Inauguration 2017: just treat it like any ordinary day

It would have been easy to start today’s post with some type of apocalyptic joke, pretending that this is the last time I’ll ever be able to speak with you all.

Because by this time tomorrow, Trump will have clamped down on freedom of speech and dissidents would be targeted and jailed, forcing me to flee and live in a cave somewhere.

Meanwhile, his tyranny would lead to an uprising from his opponents and full-out civil war.

Trump, with his hands now on the nuclear codes, would threaten extinction unless he received full obedience from the American people.

One thing leads to another, and next thing you know, we’re North Korea.

Clearly, I’ve read too much apocalyptic literature in my life.

But as much as people like to act as if Trump will bring about the literal End of Days … he will not. The sun will still rise tomorrow and we’ll all go to work like any other Friday. Just when we go to sleep at the end of the day, we’ll have a different president.

inauguration

The divisiveness that reared its ugly head during the election will likely remain, and Trump will continue to make headlines of the likes that we’ve never seen before from an American president. But life will go on, and we can only hope that we continue to converse with one another in a thoughtful and united way, and that we learn our lesson moving forward.

In the grand scheme of things, Trump’s reign as president will simply be a blip on the radar in terms of American history. Even if we do need to live through it the next four years.

To quote Bette Davis is the classic 1960s film All About Eve, “Fasten your seat belts. it’s going to be a bumpy night.” Except in this instances, it will be a bumpy 1,461 nights. *Shudders*

So let’s save the dramatics and treat this blog post like it’s any normal day. What’s going on in the news?

It was pretty anticlimactic, but the international search for Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370 was officially called off after three years on Tuesday. Unless new evidence surfaces, we may never locate it and find out what actually happened to the plane, which disappeared after it veered off course for several hours on March 8, 2014 and presumably crashed into the Indian Ocean.

The lack of interest in this story exemplifies people’s short attention spans. Most of the world was captivated by this missing flight three years ago, and with the announcement of the search’s end, this news is being less discussed than Wednesday night’s People’s Choice Awards.

Also, speaking of Trump, remember when he pledged to purge America of misbehaving unauthorized Mexicans?

Well, it turns out we’re doing the exact opposite and bringing one back in.

El Chapo, the deadly drug lord with the adorable name who made two Houdini-like escapes from high-security Mexican prisons, will be extradited to the United States, and face trial here.

Welcome to America, El Chapo. You’ve come at just the right time. We have a new president who will just love you.

And with that, my last post in the Obama era comes to an end.

I’ll see you all on the other side.

Obama’s last State of the Union, El Chapo, and a Friends reunion!

President Obama stood at a lectern Tuesday night for just under an hour to deliver his final State of the Union address.

As an avid Obama supporter, I am obviously biased. But I don’t see how people could disagree with the overarching message that he aimed to deliver.

When we are united, we are better. That’s what he emphasized. America is not run by Congress, but by its people.

It was a comforting speech during a time when many in the political spectrum are trying to cultivate a sense of fear and anger for their own personal gain.

Obama SOTU 2016.jpgOf course, there were issues he brought up that don’t have full support in Congress: climate change, health care, the war on terror.

Not everyone may love him, but I think history will be very, very kind to Obama. And I, for one, will miss him when he’s gone. *Cue Cups song by Anna Kendrick*

On that note, let me move on to my favorite black president to my favorite Mexican drug lord. El Chapo. Which, incidentally, is the same name I would choose to give a Mexican teddy bear if I ever happened to own one.

That’s me dropping a souvenir hint for any of my friends who visit Mexico in the near future.

The man whose empire has exceeded that of Pablo Escobar’s, and who has already escaped from Mexican prison twice in ways that would be astonishing even if it was in a movie, was captured yet again.

And it happened right after he did a front page interview for Rolling Stone Magazine. With the actor Sean Penn.

On the surface, it may seem unethical to interview and cooperate with one of the world’s most wanted men while he’s on the run from the El Chapo Sean Penn.pngMexican and American government. But as a former journalist, this is the type of interview you want to do in your lifetime. One that not only tells an epic story, but involves major risks and secrecy. When the process of even getting the interview is just as exciting as the interview itself, that’s when you know it’s special.

It’s just slightly disheartening that a man whose never been associated with journalism was the one to do it.

Darn it. Outdone by Sean Penn. Again. Few people know this, but I was actually the runner-up to play the role of Harvey Milk in the 2008 film, Milk, which earned Penn an Oscar.

The second runner-up? A carton of 2% milk.

Don’t fact check any of that. Just go with it.

Let me transition one more time to my all-time favorite sitcom: the show whose famous lead-in song is known by everyone, yet the band that sang it is not. I know the name, though, but I’m not going to tell you. Do your own research. For once.

It’s The Rembrandts.

Friends showAnyway, the cast of Friends is reuniting. It’s exciting news, although it isn’t in the way everyone hoped. Rachel, Ross, Chandler, Monica, Joey ad Phoebe won’t be starring in a new episode soon, but they will come together for an NBC special next month honoring famous sitcom director James Burrows. They’ll be one of several famous sitcom casts who will be present.

Sorry James, it’s supposed to be your night, but all anyone cares about is seeing our favorite TV Manhattanites together again. In this case, no one will be there for you, whether the rain starts to fall or not.

I miss the days when I used to watch an episode of Friends at 11 p.m. on a school night before falling asleep.

It may not be on at that time anymore, but if you are reading this at 11 p.m. EST on Wednesday, or anytime after, then congratulations. It means you didn’t win Powerball.

You’re welcome.

Can we please stop giving cute nicknames to literally everything?

I’m not entirely sure when it started happening. But at some point, the world abandoned the English language and started embracing cute, simplified and nonsensical nicknames to describe everything.

It may have something to do with the emergence years ago of certain businesses, who, foreseeing America’s apparent need for cuteness, named their companies appropriately: Google. Yahoo. The Furby.

While there was likely a lot of sound business strategies that led to their success, I’m convinced that they wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to succeed if they didn’t first catch people’s attention with their adorable names. Against Google and Yahoo, AltaVista never stood a chance.

And now, the cuteness is everywhere. When celebrity couples date, we assign their relationship an endearing nickname. When a mischievous scandal arises, we condense it into one single easy-to-process word. And we have no problem Grexitmaking up nonexistent words to describe actions in order to turn it into a worldwide meme. Remember Tebowing?

As always, I blame social media. Since nobody can understand anything anymore without an accompanying hash tag, it almost necessitates the need for a one-word, cute nickname to describe everything.

How widespread is this? Look no further than the Greek debt crisis. This is a terrible, terrible situation for Greeks. Their banks are closed, they’re out of work, and their country may be forced to withdraw from the Eurozone. To put it into perspective, the current crisis is actually plaguing Greece’s economy worse than the Great Depression damaged New York’s in 1929.

So how does the rest of the world react? Why, by giving the entire crisis a cute nickname, of course!

The “Grexit” has been used to describe Greek’s possible exit from the Eurozone if a deal is not reached. And this isn’t jut something that is being said by Kathie Lee Gifford after her fourth glass of wine on the Today Show, but by highly credible news outlets like BBC News and The Guardian. When the British news buys into the cutesy name, that’s when you know it’s here to stay.

But that’s not even the worst of it. Grexit just wasn’t enough for most people. Once a third bailout was agreed to on Monday morning, the nickname got taken a step further — aGreekment.

Everyone do me a favor and search “facepalm” on Google images for me, and whatever pops up, that’s exactly how I feel.

It’s one thing to give a pet name to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. But maybe we should be a tad bit more serious when discussing a crisis that might ruin the lives of millions of families, while also having a detrimental effect on the entire global economy?

In other news, the New Horizons provided us with our first close-up shots of Pluto, which sounds cute enough that it doesn’t need a nickname, and one of the the world’s most notorious drug kingpins, Joaquín Guzmán Loera, broke out of a Mexican prison Saturday night.

Now there’s a manly story that can’t be diminished by a cute nickname. A drug lord escaping prison. It’s like Scarface meets Shawshank.

Wait, Guzman has actually earned a nickname in the Mexican underworld, you say? It’s got to at least be intimidating, right?

It’s El Chapo.

I give up.