Everybody knows that Apple likes to introduce their new products with a flourish.
The black backdrop. The stage. Steve Jobs in a dark-colored turtleneck and round lenses. Spotlights. When they announce a new product, it becomes a performance.
Or some may be more familiar with Michael Fassbender playing that role in last year’s Steve Jobs biopic.
Well Steve Jobs is long gone and Michael Fassbender has no real affiliation with Apple. Tim Cook, the infamous FBI resistor, may be calling the shots now, but the company still has the same flair for the theatrics.
Those theatrics were on full display on Wednesday when Apple introduced its latest devices — the iPhone 7, iPhone 7 Plus and an Apple Watch.
Some of the new features sound cool. Water resistance. An enhanced camera. And no headph-
Wait, am I reading that correctly?
So the company that invented the iPod and iTunes, and that has basically monopolized digital music, decided to not let people actually listen to it using headphones anymore.
That’s like Dominos announcing that the newest version of their pizza will no longer have cheese. (Or even worse, that deliveries will cease after midnight.)
And I get what Apple is trying to do. They want to continue to lead the way towards innovation. They want to continue the vision Steve Jobs created.
And they want to ultimately create a wireless world.
Well, that’s all well and good — but don’t force it upon us, dickheads.
Some people, like me, only recently decided to take the plunge to the iPhone. I didn’t necessarily do it because I thought it was the best. It’s definitely among the best, but I purchased it because most technologies nowadays specifically accommodate to Apple. Owning an iPhone just made my life easier and more pragmatic.
And now they go ahead and pull this.
One Apple executive said on Wednesday that that this decision to abandon headphone jacks was “courageous.”
So courageous that the first shipments of these new phones will contain an add-on that allows you to plug in your headphones if you want to. Courage!
This probably won’t hurt iPhone’s sales. If anything, it’s going to generate more attention towards their brand. And if Apple is really good at anything, it’s marketing themselves.
But I certainly will not be in a rush to upgrade.
I suppose I should have prefaced this post by revealing one small factoid about myself: I still use the iPod Classic for my music. And I have no shame in it. Indeed, it’s one of my most prized possessions.
At 128 gigabytes, it will never be unable to hold my entire musical library. It’s the perfect size to carry in my pocket or wear in a flap across my bicep for running. And I love the spinny wheel.
And it has a freaking headphone jack.
Apple has stopped manufacturing it, but nothing can separate me from my iPod Classic.
So Apple may be moving ahead, but I’ll remain stuck in the past.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.