairly happy, but deep down, he knows that something is still missing in this relationship.

One day, the really nice guy and his average-looking girlfriend run into the beautiful girl and her latest asshole boyfriend at a party. The beautiful girl sees the really nice guy with his girlfriend, and becomes kind of jealous, although she has no idea why. She flirts with him, but to her surprise, he reacts indifferently and wants none of it.

In the coming weeks, the beautiful girl thinks back to all the good times she had with the really nice guy while they were friends. She remembers the good memories, all the laughs, and all of the times he was there for her when she needed some one. With those thoughts, she comes to the sudden realization that she truly loves the really nice guy. She’s always loved him, but she never realized. So she approaches him and she says so.

“I love you,” says the beautiful girl. “I always have. I’m sorry I’ve treated you so poorly.” She kisses him. It’s a quick kiss, and the really nice guy lets her do it for a moment, but then pulls away.

“Listen, beautiful girl,” he says. “I’m sorry. I used to love you. More than anything. But I don’t anymore. That ship has sailed.” And then he walks away.

A montage with upsetting music plays and shows the beautiful girl in a state of sadness, crying while looking out the window. On the same night, the really nice guy is with his average looking girlfriend. She’s talking to him, but he’s not listening to a word. Instead, he’s staring off into the distance, thinking about the beautiful girl.

Two weeks later, the beautiful girl comes up with a plan that shows that she would go through extraordinary lengths to win back the really nice guy. She gets her friends in on it, maybe even some of the really nice guy’s friends, and implements the plan. It doesn’t matter what the plan is, but the point is, it shows how genuine her love truly is for him.

It all culminates in one final scene, in the rain, where the beautiful girl is standing face-to-face with the really nice guy.

“Why are you doing this?” says the really nice guy. “After all these years, why now? I’m with my average-looking girlfriend now. I’m happy! I don’t need you!”

“Are you happy?” She says. “If you say you’re happy, I’ll leave you alone forever. But just be honest with me. Are you happy?”

The really nice guy thinks long and hard, and several seconds pass. Finally, he lets out a whisper. “No. I’m not happy.”

The beautiful girl smiles and cries.

“I’ve never been happy,” the really nice guy continues. “Not unless I’m with you.”

The beautiful girl smiles even wider, and the two embrace in an ultimate, climactic kiss, with happy music blasting, and the camera spinning around them. They stop, and the beautiful girl speaks again.

“I thought you said ‘the ship has sailed?'”

“No, it’s hasn’t,” the really nice guy responds. “It never even left the dock.”

END SCENE.

Wow. That was a lot longer than I meant it to be.

But next time you use that phrase, I want you to think about the context in which you use it.

Sure, the ship may have sailed, but remember, they have anchors for a reason.

Time traveling

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last week watching Terminator and Terminator 2, but lately I have been thinking about time traveling.

It’s something that everybody thinks about every now and then. If you had the ability to time travel, where would you go and during what time period? Why would you go there? Everybody has an answer.

But nobody ever thinks about it for too long, because then you realize that it’s something that we’ll never see in our lifetime. If it ever even happens at all. I know our technology is advancing at a rapid pace, especially in the last decade, but we are still nowhere near the early stages of discovering how to time travel. We may be starting to get cloning down, but time travel is still ways away.

But then I thought deeper about it (and no, I was NOT high at the time.) Just because we currently don’t have the technology available to us to allow for time travel, why does that mean it doesn’t exist?

STICK WITH ME.

Say that time travel finally becomes possible in the year 2500 (if humans haven’t destroyed the world by then.) Shit it could be even sooner, like year 2100. It doesn’t matter. Just pretend its way in the future.

So a time machine of sorts is invented, giving humans the ability to travel back in time. What if someone from the year 2500 wanted to travel back to 2009? Then wouldn’t they still be here? If they successfully time travel, then their existence in 2009 would have to happen as the year 2009 is presently occurring. Which is now. People from the future could be populating the Earth right now, and we don’t even know it.

Of course, no one would ever believe if a person said that they were from the future. We would all think that they are insane. So that’s why it doesn’t surprise me that it would there would never be a breaking news story about a time traveler — unless they can prove it (by having some sort of machine with them.)

So that led me to think even further: If there has never been a reported case of a time traveler, then does that mean that the human race never discovers how to do it? It wouldn’t totally surprise me, because I would expect humans to kill each other off via nuclear war before we ever get to that point.

Also, if time travel were possible, would there still be tragedies in the world? Would wars, genocide and terrorism still exist? Maybe time travelers have come back and altered the universe to prevent worldwide tragedy, and in result, gave us new tragedies. New tragedies that even they couldn’t foresee. For example, maybe there was originally meant to be an even greater dictator than Hitler who was going to threaten the balance of our world. But time travelers took care of him, and that opened the door for Hitler. But that’s all bordering dangerously close to parallel universes. And I don’t even know what that really means.

It’s all pretty crazy to think about it. But the main point I’m trying to get at is: if time travel ever exists at any  point in the future, whether it be 10 years from now or 10 million years from now, that gives humans (or whatever creature exists then) the ability to travel back in time to any year they want, therefore giving them the possibility to enter our present time.

Thinking about this is giving me a headache.

So what is in the news today? Arnold Schwarzenegger said he fathered a child 10 years ago with a former employee, and Minnesota Twins Hall of Famer and baseball legend Harmon Killebrew died today of cancer.

In my eyes, Arnold can do whatever he wants. I mean, he was the TERMINATOR. You get a lifetime exemption from all wrongdoing when you once portrayed a character as awesome as that. As for Harmon, my condolences.

Oh, here’s a Youtube video of a parrot playing with a toy bunny:

Cute, I guess?

Yup, when I’m pulling out the parrot playing with a toy bunny video… you know I’m desperate. I’m just slowly going to make my exit and hope that nobody notices…

To Blog or Not to Blog?

Although I do have plenty of things to say… it’s late, it’s been a long day, and I’m exhausted.

Here at the Weinblog, it’s about quality over quantity. I do try to blog daily (weekdays, rather), but I also make sure I write something meaningful, or at least funny. If I were to b log right now, it would be forced.

It’s like when you were taught as a kid: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. Well, my blogging rule of thumb is: if you don’t have anything to blog about, then don’t blog at all.

It would be an injustice to all of you to try and write a blog for the sake of blogging right now. It’d be boring and dull, and a waste of yours and my time.

Thus, I am simply not going to blog at all today.

Wait a minute…

By writing all of this, I have officially blogged today. And by continuing to type, I am still doing that. And as you currently read this, your time is being wasted. I really should just stop right now.

Why am I still typing?

Okay, I’m done. No more letters will be typed by me on this keyboard. Starting…

Dog

Monkey

Cat

Frog

Telephone

Helium balloon

Jh

K

P

u

Now.

K, I’m done.

LFKe;lfEMAFMWEF

The Butterfly Effect

Somewhere, on the distant coast of Somalia, a butterfly glides through the air. It buzzes harmoniously with the cool breeze, in search a flower to land on and rest its wings.

Finally, it locates a flower and begins its descent. However, moments before landing, something catches its eye. It is a snake, blending shrewdly into its grassy surface, slithering slowly around the flower.

The snake lunges, but the butterfly redirects its course just in time, flying back into the sky in search of another – more safer – flower to set camp.

The rapid change of course by the butterfly sends a ripple through the atmosphere, speeding up the wind’s velocity by the slightest of margins.

The effect of this breeze is exacerbated by the already darkening skies, which have long indicated that a storm is near.

The breeze hits the ocean shore, sending a wave into the Indian Ocean that immediately forces parents to call their children back onto the sand for safety.

The ominous clouds soar deeper into the ocean as a result of the amplified breeze. A boat, which had been sailing towards North America, surveys the clouds with fear.

The clouds begin to roar as heavy rains begin to fall, and the boat begins to rock violently with the strong waters. The men on the boat silently begin to pray.

Suddenly, the breeze stops, and a cloud comes to a halt directly over the boat; so perfectly its almost as if God placed it there himself.

In the blink of an eye, a magnificent bolt of lightning shoots from the cloud and strikes a man on the boat.

The impact is so fierce that the man falls overboard into the dangerous waters.

Unable to retrieve the man, the remaining crew watches as he plummets to his death. They too begin to wonder if they will ever see land again.

That man, had he survived his journey, would have landed on the shores of America within a month with the rest of his compadres in search of a better life. He would have lived a low-key, mostly unsuccessful existence for two and a half years.

And then, on a particularly gloomy Tuesday afternoon – fed up with his less than ideal lifestyle and failed expectations of a new life in America – he would have blown up a building and killed thousands of people.

The Butterfly Effect.

Change one thing, change everything. Do you believe it?

An Existential Weinblog

Alright so it’s now been four days, and I think I understand the plot of Inception by now.

One of the primary themes of Inception is the idea of reality vs. dreams. It makes you think: what if we’re all in a dream and we just don’t know it?

Think about it… dream time always takes much longer than normal time, right? It’s like when you wake up and realize it’s still too early to get out of bed (in my case, that would be like waking up and seeing that it’s only 11:30), and you fall straight back to sleep.

Since it’s the latter part of you slumber, you won’t go through your entire sleep cycle. Thus, you are more likely to remember your dream. You wake up and you feel like you just had an epic, long elaborate dream that spanned hours, when in reality, you were asleep for only 20 minutes.

What if the life you thought you’ve been living is really a dream? What if none of this is real, and you are actually just in a prolonged sleep state?

What if this blog is really a dream and I am invading your mind and instilling all of these thoughts and ideas within your subconscious so that when you wake up – though you’ll have no recollection of the Weinblog’s existence – all of the things I am saying will still be ingrained in your psyche and thus you will begin to sincerely believe every single little thing that I am saying as I attempt to build an enormous Weingrad army united under one common cause as we begin the process of taking over the world?!?!?!

And no, contrary to what you might all be thinking right now… I am not currently on acid. Or any other psychadelic drug for that matter.

Although, I’m not gonna lie, I’m still kinda hazy from this past weekend. Starting with seeing Inception (did I mention to you all yet that I saw that movie?) at midnight on Thursday, this weekend was fantastic. From the span of Friday night at about 9pm up til Sunday at 9pm, I honestly think I was drunk for at least 34 of those 48 hours.

After a birthday BBQ on Saturday, I participated in a Beer Olympics On Sunday, and wow… it was fun. If any of you have never played “dizzy bat” before… go do it right now. I don’t care what you are currently doing, drop everything, grab a wiffleball bat, fill it with beer, chug it, and then spin around 15 times. It’s surreal. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience.

Normally, saying that you were drunk for 34 of 48 hours isn’t something that one normally brags about, but hey… I start work in a week, so I could do whatever the hell I damn well please until then.

You know what tastes good? Peanut butter.