Kim Kardashian’s robbery is now forever logged in Supreme Court records

Kim Kardashian or the vice presidential debate … Kim Kardashian or the vice presidential debate …

Easy decision.

In a way, these last couple of weeks have been just as thrilling for pop culture fanatics as they’ve been for political junkies, between the abrupt end of ‘Brangelina,’ and more recently, the shockingly violent robbery of Kim Kardashian in Paris.

The details sounds like something straight out of a Taken movie. Kardashian, in an exotic foreign country, was bound and robbed at gunpoint in her hotel room, and the thieves ran off with $11 million dollars worth of her jewelry, including a $4 million dollar ring.

Somehow, Kardashian reportedly broke out of her bindings following the robbery and managed to call police. Because, you know, we all saw that episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians where all three sisters were trained by escape artist David Blaine.

Kardashian Breyer.jpg

Immediately following the burglary, her husband, Kanye West, ended his set early at a musical festival in New York City, citing a family emergency.  (There’s an “I’mma let you finish” joke here somewhere, right?)

And that’s what we know.

And just because everyone loves to theorize, there is actually conversation flowing through the Internet that the robbery might have been staged.

Admittedly, it is pretty surprising to hear that one of the more high-profile celebrities in the world was roaming a foreign country without a bodyguard. But other speculation revolves around a possible insurance fraud scheme, or just a desperate act for sheer publicity — which we all know is the lifeblood for the Kardashians.

Amazingly, the people floating these theories aren’t just celebrity bloggers and bored Reddit users — but Supreme Court justices.

You heard that right. Justice Stephen Breyer — who, mind you, is 78 years old, so he’s not even one of the hip 50-something year old judges — while hearing oral arguments for a case on Tuesday, dropped the Kardashian name.

The case involved bank fraud, with a public defender arguing that it’s not fraudalent if the bank didn’t end up losing any money in the end. Breyer, who disagreed with the argument, analogized that if Kardashian has insurance on her jewelry and doesn’t lose any money over it, is it not still theft?

His exact words were: “Even Kardashian’s thief, if there is one, believes that all that jewelry is insured. Indeed over insured. So it’s not theft?”

If there is one.

This is truly a memorable day for America, for it officially ensured that the Kardashian named will forever be etched into our history books. Law students in years to come, while studying cases involving fraud, will one day stumble upon a reference of Kim Kardashian. Further interested, they will research her name, and come across a reality show and a sex tape.

And furthermore, we have finally reached the day where government and Kardashian intersect. Until then, the closest we came was when Obama calling Kanye West a jackass.

Maybe we should stop worrying about the fate of the Supreme Court, and who the ninth justice will be.

If today was any indication, the court seems to be getting along just fine and dandy.

That was sarcasm.

We are screwed.

America, please: stop listening to Donald Trump and Kanye West

Alright everybody, if you’re reading this on a Friday, then congratulations! You made it through the week! High five!

Nobody? No? Ok.

*slowly lowers hand and scratches the side of his head to save face.*

And if you’re reading this on late Thursday night, then you disgust me.

So right now I would like to issue a little bit of a loving plea to the entire world. Think of it as a friendly love letter from your favorite neighborhood blogger.

Can we place stop listening and dissecting the words of crazy people? There are a lot of really smart, thought-provoking individuals in the world who deserve our attention. And yet, we choose to focus and highlight those that are borderline deranged.

Kanye TrumpAnd I’m talking about two people who have gained massive followers throughout their careers. Donald Trump and Kanye West. Also known as, your 2016 Republican ticket.

On Thursday, Donald Trump took on the Pope. As in, the actual head of the Catholic Church, which has more than 1.25 billion followers worldwide. Our closest human representation to God himself! Or herself — (just kidding, LOL)

OK, so maybe it was Pope Francis who made the first move. At the end of his six-day visit to Mexico to preach social justice and tolerance for immigrants, the Pope replied to a question from a reporter about the Republican presidential forerunner’s plan to build a wall at the U.S.-Mexican border by saying Trump is “not Christian.”

Trump fired back by calling Pope Francis’s remarks “disgraceful.”

The bottom line is that Trump can’t even see eye-to-eye with the Pope, and yet, we expect him to be an honorable diplomat for our country. The sad thing is his followers won’t care. Trump’s campaign is a runaway train at this point, and he’s taking America along for a ride that is well beyond anyone’s control.

And Kanye. Oh, Kanye. What do we do with you?

You embark on an absolutely delirious Twitter tirade calling yourself this generation’s Pope FrancisDisney World, declare yourself $53 million in debt, beg Mark Zuckerberg and Google co-founder Larry Page for a billion dollars, and create a chart of your future ideas, one of which being “emoticon auto-correct.” (Let’s all be real — that last idea is pretty solid.)

And yet, in the same week, you release “The Life of Pablo,” which, undoubtedly, will probably set a new standard among all rap and hip-hop releases moving forward.

I just don’t know anymore. You’ve got Trump going at it with the Pope, and Kanye going on an Amanda Bynes-like breakdown on social media.

People are addicted to crazy talk. That’s all there is to it. You throw around some nonsensical banter and suddenly you’re at the top of politics and music, respectively.

And who knows, one day it may be both. Kanye did promise us a 2020 presidential run, after all.

Oh well. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. I’m going to hit up Donald and Yeezus this weekend and we’ll all go see Deadpool.

Kanye, you’re paying.

Every time Kanye West speaks, a puppy dies

I can’t believe I had to watch an entire Kanye West speech to prepare for this post.

I somehow made it through. And my conclusion is that it’s nothing short of painful that this man has a platform to speak on. That people will listen to him. There’s millions of people in the world who have inspiring, thought-provoking things to say, but will never be given a venue in which to express them.

Kanye West has that venue that others can only dream of. And he wastes it with nonsensical, mind-numbing drivel that helps nobody.

Kanye WestOK, so his speech yesterday was actually sincere. He wasn’t really trying to be controversial or combative. That is, until the end, when he declared his bid for presidency in 2020.

A day later, the world is trying to find out if he was being serious or not. But does it really even matter? Donald Trump is running for president right now. Any sanctity or honor that once existed in running for our nation’s highest office is long out the window. There’s no doubt in my mind that, if Kanye ran, he would succeed in the polls.

Ironically, last week, in light of the Deez Nuts amusement, I pleaded for an independent-minded citizen to bravely announce their bid for president. Well, I got it.

Besides my 15-minute belated viewing of Yeezus’s speech, I did not watch the Video Music Awards. I just can’t anymore. It’s too painful and disappointing for me to know that this is what the world now accepts as contemporary popular music. I heard there was some B.S. involving Nicki Minaj and Miley Cyrus, but I literally could not care less.

Indeed, I care more about the Chinese economy than I do about any feuds between Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj. I guess that means … I’m maturing? Damn, that sucks.

I do know that it was Taylor Swift who introduced Kanye West to accept the Video Vanguard award, whatever the hell that is (hence the speech). It was an obvious ploy by MTV to capitalize on the whole Kanye/Taylor controversy from years ago, and something that was actually acknowledged by Kanye in the beginning of his speech.Taylor and AVril

Taylor, who showed up to the show with her usual cool girl posse, actually did something totally unrelated this past weekend that caught my attention.

Her 1989 world tour has been filled with star-studded cameos by prominent musicians and celebrities, and the other day, she sang a duet with Avril Lavigne, another pop star I have had a crush on at one point or another. They sang “Complicated.” I support this duo.

I coin them: Tayvril. Which could also be some type of cough medicine. Extra strength.

In other news, the Oxford Dictionary added 1,000 new words this week, including aswesomesauce, beer o’clock, bruh and pwnage.

I officially hate everything about the 21st century.

Grammys 2015: it’s not an awards show unless Kanye makes his presence known

For a moment, visions of the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards flashed before everyone’s eyes. Kanye West, who, six years ago, infamously stole the spotlight from Taylor Swift to show his support for Beyonce, was about do it again.

After alternative rocker Beck was announced as the winner of Album of the Year at last night’s 57th Grammys, Kanye returned to the stage, only to jokingly wave his hands, laugh, and return to his seat. The audience got a kick out of it, Beck-Kanye-West-Grammysand even Beck took it in stride.

It was all in good fun. Kanye, who’s public image took a drastic hit after that initial incident — including being called a “jackass” by our president — had clearly learned from his mistake, and in a very self-aware moment, poked some fun at his old self. Even Beyonce and Jay Z found it amusing.

Or was he joking?

Had Kanye simply never opened his mouth again for the remainder of the night, people would still be laughing along with him. Instead, they’re none too pleased.

It turns out that he seriously believed that Beyonce deserved the award, and he wanted the world to know about it. In a post-show interview with E!, he said, “I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain’t gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should’ve given his award to Beyonce.”

Fans of Beck have come out in full force to his defense. In a career that has spanned more than two decades, Beck has released 12 albums. He wrote, composed and produced his latest album, Morning Phase, and as one Twitter user pointed out, he played the guitar, keys, synthesizer, bass, tambourine, ukulele, charango, celeste, dulcimer, harmonica and the glockenspiel on it.

Kanye West can’t even spell half of those instruments.

Beck, meanwhile, has handled the situation flawlessly. Sam Smith Grammys

It’s just another incident on a long list of questionable decisions by Kanye West. There is absolutely no doubt of his artistry and talent. That’s undeniable, and any one who tries to discredit it is just wrong. I mean, there’s a reason that Paul McCartney wanted to work with him. He’s also won 21 Grammy awards.

But he continually butts his head into things that do not concern him. Beck won arguably the biggest award of his life last night, and Kanye had to grab some attention away. If he is so upset about how awards shows determine their winners, then he should start his own event. The Kanyes. Every award goes to Beyonce.

I think people are just sick of his shtick, and are especially upset that he tried to make his point by attacking Beck, who is as much of an artist as any one in the music industry today.

An unintended consequence of Kanye’s antics is that he has become a public relations wizard. By making himself look so bad, he makes his “victims” look like sympathetic heroes in comparison. Taylor Swift’s career catapulted to monumental levels of success following her rendezvous with Mr. West, and because of last night, Beck has never been more widely discussed on a mainstream level than he is right now.

Oh and for the record, Taylor and Kanye have since made up. 

On a personal note, some may recall I pegged Morning Phase as the best album of 2014. What’s ironic is that, for the last six years, I have posted here my top films of the year, and to date, none of my six selections for the year end best movie has ended up winning Best Picture at the Academy Awards. And yet, in my first year picking the year’s best albums, my top selection wins Album of the Year. Go figure.

And yes, I am humble bragging.

The rest of the Grammys was without drama, with Sam Smith taking home four awards, including Record of the Year. He Kristen Wiig Siagenuinely seems like a polite, cordial young man who is passionate about music, so I have no problem seeing him rewarded. Especially after the controversy he received from the Tom Petty copying fallout.

One pleasant surprise was seeing Kristen Wiig doing some interpretive dance with 12-year-old Maddie Zeidler during Sia’s performance of “Chandelier.” Wiig really is a multi-talented performer who doesn’t get enough love.

What nobody did see in last night’s telecast was Eminem win Best Rap Album for the Marshall Mathers LP, his 15th career Grammy, since it’s a category that’s apparently not deemed significant enough to be distributed live. I get that the Grammys are trying to become a bit more family-friendly, but isn’t that category a pretty big one?

Also, for the sixth straight year, I failed win the Grammy for Best Blogging.

I’m still petitioning the academy to instill that one.