Kim Kardashian or the vice presidential debate … Kim Kardashian or the vice presidential debate …
In a way, these last couple of weeks have been just as thrilling for pop culture fanatics as they’ve been for political junkies, between the abrupt end of ‘Brangelina,’ and more recently, the shockingly violent robbery of Kim Kardashian in Paris.
The details sounds like something straight out of a Taken movie. Kardashian, in an exotic foreign country, was bound and robbed at gunpoint in her hotel room, and the thieves ran off with $11 million dollars worth of her jewelry, including a $4 million dollar ring.
Somehow, Kardashian reportedly broke out of her bindings following the robbery and managed to call police. Because, you know, we all saw that episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians where all three sisters were trained by escape artist David Blaine.
Immediately following the burglary, her husband, Kanye West, ended his set early at a musical festival in New York City, citing a family emergency. (There’s an “I’mma let you finish” joke here somewhere, right?)
And that’s what we know.
And just because everyone loves to theorize, there is actually conversation flowing through the Internet that the robbery might have been staged.
Admittedly, it is pretty surprising to hear that one of the more high-profile celebrities in the world was roaming a foreign country without a bodyguard. But other speculation revolves around a possible insurance fraud scheme, or just a desperate act for sheer publicity — which we all know is the lifeblood for the Kardashians.
Amazingly, the people floating these theories aren’t just celebrity bloggers and bored Reddit users — but Supreme Court justices.
You heard that right. Justice Stephen Breyer — who, mind you, is 78 years old, so he’s not even one of the hip 50-something year old judges — while hearing oral arguments for a case on Tuesday, dropped the Kardashian name.
The case involved bank fraud, with a public defender arguing that it’s not fraudalent if the bank didn’t end up losing any money in the end. Breyer, who disagreed with the argument, analogized that if Kardashian has insurance on her jewelry and doesn’t lose any money over it, is it not still theft?
His exact words were: “Even Kardashian’s thief, if there is one, believes that all that jewelry is insured. Indeed over insured. So it’s not theft?”
If there is one.
This is truly a memorable day for America, for it officially ensured that the Kardashian named will forever be etched into our history books. Law students in years to come, while studying cases involving fraud, will one day stumble upon a reference of Kim Kardashian. Further interested, they will research her name, and come across a reality show and a sex tape.
And furthermore, we have finally reached the day where government and Kardashian intersect. Until then, the closest we came was when Obama calling Kanye West a jackass.
Maybe we should stop worrying about the fate of the Supreme Court, and who the ninth justice will be.
If today was any indication, the court seems to be getting along just fine and dandy.
That was sarcasm.
We are screwed.